Uk Escort Review
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Miranda KaneThursday 22 Dec 2016 7:00 am
Because yes, even escorts get online reviews in 2016.
Let’s face it – we’ve all read a review for something. Whether it’s cars, clothes, or lady-friendly pens.
But have you ever left one? A good one, I mean. Not a scathing comment because it was less embarrassing than asking for your money back.
Unfortunately it’s just human nature that we’re more likely to report a negative experience than a positive one, which is exceptionally awkward when the thing you’re reviewing is sex.
That’s right, sex-workers get reviewed.
I’ve collected my top ten of the latest doozies because I believe – much like reviews for anything else in life – they often say a lot more about the writer than the subject.
10. ‘Fs [Full Sex] was £100. I was like what? I get fs for £50!!!! She then said well thats with these other girls who dont have a passport, i have british pssport!! As if i will be f*cking her passport.’ (SIC)
One side effect of Brexit no-one saw coming.
9. ‘She started the massage and within 30 secs asked if I wanted extra.. I said ask me after as I want to enjoy the massage and she said no. You have to pay me now. Ruined it massively.’ (SIC)
Pesky sex-worker, actually wanting to get paid? What is the world coming to?!
8. ‘Parking is paid and there is free parking at some places around the weekend. Very close to the train station.’
Turns out it’s very important in this line of work.
Who knew logistics could be so sexy?
7. ‘Now…between 13:20 and 14:00 I must have called about 10 times…phone was just ringing. I as thinking she is getting ready and maybe the previous punter overan bit….At 14:00 I called for the last time ….Pissed off I asked if I can come now and she said no.’ (SIC)
How could she not want to have sex with someone who is pissed off and called her 10 times in a 40 minute period?
I mean, it’s not as if he made himself seem like a total creep or anything.
As for not answering her phone while she might have been in an appointment…see number four.
6. ‘Pictures are accurate, pretty girl, nice body. No kissing, No licking, No Oral with out and Sex only once in an hour session….I should have clarified everything in advance but i was expecting all these services as a given.’ (SIC)
Damn her! How could she not read his mind?
To be fair, I was the same when I once asked for a Happy Meal, and the novelty toy wasn’t a wrap of amphetamines.
5. ‘Walked in, asked for an hour massage for 50, they showed me to a room, it was disgusting. Hair on the sheet, shower was dirty, I was just not feeling it. I only took my shoes off and was contemplating leaving, then fate struck. I heard someone fart, not a normal fart but an ungodly machine gun’ (SIC)
Lols for the mood-killer of the century!
4. ‘The biggest negative for my experience was that she answers phone calls from punters during the session this was a major drawback as one keen punter called about 3-4 times during my session.’ (SIC)
It’s like watching Donald Trump repeatedly kick himself in the face, and blaming it on Mexico.
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3. ‘She had a sign in the bathroom saying ‘Do not wash your dick in the sink’.’
2. ‘Sadly, this review has to be a negative because even as an experienced punter that knows how to extract services, I found myself working far too hard with her. I left the place feeling abit down & thinking ‘why do I even bother to fuck these whores?” (SIC)
Is it because, and I’m just spit-balling here, but is it because you use phrases like ‘extract services’?
Or is it because, and you can say no, but is it because you use phrases like ‘why do I even bother to fuck these whores?’
Not sure if you can tell but that makes you sound like a grade-A, super-rapey bellend.
Ok, not a direct quote, but still a bit of an own goal.
Unfortunately, you will get the occasional advert where the lady in the picture is not the one who answers the door. In which case the client can just turn away and say, ‘No thank you’.
However, in 99.9% of the reviews I found about this, they stayed, paid, and complained about it afterwards.
Hate to break it to you chaps but as long as you keep paying, you’re providing a market for this kind of thing.
There’s an overall feeling that the only thing these boys are after is a sense of ‘value for money’, even down to having to pay an extra couple quid for parking!
It feels like they’re holding back on any kind of sexiness, playfulness or just sheer fun (because that’s what this really should be about, right?) just to make sure they can get as many services crammed into an hour as they possibly can.
I can’t help but feel a bit sorry for them, especially the ones who are prolific reviewers and make it into a hobby.
Rather than enjoying the time they have (seemingly begrudgingly) paid for, they’re using it more as a way to peacock.
That is, to go on a forum and show off what they managed to get for the rock bottom prices they’re willing to pay and then complain if they get anything less than they expected in their furtive imagination.
There’s a mixed reaction to reviews.
Some can be useful – when someone is running a bait and switch scam for instance.
But otherwise, I can’t help but think that if you can’t say anything nice, then you shouldn’t say anything at all.
And as for the level of service you expect – just remember, you get more bees with honey than you do with vinegar.
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