Vagina Fingering

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Vagina Fingering

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Published on March 4, 2022 @ 10:00AM





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Maressa Brown is a journalist and astrologer who's a regular lifestyle contributor and resident astrologer for InStyle. She has nearly two decades of professional experience writing, reporting, and editing lifestyle content for a variety of digital and print consumer-facing publications including Parents, Shape, Astrology.com, and more.

When it comes to satisfying your partner's sexual desires, enthusiasm and a willingness to experiment will usually get you pretty far. But it also helps to constantly be brushing up on your core skill set, and if your partner happens to have a vulva, those skills should include knowing how to finger them.


And knowing what not to do is just as important as knowing what to do. "Remember that fingering someone's vagina isn't meant to look or feel like a jackhammering penis — unless your partner specifically asks for that! — so the fast in-and-out rigid finger thrusting we often stereotypically associate with fingering likely won't be the way to go," says Anne Hodder-Shipp, an American College of Sexologists (ACS)-certified sex educator. "Remember that your fingers have joints and can curl and bend."


Here, Hodder-Shipp and other experts share their 10 best tips for ensuring your next fingering — aka hand sex — session is a steamy hit.


It might seem rather basic, but Hodder-Shipp encourages anyone prepping to finger their partner to be sure their hands are clean, and their nails are trimmed and clean.


In fact, it might be fun for someone to exfoliate and moisturize their hands before playing with their partner, advises Jamila Dawson, LMFT , an interdisciplinary sex therapist.


If you have longer nails or a special manicure: Hodder-Shipp recommends taking a nitrile glove and putting a cotton ball at the tip of each finger, so when you wear it, the cotton creates a cushy barrier between the manicure and your partner's body.


Porn would have us believe that when it comes to any kind of penetration of the vagina, deeper is better, but that's not always the case. The majority of a vagina's nerves are located in the first one-third of the vaginal canal, points out Hodder-Shipp, so going super-deep isn't really necessary unless that's the sensation you would like.


"Lube is an absolute must during hand sex," points out Gigi Engle , ACS, a certified sex educator and author. "The fingers against a clitoris — or inside a vagina — require a barrier and some extra lubrication to not feel like sandpaper pushed up against your nether regions. Always generously lube up your partner's fingers and the clitoris before moving forward."


Dawson advises using a high quality water-based lube like Pjur or silicone-water-based hybrid like Fuck Water.


"Keep in mind that the vagina 'tents' and elongates when aroused," explains Hodder-Shipp. For that reason, you'll want to be sure your partner is especially aroused and receptive to penetration before inserting a finger — or anything else, for that matter.


One sexy move to try as you're working on getting your partner hot, bothered, and ready for more: "Cupping the vulva to let the heat of the hand transfer to the vulva can be very sensual," advises Dawson.


In general, it's ideal to go slow anytime you start a new sexual activity, says Hodder-Shipp. That way, you can see how it feels and get into the groove of it. Not to mention that, at times, fast movement in the vaginal area can feel uncomfortable, especially as you get started, she notes. All of that said, be sure to ease into penetration of any kind.


As you begin to ramp up the intensity of the act, Engle advises "definitely focusing" on the clitoris — especially the outer part at the top of the clitoris. "This organ is the only one in the entire human body whose purpose is pleasure," she notes. "It has 8,000 nerve endings in the external glans alone, which is double the nerve endings in the glans of the penis."


She continues, "Much like with oral sex, hand sex will most likely deliver an orgasm when your partner moves in a consistent motion over the glans clitoris ." However, unlike oral sex, you'll want to be a bit more gentle when you're using your fingers. "If you press down too hard, it can become uncomfortable," she says.


The giving partner should use their pointer and middle fingers to make clockwise circles around the clitoris, advises Engle. Then, they can try moving the fingers up and down, side to side, or in a figure eight.


If you're the receiving partner, listen to your body, and don't be afraid to ask for something else if it isn't working for you, she says.


Although the clit is often essential for reaching orgasm, you'll also want to stimulate the very front of the vaginal opening, as it's packed full of nerves, explains Engle.


"The bottom of the opening, called the fourchette, is an excellent place to tease and touch," she says. "Try pressing your fingers around the vaginal opening. Perhaps slip a finger inside. Don't stop there, touch and tease the labia. Perhaps you'd enjoy some gentle tugging. Your labia cover the internal legs of the clitoris. Try different things and see what works for your body."


"If you're the one doing the fingering, your partner is really the one in charge," says Hodder-Shipp. "Only they know how it feels and what adjustments they might need for it to feel pleasurable, so it's essential to be present and ready to receive feedback and pay attention to what your partner's voice and body language sound and look like."


Although some people make noises and will say exactly what they want — or don't — it's important to bear in mind that not everyone feels comfortable making vocal noises as they receive pleasure, says Hodder-Shipp. So while quiet isn't necessarily a bad sign, it's a sign to check in and ask things like, "how does that feel?", "do you like that?", or "want some more lube?"


And don't be nervous about switching things up in the moment in order to find your groove. Kristine D'Angelo , a clinical sexologist and certified sex coach, says, "While stimulating the clitoris, switch between using your fingertips, full length of your fingers, and even the palm of your hand," she recommends. "Ask your partner, 'More pressure or less pressure?' Some people need light pressure while others like a lot of pressure."


Though you might be looking for a go-to cadence that's guaranteed to leave your partner breathless, there is no one "best" rhythm to follow, notes Hodder-Shipp. "Every vagina responds to finger and hand simulation differently," she explains.


Still, once you find a rhythm that seems to be working — either because your partner is moaning and saying "yes, exactly like that" or their hips are lifting and moving along with the motion of your fingers — do not switch it up. "Keep that rhythm until your partner says they're done or orgasm happens," says Hodder-Shipp.


When it comes to penetrating your partner with more than one finger, D'Angelo recommends trying this variation: "Make a V with your index and middle finger," she advises. "Twist those fingers as if you're crossing your fingers for luck but keep both fingers fairly straight as they curl. Use your crossed fingers to penetrate the vagina, and begin to slowly twist your wrist creating a swirling effect."


If, as the receiving partner, anything hurts or feels uncomfortable or unpleasant, or it feels like your partner has to push their fingers inside, take a break or stop and do something that you enjoy better, advises Hodder-Shipp.


If you're the giving partner, keep communicating. As Engle notes, "Always remember that if you're not sure if something is working, simply ask: 'Does this feel good? I want to make sure what I'm doing feels good to you.'"


How to Finger a Woman (An In-Depth Guide)
How to Finger a Woman (An In-Depth Guide)
How to Finger a Woman (An In-Depth Guide)
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Last week, during a shared lie-in with my partner, I experienced one of the loveliest orgasms I’ve ever had.
To bring me to the brink of ecstasy that morning, my boyfriend didn’t even need to take off his boxer shorts. He prompted my delicious climax using only his hands.
My orgasm that day (and the gorgeous build-up to it) got me thinking about fingering, and how much I rate it.
Sexologists define fingering as “the use of fingers or hands to sexually stimulate the vulva or vagina.”
Personally, I find it one of the most satisfying sexual acts. It’s the most reliable way to get me to orgasm. 
Of course, every woman is different — but I’m by no means alone in my love of fingering.
“I think many women would agree that getting fingered feels phenomenal,” says sex therapist Vanessa Marin. “Fingers can give much more focused, deliberate, and intense stimulation than any other body part.”
If you want to learn how to finger a woman, you’re in good hands (pun intended)! 
Here are some of my best suggestions to help you maximize your partner’s enjoyment.
I’ll start with the most important takeaway. The best way to finger a woman depends on the woman in question.
For example, fingering feels best for me when my boyfriend focuses on the external parts of my genitals.
Consistent strokes between my labia and circles round my clit will put me in seventh heaven for an hour. 
A finger inside my vagina can feel hot, but I’m triply turned on when my partner focuses on my vulva!
But another woman might feel there’s something missing unless her vagina gets attention, too. 
Once she’s aroused, she might be the kind of lady who craves that G-spot stimulation.
No two women are the same, explains Laurie Mintz, Ph.D., psychologist and sexuality expert. “Because each woman’s nerves are positioned differently, they each like to be touched differently.”
Communicating with your partner helps you tailor her experience. You’re more likely to satisfy her if you understand exactly what she enjoys. 
Plus, taking time to communicate shows you care. Your lady will appreciate knowing her lover is serious about delighting her!
The following strategies will help you learn more about your partner’s needs. 
Later, you can use your new knowledge to complement the more general tips in the rest of this guide.
Outside the bedroom, ask your partner how she feels about fingering. Are there any techniques she’s already keen on?
Hey, I came across an article which described how pleasurable fingering can be for some women. I’d love to know how you feel about fingering. Are there any techniques you know you like?
Mintz calls this kind of discussion “a kitchen-table sex talk.”
A neutral environment — like the kitchen — encourages more relaxed conversation. It’s often easier to broach sensitive topics when you’re not already in the middle of having sex.
Additionally, experts have been telling us for years that “sex starts in the mind. ” 
Hence, “kitchen-table sex talks” are a great form of foreplay. A juicy chat about your partner’s favorite techniques will likely titillate you both!
You’ll learn a lot if you observe her pleasuring herself.
Here’s another arousing way to educate yourself. Let your partner know how much it would turn you on to watch her masturbating.
Every woman has her own unique way of inducing an orgasm when she touches herself. Your partner likely uses her fingers in the way that works best for her body. 
Hence, you’ll learn a lot if you observe her pleasuring herself.
“Create an environment of intimacy and trust,” advises sex counselor Ian Kerner. “Let her know you want to watch because you want to learn more about how to please her.”
If she feels self-conscious or awkward, don’t pressure her. There are other, less intimidating, alternatives. 
For example, Mintz suggests “watching realistic videos of women masturbating, and talking about them together.”
You could ask your partner questions like:
“Compared to the lady in the video, what do you differently when you touch yourself?”
“Do you focus on the same areas, or different ones?”
This allows her to describe her proclivities — even if she’d rather not demonstrate them.
Before you get down to business, wash your hands and ensure your fingernails are trimmed.
Like any other sexual act, fingering requires a warm-up. Indulge in foreplay, and go slowly. Spend plenty of time building sexual tension.
Start off with light, teasing kisses. Undress your partner one garment at a time, leaving only her panties on. 
Graze her neck and breasts with your fingertips. Fondle her inner thighs. Tell her with your words and your eyes how beautiful she is.
Before you take off her panties, try cupping her whole vulva very gently in one hand. Now keep your hand still! Kerner says stillness can be more arousing than movement, because it builds anticipation. 
Next, move your hand gradually up her vulva, pausing at intervals and pressing softly. 
“This wakes up all the tissues and allows your partner to get used to being touched,” says Stella Harris, sex coach and intimacy educator. 
(I find it incredibly erotic when my boyfriend does this. It’s my favorite form of teasing!)
With your free hand, you could massage your partner’s breast or cradle her face as you kiss her.
Finally, remove her panties and cup her now-naked vulva. Does her slit feel wet to the touch? If yes, that’s a good sign. 
Before you move on to the next step, apply lube to your hands to give them extra slip.
Also, get comfortable — you’re going to be playing with her genitals for a while! Choose a position which allows both of your hands easy access.
Personally, I love lying next to my partner while he works on my pussy.
That way, I can kiss him, run my hands through his hair, and bury my face into his neck as I’m getting close to climax. 
However, you may prefer to lie between your lady’s legs, or kneel between her knees.
The entire vulva is a potential erogenous zone.
Want to give your partner an outstanding sensual experience? Don’t rush to sensitive areas like her clitoris or G-spot. 
Going straight to those regions can produce overwhelming or even painful sensations.
Plus, as Harris reminds us , “the entire vulva is a potential erogenous zone.” Lavish attention on every crevice to intensify your partner’s arousal.
If you’re not sure where to begin, I’ve outlined some suggestions below. 
Once again, not every woman likes the same kind of stimulation. As you try different touch techniques, note your partner’s responses.
Be willing to adapt as you learn what works for your lover!
I go crazy when my boyfriend splays my labia and strokes between them.
His touch feels even more electrifying when he wets his fingertips with my juices. There are few things hotter than feeling him spread my moisture in the valleys between my lips.
For some women, soft squeezes and playful pinches of their labia can feel tantalizing, too. But as with all sensitive areas, remember not to overdo it!
The front commissure is the smooth area above your partner’s clitoral head and hood. 
Tap this region delicately with your fingertip. I’ve found that ten seconds of rapid tapping here is a surefire way to excite me and engorge my clit!
Your partner may also appreciate you rubbing this area. Tenderly move your finger up and down, side to side, and in circles.
As you do so, watch her face and listen for changes in her breathing. This will help you identify which motions and speeds work best for her body.
As Kerner explains, your partner’s frenulum is the point “where her inner labia meet at the top. It’s above her vaginal opening, but just below her clitoral head.”
Since it’s rich in nerve fibers , her frenulum may respond well to your subtle taps, strokes and rubs. 
“This area is so sensitive that even your breath can do good things to it,” writes sex educator Emily Nagoski. 
(Side note: never blow air directly into the vagina. In rare cases, doing so can cause a fatal air embolism . Blowing lightly on your partner is fine; blowing into her is not.)
Another hot zone is your lady’s fourchette. It’s a tiny ‘lip’ located below her vaginal opening, where her inner labia meet at the bottom.
With well-lubricated fingers, try stroking from fourchette to frenulum, and back. But be careful. Nagoski advises that if your partner has given birth, the fourchette may be scarred or torn, which can make it sore.
The pubic mound is the squishy region of tissue just above the pubic bone. (It’s where pubic hair usually grows). Massaging this region has been my go-to masturbation method for years.
“This area is connected to the hood of the clitoris,” says sexologist Jess O’Reilly. That’s why touching the pubic mound can feel so sensual.
For example, “gently pulling the skin in an up-and-down motion can stroke the internal shaft of the clit .”
To vary the sensation, press down with four fingertips. Then move the skin of the pubic mound in circles.
Once you’ve warmed up your partner’s vulva, turn your attention to her clit.
Nagoski describes this organ as “the center of a woman’s erotic world.” 
It’s also “exquisitely sensitive” — so you should never begin by touching by the glans. But following sufficient arousal, a lot of the magic happens here.
“86.5% of women pleasure themselves by focusing exclusively on their clits,” says Mintz. Simply put, the clitoris is “the key to many women’s orgasms.”
Be warned: some women’s clits are so sensitive that they only respond well to indirect touch. Talk to your partner first to see if this applies to her. Communication is key!
Below is a list of clit stimulation techniques my partner regularly uses on me. Though I’m a sucker for them all, your lady might strongly prefer some over others.
Try the following and see how she reacts:
Trace tiny circles onto the head of her clitoris, applying hardly any pressure.
Trace wider circles around her clitoral hood, applying a little more pressure.
Repeat the two steps above, replacing the circles with up-and-down movements instead.
Switch back to circles, and speed up for a while. Slow down, then gradually speed up again.
Tease her! Slide your wet finger away from her clit, down to her fourchette, and back.
My boyfriend tends to use the middle finger on his dominant hand to stimulate my clit. With his ring finger and index finger, he keeps my outer labia parted so my clit remains exposed.
That works best for him — but you may find another method easier!
As you try different types of stimulation, check in and see how your partner feels about each one. 
Sometimes her moans of “yes! Right there!” will tell you all you need to know. At other times, you might need a clearer breakdown of what’s working and what isn’t.
Not everyone feels comfortable giving detailed sexual feedback. Hence, Harris suggests asking your partner simple questions like: “harder or softer?”,“faster or slower?”, “left or right?”, and so on.
Giving your partner two options can make it easier for her to request the adjustments she wants.
Good fingering doesn’t always involve putting fingers into the vagina, Harris reminds us. 
Many women find external stimulation more satisfying than penetration. I’m one of them!
Yet despite my love
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