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My Wife Wants to Be a Whore … And She Wants Me to Be Her Pimp!
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The intimate, the harrowing, the sweet, the surprising — the human.
Because if you don’t, 20 other willing participants will.
EUGENE, SIR: My wife has just let me know that she has a whore obsession. We have three kids and have been married since she was 23 and I was 25. She is 45 now and says it had been building for a while but everything about it turns her on. She wanted to tell me because the fantasy was getting overpowering. Not so that I could stop her but because she needed to explain why she had been so bored in bed the last few years. To this end she wants me to be her “pimp.” Find men for her to have sex with. Charge them. She has suggested doing this through Craigslist or Eros Guide. If I say no, I’m afraid she’ll do it anyway. If I say yes I am concerned about the repercussions. Legal and otherwise. What should I do? – Name withheld
Standing between someone and a long-held fantasy is a tough place to be. While on the one hand it’s terrible to think of a fantasy going unrealized, on the other hand your concerns are well placed. Prostitution last year was a $186 billion industry on the backs of about 13,265,900 prostitutes. Women associated with the trade are arrested much more frequently than men, assorted studies show . Which means whether you’re getting busted for pimping or she’s getting busted for whoring, the justice system is, in all likelihood, going to be part of your future.
But these are legal concerns and don’t get to the root of the emotional/relational aspect of what your wife has told you, something that, to my ears, doesn’t sound like it upsets you much and it probably shouldn’t. I mean the last few years of lackluster sex would be enough to open your mind to much that your mind wouldn’t have been open to before. How to handle it is what you’re asking and my suggestion is this: Go to your local swingers’ group and advertise your kink. Under the purview of play and the money not being the primary motive you might be able to avoid legal backlashes. I mean if you’re not collecting cash you’re not a pimp even if the whoring seems the same.
Try this along with whatever seems more comfortable: You being present or you not being present. This will either improve your marriage or kill it but if it doesn’t improve it, it was going to die anyway. It’s a bold giant step into doing something different and adventurous — and it’s dangerous from any number of different viewpoints. But it seems like you’ve reached a crisis point anyway and something needs to be done, so why not this? Conceal it from the kids like you do the rest of your sex life, be super circumspect about it and hope for the best.
EUGENE, SIR: I had deep suspicions that my boyfriend (we live together) was cheating. Mostly on account of finding underwear around that wasn’t mine. I’m not proud of this but I set up a camera so I could see what was happening at our place when I’m not there. He teaches and gets home from work first. I discovered that this is his underwear. I mean it’s women’s underwear but that’s what he is wearing. Other things too. Whole outfits. He’s alone when doing this. Not so fun to watch but not something to end the relationship over. I want to know how to get this out in the open so we don’t have to have secrets. – Colleen
I think you mean you want to know how to get this out in the open without revealing the creepy presence of home surveillance, yes? Since if you reveal you’ve been secretly home taping, it opens up a whole can of worms that causes what you found out to be overshadowed by HOW you found out. And how you found out — by hiding teeny tiny cameras all over the house you shared with one other person — no matter what the motivation, is all harm and foul.
Relationships can be a dirty business and sloppiness regarding the women’s underwear he might be wearing could also be a harbinger of other sloppiness to come. So call what you did dirty due diligence — had he not started it by leaving his flimsy underthings hither and yon, you’d have never gone down the Inspector Gadget road to begin with.
But how to get this out in the open? Well, there are two paths you can go by: Admit to the hidden camera as how you found out or don’t admit to the camera but do admit to the finding of the panties.
The former could also be divided into telling the truth about the camera or telling a lie connected to needing it for “security” reasons or something else similarly threadbare. I’ll never advise you to lie so if you tell the truth you’ll have a lot of heavy lifting to do since it might be argued that he left the underwear around to spark a discussion, not to incur the creep factor of home surveillance, and you may lose this one.
However, if you go with the technically accurate though parsed truth — you found his underwear — this lets you broach the topic without admitting to malfeasance and the discussions can begin. And I’d guess you know that most studies show that this particular kink is not an automatic indicator of homosexuality, if you were even tempted to think that. Moreover there are great resources out there, like Transformation , where he can go as deep as you and he are interested in going.
In any case, asking about the underwear would be a necessary first step and the least loaded and possibly most successful way to go.
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Jean-Batave is a martial artist from the viking stronghold of Normandy, France. He travels the world looking for new fighting techniques and new beautiful women. Eastern Europe taught him everything he knows and is his second home. His column runs every Thursday.
I have had my fair share of women. While some encounters were a truly positive addition to my life, most were sluturions (“slut” plus “centurion”) who’ve dealt with one-hundred spears. Below, I’ve compiled a list of the recurring patterns from women who I’m certain have been with over one-hundred men.
Sluturion threat level based on piercings
Having piercings in sensitive areas shows a tolerance to pain and a taste for self-destruction, attention, and validation. The more dangling and flashy, the higher the notch count.
The same attraction to pain combines with a chronic need for attention. Understand that tattoos are not edgy and not “who she is.” It is a mark, formerly reserved to prostitutes, that signals to men that they won’t have to work too hard to sleep with her. As above, the larger and more visible the tat, the more promiscuous the tart.
It is never a good sign if they give it up on the same night or a few hours after knowing you, no matter how smooth you are. But hectoslags have no self-control when they get the tingles.
Sleeping with you is her goal in the interaction, instead of being a step taken towards something more meaningful. Sex—and the process leading to it—will feel like a formality.
My friend Sery likes to say: “She sucks dick too good to be a good girl.” Hectoslags don’t need direction or training. Their skills scream “slut/pro” while they show absolutely no emotion. She will keep eye contact, talk dirty and use her tongue in all the right places. If she deep throats you with no gag reflex or if she tries to lick your butthole, you might want to plan an exit after a few bangs.
Some might even advertise the fact that they are good and received “positive feedback” in the past. Giant crimson flag. Proceed with caution.
Women with high mileage are permanently scarred and it shows through a black, emotionless stare. She has the eyes of someone who could snap at any given minute. This blank stare comes from…
Learn to recognise the thousand-cock stare and never commit to a girl who has it.
A sluturion mainly gets her rocks off with sex in itself and the “supposed” empowerment of multiple partners. Therefore, she avoids affection to set an emotional barrier between herself and men.
Even though she shows no physical affection, she tends to overuse terms of endearment like “darling,” “honey,” “daddy,” or its national equivalent, but it will feel out of place. She attempts to compensate the total absence of actual feelings to keep her target unaware of her indifference.
She cannot go a weekend without booze, pills, or narcotics. They take away the pain that comes with her spiritual solitude. Her states of drunkenness or stupor usually result in public shame , degrading sex, or accidents where others pay the price of her stupidity.
She keeps repeating the same mistakes until hitting rock bottom: tequila shots in a crowded club in her twenties, then a bottle of wine a night with perhaps one friend in her thirties, and back to hard alcohol while alone in her forties.
This should probably be number one on the list. For girls who frequently take it in the rear, the “wrinkled surface” of her anus becomes larger and darker than a normal mucous membrane should be due to forced dilatation and contraction. It usually looks like a balloon knot protruding instead of being flat. It can also present tears due to excessive entry.
Sluturions show little signs of pain or protestation before and during anal. She might even ask you herself to put it in. Anal bleaching, another procedure on the rise, comes from porn stars who wanted to hide the consequences of years of anal abuse .
She remains selfish and only focuses on her pleasure and her orgasm. The man’s nut, although sacred, is not her priority. She may also ask for financial or material favours from men in exchange for sexual “bonuses.” She sees sex as completely transactional.
What Instagram does to a woman. From wife material to Dubai toilet.
The advent of Instagram was to sluts what the invention of the wheel was to mankind, a way to be more effective and take the production rate to the next level with minimal effort (getting attention, money, and penises in this particular case).
The two basic needs of the sluturion, money and attention, are covered with the use of Instagram. She receives…
And if you ever see a girl on Instagram featuring pictures of Dubai, she is actively being shat on .
Having “daddy issues” is most common among sluturions. She tries to find the paternal affection she rarely felt through legions of sexual partners, but to no avail.
She can be “hot,” “sexy,” or “bangable,” but sluturions are rarely beautiful. Her physical appeal comes mainly from the sexual signals she conveys instead of her genetic beauty.
A beautiful girl might trigger feelings of love and protection from a man, but the sluturion only generates a mix of lust, disdain, and morbid fascination. It is not rare to meet quite a few hectoslags in the “butterface” department. I have yet to meet a girl that kept a stunning face after bedding several tons of men, probably because science has showed that mammalian females absorb DNA from a man’s ejaculate .
She cannot be bothered to improve her situation or stop drinking. She will not go out on a date with a good man who does not meet her delusional standards. She has zero interest in personal development or accomplishments. She never reads or questions her surroundings.
She cultivates the “bimbo” style of leopard print, trashy pink shoes, and absurd cleavage. In other words, she appears like a low-grade prostitute. Wind, rain, or snow, she always dresses like a whore, even with her family around (if she has one).
She actively advertises her promiscuity to dominant males while shaming average men who would dare look at her exposed flesh. She has no notion of public shame. She is ready to have sex anywhere, anytime, and always looks the part.
She often fucks foreign men or of another race than her own. She can do it at home if her country is all about “refugees welcome,” or she might be a “horizontal traveler” who thinks Eat, Pray, Love is a manual to life. The fun ends somewhere between Istanbul and Mogadishu.
She loves going on vacation overseas with “her girls” or travels alone, with little or no known source of income. Her holes start to have more miles than Donald Trump’s private jet.
The sluturion’s attractiveness is artificial instead of natural. Putting in the work to become more attractive progressively (when the issue is not a birth defect) is out of the question, so she gets bigger lips, fake eyebrows, a nose job, fake breasts, and butt implants. The roadwork is usually being paid for by the state or a sponsor. Tuthmosis Sonofra once said “ the bigger the cosmetic lie, the bigger the slut .”
She attends a Slut Walk to show how much she cares about body positivity and slut-shaming, since she is a slut herself. She wants to live in a world where sluts can be themselves without getting stoned.
The length of her labia depends on factors such as genetics, race, and age, but an “accordion” vagina which has a roast beef aspect is the result of broken collagen fibers from forceful impact during intercourse, sexually transmitted diseases, and hormonal disruption caused by birth control (Source: Sean A Runacres, Journal of Cosmetic Gynaecology, volume 29).
This is why labioplasty has became so popular . Über-sluts know that having labia that drags on the floor will peg them as a slut.
You told her to come over. There is small talk after she arrives. You both undress. You get your nut. This is what usually follows…
Out the door less than twenty minutes after climax. Once the deed is done, she doesn’t see the point in staying around. And neither do you.
She is often confrontational and hostile. She craves drama and is mentally unhinged. Her temper is so unstable that she picks fights with alpha males. The usual accusation is infidelity (projecting) before leading to physical violence. She tends to avoid fighting with beta males to continue milking them of their resources.
Outbursts of violence are also directed at herself. Self-harm is common among hectoslags. They often try to commit suicide as a cry for attention.
She feels a need to broadcast her narcissism while baiting potential lovers or sponsors. She’s an expert at using filters and Myspace angles. She will have the exact same photo taken a hundred times because it hides one of her flaws.
She might do regular “shoots” at first, but they will soon involve less and less clothes, as female vanity pushes her to maximize the amount of attention she receives.
She regularly watches videos featuring gangbangs, interracial cuckoldery, violent sex, and lesbianism. She reaches a point where her brain became completely rewired and she can only climax watching the most obscene material. The normal sex that was good in the past becomes boring.
Thanks to porn , her love life feels forced and staged. Her lines in bed during the act will sound like they come straight out of a porn set (e.g., “Spank me daddy,” “I am your little slut”).
Birds of a feather flock together. Was she a bartender in a strip club? Does she have stripper or camgirl friends? Has she ever worked in Vegas, Macao, or other locations rich in casinos and wealthy businessmen? Did she take pole dance classes, strip in the past, or help promote a burlesque club? Unload and leave.
She puts a front on the internet while she is miserable in real life. She experiences a “happy relationship” or “love at first sight” when a repeat pump-and-dump gets lazy and sticks around for a few weeks. Every now and then, she carts around a man as the “boyfriend” as an act of public relations.
Even more than other women, she can’t accept guilt. Anything that happens is always someone else’s fault. She can’t help it! She is just sexual! A slut is just a woman with the morals of a man! The rationalisation hamster is already quite busy with normal women, so it must work around the clock within the brain of the hectoslag.
Another red flag is if she has seen a shrink in the past. Instead of trying to solve the root of the problem (hook-up culture, substance abuse, no goals, childless existence), she ends up taking prescription drugs to make the problem even worse.
No protection. Drunken hook-up. An abortion appointment that was booked too early on the Saturday following Ladies’ Night at her favourite club.
She has pictures of her children all over Facebook but secretly loathes them, because they took away her looks (instead of her just having a bad lifestyle), hindered her sexual agenda, or were not sired by the alpha male she wanted.
The dreaded three-zero has finally arrived without a boyfriend, but it doesn’t mean she was sexually inactive during t
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