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Ellen Scott Lifestyle and Weekend Editor Friday 5 May 2017 7:00 am

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Labiaplasty is on the rise . Boys and men continue to worry that their penis is too small. Every other week there seems to be a new treatment promising to make your penis longer and harder or your vagina tighter, smoother, and more sparkly.
These treatments prey on our insecurities – our deep, dark worry that there’s something wrong with our genitals. That they’re not ‘normal’.
It’s no wonder we think that, though, when we don’t get to see a range of all the different ways vaginas and penises can look.
If you’re interested in same-sex relationships or, well, sex, you’ll likely get to see a few more genitals that look a bit like yours.
But this only happens once you start getting to the point of stripping down – a point you’re unlikely to reach if you’re so filled with doubt and self-hatred for the appearance of your genitals that you can’t even imagine letting someone else see them.
And for those who exclusively get busy with people of the opposite sex, it’s easy to never see a real-life alternative of your own sex-specific genitals out in the world.
Instead, you see smoothed, Barbie-perfect versions of vaginas and whopping great penises that stay erect for hours in porn.
You see blurred out images online or dainty flowers, or bananas and crude doodles to illustrate their place.
When you never see genitals that look even a tiny bit like yours, you’re going to worry that you’re abnormal, that something’s wrong, that you need to change yourself.
That’s why we need to get in there early, and show students actual photos of actual vaginas and penises.
Not just vague diagrams of the reproductive system.
Actual photos or – if that greatly offends you for reasons I don’t understand – a wide range of illustrations that shows all the parts of the genitals and all the different ways they can look.
Students should see where the clitoris is, because if they don’t they’ll struggle to give women pleasure or experience it themselves.
Students should understand what a circumcised penis looks like versus an uncircumcised one.
Students should see longer labia, different skin tones, penises that are short and fat, penises that are long and lean. A range of healthy genitals to expand the definition of ‘normal’ in young people’s minds.
‘Relationships and Sex Education is an opportunity to challenge the idea that any one type of body is ‘normal’,’ Lisa Hallgarten, coordinator of the Sex Education Forum, told metro.co.uk.
‘Learning about and celebrating body diversity may start with simply thinking about the different heights; body shapes; hair, eye and skin colour of people we can see around us; and learning about the difference between female and male body parts.
‘When it comes to genitals young people may think their own are unusual or unhealthy because they haven’t seen any images of different bodies, or because many sexual images they have accessed online depict a particular type of body (e.g. men with very large penises and women with hairless, surgically-altered vulvas).
‘Whether we use photographs, anatomical drawings or art works (such as Jamie McCartney’s Great Wall of Vagina) it is essential that any images we show properly represent the great diversity that exists in the shapes and sizes of people’s genitals.’
Seeing these images before we start having sex or having the power to make changes to our bodies through surgery or other means is incredibly important.
How we view our bodies informs how we view ourselves. It affects our sexual relationships, our decisions, our mental state.
Knowing that our genitals are okay, that there’s nothing wrong, gross, or weird about them just because they don’t match the images we see in porn, will inform healthier sexual decisions, make us more confident, and prevent people from considering drastic measures to ‘fix’ themselves.
As someone who was so self-concious about my vagina that I blamed it for breakups and went to the doctor to beg them to change the appearance of my vulva, I know how powerful learning that your genitals are normal can be.
It’s not just about seeing genitals similar to your own, mind you.
Seeing real, intimate pictures of bits of all genders will make sex significantly less intimidating.
If you’re shown accurate images of all different genitals, you won’t be confused and horrified when you start having sex and are greeted by a penis or vagina that looks entirely unlike the ones you’ve seen in porn.
Adding real images to sex ed will make people more understanding of the range of normal for the opposite sex, too. So boys won’t take the piss out of women’s labia or the size of their vagina*, and girls won’t say cruel things about the size of someone’s penis.**
*No, you can not tell how much sex someone’s had by how tight or loose a vagina feels. No, you should not make up songs about women’s ‘flaps hanging low’.
**No, it’s not cool to tell people your ex has a small dick just because he p*ssed you off.
It’ll make our sex lives better, too. There’ll be a greater understanding of how penises and vaginas work, and lots more pleasure happening when everyone understands where the clitoris is, which bits of the penis are more sensitive, and what to expect when they start going down.
Oh, and knowing the range of normal will make it easier to know when something’s gone a bit wrong.
If we know all the different ways a healthy vagina or penis can look, we’ll be more able to quickly notice a change in appearance or a dodgy symptom – and because we’re not holding on to the heavy worry of ‘what if my entire downstairs area is completely abnormal and the doctor will recoil in horror’, we’ll feel more able to ask for help.
And, of course, openly presenting students with pictures of genitals is all part of chipping away at our general silence and squeamishness around our bits.
Penises and vaginas are not inherently gross, or dirty, or wrong. We should be able to talk about them, ask questions about them, and not feel disgusted or scared when it comes to being presented with their natural states (*cough* periods are not gross , neither is body hair, and ‘vagina’ is not a dirty word *cough*).
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When we’re educating young people about sex, it feels pretty ridiculous to skim over the major parts involved.
Stop skirting around vaginas and penises. Show them in all their glory and variety. Teach young people what genitals can look like and show them that they’re not weird, abnormal, or wrong.

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