Unconventional Stepdaughter Sex Therapy
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Unconventional Stepdaughter Sex Therapy
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When sexual desires and impulses arise within us at a very fast pace, we look for quick solutions to get rid of them. However, those solutions do not last for long, because it is not possible to control sexual desires through a quick fix. It requires thorough understanding, a lot of patience, internal steadiness, and most importantly, a firm commitment.
By distancing yourself from the very things that cause the impulses in the first place. In other words, you should not look at images, watch videos, or read stories that are of a sexual nature. When you engage in any of these activities, they cause the multiplication of sexual impulses by tenfold, making it harder to control the desires.
Avoid any eye contact with people of the opposite sex and avoid touching at all costs. Avoid the company of people or friends that encourage sexuality, even jokingly. You never know when you might agree with them.
Let us see what advice and understanding Param Pujya Dadashri provides in His own words:
“As far as sex is concerned, the more one enjoys it, the more intense a burning desire will arise. Then sex will alight even more. Whatever happiness one enjoys, the thirst for it will increase. The thirst increases due to enjoyment. The thirst will go away by not indulging in it. That is called trushna (a thirst; strong desire). By not getting involved in the sexual act, one may become uneasy and unsettled for a month or two. However loss of familiarity is the key. With loss of familiarity, one will completely forget sexuality." He also advises you to , “ Stay as far away from the company of those who are likely to trap you in sexuality, because if you get trapped even once, you will keep on getting into trap after trap. Therefore run! You must run as far away from that person as possible. You would not slip if you leave the place where there are chances of slipping.”
In addition, prolonging sexual thoughts and fantasizing how you can enjoy it, will also make the impulses stronger. Therefore, a person should remain alert and not let any sexual thought continue for more than a second .
But how do you stop these thoughts or impulses in the first place? Through analysis and study of what sexuality actually is . This includes completely devaluing the object of attraction (i.e. the person, thoughts, body parts, etc.) to zero. You can do this by thinking about all the ways that the pleasure derived from sexuality is merely illusory, not real, and only temporary. When you are indulging in some form of sexuality, you tend to forget how filthy the human body actually is. For instance, you forget that every pore and opening in our body releases waste, which looks and smells awful. If faeces, sweat, and other discharge smell so bad, imagine how it would be inside the body. In addition, if there is real pleasure and happiness in physical contact and touch, then there should be pleasure even when your skin has an open wound or rash, but that is not the case. Furthermore, any form of dependency is the cause of suffering in this world, so how can dependency on someone else be the reason for happiness?
Once you have distanced yourself from sexuality and analyzed that there is no happiness in it, what do you when sexual impulses arise within you?
This is a list of tips and tricks on how to control sexual desires or impulses as soon as they arise:
Depending on the intensity and the type of impulses you have, you may need to use multiple keys at the same time or you may find some keys work better in some situations while others in other situations. Trick is not to get overwhelmed if one key does not work, you should be ready to use another key instantly. The battle is never lost; you just have to keep finding new ways of fighting.
Because of indifference towards sensual pleasures, the control ( saiyam ) over sexual desires and impulses that arise, will last forever. This indifference can only occur through detailed contemplation about how the happiness derived through sensual pleasures is only illusory. Rather than thinking about things that pull us more towards sexuality, we should think about all the consequences of being entrapped in sensual pleasures, and all the benefits and importance of brahmacharya (celibacy).
Click here to learn about the benefits of practicing celibacy.
Click here to know the importance of practicing celibacy.
The ultimate step for getting rid of sexual desires is to understand with conviction that there is no happiness in any form of sexuality in any way. In order to achieve this, one has to taste the bliss that is higher than that derived from sexual pleasures. That bliss can only be attained from one’s own Pure Soul. To experience the bliss of the Pure Soul, a person must attain Self Realization from the living Gnani Purush .
Click here to learn more about Self Realization.
Questioner : In what way does the Gnani Purush ’s sentence and words purge sex?
Dadashri : Sex begins to stop day by day otherwise even reading books for thousands of years will not do anything.
Questioner : Why is his sentence so effective?
Dadashri : His sentence is tremendous, very powerful. It is said that his words are such that it will cause diarrhea for one. Would that not tell you how powerful his words must be?
Questioner: How does a Gnani acquire the energy and power of these words?
Dadashri: One attains this energy and power of words only when he is absolutely free of all impulses of sexuality in his mind, speech, and body ( nirvishayi ). Such energy that unfolds all aspects of sexuality in its true light is not to be found in this world. Only he, who is absolutely free of all sexual impulses, has the energy and verbal power to totally purge sexuality.
Gnani Purush ’s words can purge all sexual passions. He is not a Gnani Purush if his words do not cause purging of sexual passions.
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Not everyone has their needs met in a single relationship, and the only avenue for satisfying those needs within monogamy is cheating. What if there’s a much better way?
Ten months after her husband, Hal, died, Rebecca Woolf posted on Instagram that she was in a new relationship. She hadn’t meant to “‘meet someone’ meet someone,” as she put it. What the 39-year-old, newly single mother of four (and former mega-mom blogger ) meant to do was have a lot of casual sex . She ended up in a relationship anyway, she wrote, and not only that, she was continuing to date in the meantime. Then, in parentheses, “that’s for a whole other post about monogamy and how it’s not for everyone. Hi.”
The comments on the post accumulated quickly, mostly from others who felt judged for finding love quickly after loss. But privately, in Woolf’s direct messages, women responded to that last aside. They told her that they, too, wanted to open their relationships, but their husbands had refused or almost certainly would if asked.
A month later, as promised, Woolf posted a follow-up. “After speaking candidly to many via DM, I have come to realize how … women are often assumed to desire monogamy in our relationships when that isn’t necessarily the case. At all.”
This time, the comments filled with women, often mothers, often married, admitting — before God, their employers, and brands that pay influencers — that they, too, were nonmonogamous. Some of them had been for years. “My ex and I started exploring poly in the last few years of our marriage,” wrote one woman. “I realized how much I had overlooked my needs and wants to keep things calm. I realized that ‘good enough’ wasn’t good enough.”
“I had three little kids and my whole life revolved around taking care of them and working...I realized that my world had become very small,” wrote another.
“Im in a monogamous marriage with my husband, which is my personal preference, but I love hearing other people’s sexual preferences and how they explore that,” wrote a third.
In the last 20 years, nonmonogamy has become far more visible, if not quite mainstream. Consensual nonmonogamy, also known as ethical nonmonogamy, has a long history in the United States, although always on the fringes — a social experiment among the transcendentalists in the 19th century, an extension of the free love movement in the late ’60s and early ’70s, rumored swingers parties in any self-respecting suburb forever thereafter. Today, about one-fifth of Americans have tried it. Between 4% and 5% practice it , which is way less than you might think if you live in Massachusetts or Northern California, where it can seem as if at least one kid in every class hails from a polycule, and way more than you might think if you live anywhere else. There is no published data on how many parents are openly nonmonogamous.
The rationale, which runs counter to the legally enshrined family structure in every Western society, is that some people can’t get their needs met from a single relationship. The only avenue for meeting those needs within monogamy is cheating. In consensual nonmonogamy, there’s a conversation, and then, rather than ending the relationship, one or both partners begin having some type of secondary relationship.
For consenting adults, this makes a lot of sense. When you have children, some mothers are discovering, it makes even more sense. While the risks are considerable — researchers have found that stigma against nonmonogamy is “robust,” not all forms of nonmonogamy are equally satisfying, and all seem to require NASA-level organization and communication — for the women who have embraced it, the upside is higher. While they initially opened their relationships to meet their sexual needs, nonmonogamy has become an outlet that Woolf and other ethically nonmonogamous moms — nonmonoga-moms? — say makes them better primary partners and better mothers.
Polyamory (being in more than one committed, romantic relationship simultaneously), in particular, offers a pressure valve for the untenable two-earner family structure that finally broke during the pandemic. According to the women I spoke with, nonmonogamy works — even better than advertised. It works so well, you might find yourself asking: Why don’t more of us try this? Why haven’t we all along?
Erin Broderick was one of the people who commented on Woolf’s second post. She and her husband of 18 years first had sex with another couple a few months into their relationship, when they were only 19, but it felt very taboo. “I was still a staunch Republican pro-lifer at that point,” she says. The 39-year-old auto insurance adjuster from Omaha and her software engineer husband, who is from Wichita, had both gone to Catholic school; their respective sets of parents are still married. “I didn’t even know that I was bisexual until then. I was more attracted to her than I was to him. She was the one I wanted to explore a relationship with.”
As she remembers it, the encounter left her then-boyfriend (now husband) in tears. “He was like, ‘Does this mean you’re gay and you’re not going to want to stay with me because you want to be with women?’” she says. “I didn’t really have any answers for him, so mostly I was reassuring him that I definitely wanted to be with him, but that I did have strong romantic feelings for her.”
They have been dating other couples on and off ever since. “We just meet other people, form intense friendships with them, then we’re like, ‘Gosh, we really like you. And we would really like to have a romantic and sexual relationship with you.’ It just kind of happen[s] organically.” (They also meet people through OkCupid.)
Their children, ages 16, 14, and 11, know they are nonmonogamous, and while the kids don’t love hearing about it — “they want us to be like other people’s parents” — Broderick has taken care to ensure that it doesn’t impact their lives all that much. When they were younger, she says, “It was very regimented. Our dating lives with other people would take place after the kids were in bed, from 9 p.m. until midnight. Then we [would] start our day again at 7:30 a.m.”
Usually, Broderick and her husband both have a relationship with the woman. Broderick may also have a relationship with the man. (Her husband has explored sex with men but isn’t that into it.) “The big thing is, it’s not really my husband that’s super nonmonogamous. It’s me. It always comes from me.”
The prototypical couple who opens their relationship consists of a man attracted exclusively to women and a woman who is attracted to both men and woman, according to Terri Conley , a professor and social psychologist at the University of Michigan whose watershed 2017 study demonstrated that consensual nonmonogamy is as satisfying as monogamy . In another paper, soon to be published in Archives of Sexual Behavior, Conley looks at the ways that different types of ethical nonmonogamy yield different levels of happiness. Polyamorists, those who are in love with more than one person at a time, have the greatest overall relationship satisfaction. The next happiest are swingers — couples who together seek out sex with others. People in open relationships, who seek outside partners independently with the expectation that these extracurricular liaisons will not interfere with the primary couple, come in last.
The study doesn’t ultimately draw conclusions about this hierarchy of contentment, but Conley has theories. Open relationships ironically involve the least openness, which can turn them into minefields of blurry parameters and perceived betrayals. Also, such relationships often open not out of a desire to expand or enhance an already good thing, but as an attempt to fill a void. “I think sometimes they would actually prefer to be monogamous, but circumstances dictate that they’re adopting this approach,” says Conley. “They’re in a long-distance relationship, or their partner is in some way physically not able to do the type of sex they want to do.”
Swingers are happier because their extracurricular encounters are not just known to their partners, but they constitute a shared hobby that couples do together. (Golf isn’t for everyone.) Plus, swinging is associated with the highest sexual satisfaction — the entire activity is organized around seeking excellent sex — and couples who find sexual satisfaction together are generally happier. Polyamorists win because the near-constant open communication and honesty that polyamory requires is associated with better relationships of any kind.
Another of Woolf’s commenters was Kelly Knight , a 39-year-old marketing executive who lives in a house in the Bay Area with her spouse, Mike, a software engineering manager; her other partner, Adam; and Mike’s other partner, Max. Mike and Knight are legal parents to a daughter Knight gave birth to in 2016. In September, Knight had her second child, conceived with Adam, who is on the baby’s birth certificate. All four partners are raising the two kids.
If this sounds complex, it is. The biggest misconception about her lifestyle, Knight says, is that it’s driven by a voracious sexual appetite. “Of course everyone’s like, ‘You’re just slutty,’” Knight says. When she came out as poly to her conservative parents, she recalls, “The first thing my mom said to me was, ‘Oh, are you just having orgies all the time?’ I was like, ‘God, no. There’s so much more talking than orgies.’”
Parenting by committee can be especially challenging — all resentments must be talked out at a weekly meeting, “otherwise the passive aggression can kind of get out of control” — but Knight has noticed distinct benefits.
In her household, not only are responsibilities divided between four trusted adults, but because they are coordinating four work schedules and eight date nights even before factoring in household chores and child care, tasks are allocated only according to who is free. “Nobody can just assume, ‘Oh, the moms [Max is nonbinary but was assigned female at birth] are doing this or the dads are doing this.’ It has allowed my male partners, who have always been really feminist, to view my work as just as important as theirs and view their involvement in parenting as just as important, too.”
In the pandemic, when many professional women have seen their careers vanish as child care options evaporated, this has been even more valuable to Knight. “Adam, Mike, and I have been able to work from home, and Max [is] in school. We all take a two-hour shift, which allows the other parents to be at 75% productivity, which is pretty good.”
Her second child’s birth ended up being complicated, which was hard on Knight, but also revealed how polyamory has removed challenges that other women encounter in the baby-making era of life. For one thing, she wasn’t isolated during maternity leave. Her best memory of the past several months is of a night early on in her recovery from a serious bout of postpartum preeclampsia. Her blood pressure spiked, and with it her anxiety. “Max sat with me, and they held the baby, and we watched reruns of Gilmore Girls while I calmed down,” she recalls. She and Max do not have a sexual relationship, but their connection is profound.
When Knight’s libido was very low in the months after the baby was born, she didn’t have to defend her disinterest and didn’t feel guilty about it. “If I were in a monogamous relationship, my partner, male or female, would probably be disappointed that I wasn’t up for things sooner, and the focus would just be on me, right? Whereas I can kind of go, ‘Oh well, you have other partners.’”
Last but definitely not least, Max and Mike (Knight’s partners who aren’t her younger child’s biological parents) take the baby for three nights a week, giving Knight uninterrupted sleep those nights. How sexy is that?
This is not what some people want to hear about nonmonogamy. Despite increased visibility, there remains a profound stigma against those who choose something different. Conley, the social psychologist, says she has never encountered more resistance to publishing her findings than she did when she reviewed the existing research and found no evidence that monogamy offers couples
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