Ugly Pregnant
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Ugly Pregnant
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"It's OK to feel more like a clump of hair in a shower drain than a maternal goddess on a mountaintop."
Every time I waddled into her office, deep in the throes of the third trimester of my third pregnancy, 65 pounds heavier than my normal self and peeing myself every time I coughed, my midwife would gush, "You look so beautiful."
I didn't feel lovely. Or beautiful. Or glowing. Or even attractive. I felt repulsive. And guilty.
I felt like I owed it to all the women who wanted babies and couldn't have them, or all the women who had legitimately complicated pregnancies, or the strangers who commented on pregnancy being the most beautiful time in a woman's life to pretend like I felt that glow, that je ne se quoi . But I didn't.
Sometimes I had to practice deep breathing just to quell the panic that I was never going to fit into my pre-pregnancy jeans again. I wish someone had told me it's OK to feel more like a clump of hair in a shower drain than a maternal goddess on a mountaintop. I wasn't going to mommy hell for daring to think something negative about the process of cooking my little one. It's a gross process. It's weird. It's foreign. And that's OK too.
Perspective is a funny thing. I look back at photos of myself when I was pregnant and feel sexy. I looked far more inviting and voluptuous than I thought I did at the time. But I haven't forgotten how waddling about in a body so different from the athletic one I'd taken for granted wasn't easy. For weight-conscious women, it can feel terrifying, like a complete loss of control. It wasn't fat-shaming to say I felt ugly. It was an acknowledgement of my truth: My body was changing. Possibly for good. I wasn't able to run as fast or jump as far or get into the deep backbends that are part of my daily yoga practice. Would I ever get it back? I was scared.
Yes, it's only for a finite period of time. Yes, it's for a good cause. No, I didn't owe anyone false bravado. That fear was real.
It's time to cut the crap and allow pregnant women to feel ugly, wretched, bloated, unattractive, and miserable — you know, if that's how they feel.
This isn't to say that the people who tell us we are lovely when we are preggo are lying. Quite the contrary. Even though I hated my body when I was pregnant just two short years ago, I find myself gushing to pregnant women: "You are glowing," "Wow, pregnancy becomes you," or, "You have never looked better."
They do look stunning. Lit from within. Positively bursting with life and voluptuous in ways that are pleasing to the eye. But I should know better than anyone that if they aren't feeling it, it doesn't matter what I say. Yes, there are women who felt gorgeous when they were pregnant, sure. But once you get a group of seasoned mamas chatting, you quickly find out those of us in the ugly preggo club are not alone. "I never felt less attractive than when I was knocked up," one friend told a group of us when we were chatting about our pregnant bodies.
But voices like my friend's are drowned out by the voices that tell women how they "should" feel during this magical time — alive! Brimming with joy! More beautiful than ever !
Meanwhile, our culture often seeks to shame and guilt pregnant moms for what we eat, how much we eat, how much we exercise (or don't). The news is full of Scary Pregnant Lady Headlines! You could get that disease from eating this cheese. Don't wear this fabric or your baby will have cancer. Don't drink this drink or you will have a miscarriage. Maybe hating our bodies is the natural response to all that scrutiny. Maybe it's not the fat we hate, but the sudden notion that our bodies are public property, subject to the judgment and belly rubs of any passing stranger.
As a pregnant woman, what I wanted more than anything was to feel like myself. So I'm declaring a moratorium on all the "glow" talk. From now on, when I see a pregnant woman, I plan to compliment her outfit, her smile, her work accomplishments. If I must bring up appearance, a simple "you look lovely" will do the trick, and if she complains and says she feels anything but, I promise not to argue. She doesn't owe me — or anyone — feigned maternal bliss.
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Is anyone else feeling this way? We have not shared our news with anyone, so I don’t feel like I have many people to talk to about anything.I’ve been super tired, and managed to get today off work, but refused the day tmrw. Work also doesn’t...
September 06, 2022 | by aliciaward232
I’m 22wks pregnant and for over a month or 2 I started getting back acne. It wasn’t too bad at first but now my whole lower to mid back is absolutely covered in small pimples that look almost like ant bites because they are so small and there...
Latest: 6 days ago | Monique19950511
Husband has been neglecting/treating me bad during pregnancy
My partner has been very mean/negligent during my pregnancy. I’m 4 months along and just feel like I’ve made a terrible mistake by getting pregnant with him. He makes no efforts to reassure me and criticizes me very heavily. I asked if he’s...
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Maybe I’m alone in this, but I’m struggling today. My husband and I are having our wedding party at the end of May (although we got legally married earlier this year). We decided to try for baby right away since I’m 35 and I assumed it would take a few months. We got REALLY lucky and got pregnant on our first try. I feel very blessed that this happened. Especially since I have friends and family who had to try for months and even years before they conceived. I’m very excited about my baby, so this post in no way is regretful. I’m just gaining weight, getting acne, can’t get Botox and I just feel all around not pretty during this pregnancy. Had I not been pregnant, I would be doing some fad diet and working out like crazy to look perfect for my wedding. I’d also definitely get Botox, and would have been on accutane for this acne. Instead, I’ve been so tired and sick that I rarely have been able to work out, and now that I’m not as sick, I just want to eat all the time! I’m erupting in acne too. I’ve started working out slowly, but I don’t think I’ll see a miracle before the end of May. I’m trying to remind myself how blessed I am, but at the same time I’m really sad that I won’t be the pretty bride I always thought I’d be. Am I being crazy? Anyone else feel really unattractive pregnant? Again, I know I’m very blessed with my baby. It’s just a feeling I’m having and am acknowledging. I should also mention that I had an eating disorder in my teenage years and this is the same feeling I remember from back then- feeling like I have no control and need to do something drastic (I know I can’t bc my baby’s health comes first, but still). Sighh
I have struggled with this on and off. Bloat and not fitting in my regular pants since week 8 has been tough. It helped to get maternity pants that are more comfortable and so I feel a little more confident than trying to squeeze into my pants. I also had worse acne earlier in pregnancy. And I’ve just been so tired and unmotivated and not feeling like myself. I think that’s the hardest part for me.
Pregnancy is such a miracle and I’ve lost two babies so believe me, I know how much of a miracle it is BUT I still can’t help but not totally love the first half. I actually really enjoy the second half of the 2nd trimester and the third trimester bc you actually look pregnant, but the early parts where I just feel bloated and fat are not fun, so don’t be too hard on yourself! We all have our moments
Yes. I’ve started wearing some my maternity shirts. This is my 2nd pregnancy so I am popping sooner but they do help me look pregnant and not just a little fluffy in the belly. I recently got my nails and eyebrows done and that was nice. Maybe I’ll a haircut soon and now that I’m in 2nd trimester I’m going to schedule a massage that I have a gift card for. Doesn’t really change anything but makes me feel good even if I don’t necessarily look as good as I’d like!
I’m sorry to hear you feel this way. I feel like a train wreck! Since covid I haven’t been able to get my nails/toes done, my eye browns and upper lip is a mess I usually wax and i haven’t gotten a hair cut in over a year! And i too have broken out with some acne since getting pregnant! But you’re pregnant, it’s normal to go through changes. Plus there’s super cute maternity dresses that you can get to make you feel pretty and in regards to the acne, are you drinking water? I noticed after I got my meds for morning sickness I was able to drink more water with lemon which helped. Prior to the meds I was so nauseous I couldn’t drink water. I would only drink gatoraid or ginger ale. It was awful. Hang in there, I think the first few months of pregnancy are rough but then you get the pregnancy glow. I’m sure you are pretty. Don’t stress to much and if it makes you feel better buy something new to wear and make sure to get your hair and nails and make up on point. That always helps me.
Your body is doing SO.MUCH.WORK! Give yourself some credit girlfriend! I’m sure You will be glowing on your big day!!!! This will be the last moment focused on you, after baby- people’s focus go completely to the baby. I noticed this with my first and definitely felt some type of way. The reason I say this is you should go all out in any pregnancy safe way you can. If you do lashes- get lash extensions if you do spray tans- get an airbrush tan! You’re pregnant- no one expects you to look thin!! Your little one will be able to look back on your pictures and say MAMA WAS I IN YOUR BELLY IN THIS PICTURE!? enjoy life as is- not what you think it should look like.. and as long as you and your husband are celebrating each other- nothing else should matter! I HATED my hair for my wedding, the dj ended up being horrible, my sister acted as if she was the wedding planner, and It literally felt like it lasted 1 hour- so In retrospect- it was only 1 day that I mostly planned for everyone else without thinking of myself- so do yourself a favor and focus on YOU- your feelings- your husband and the amazing little human you’re bringing into this world! You will be beautiful, without a doubt! You got this! 💪🏼👑
Yes, definitely feel the same way. I feel like I need to lose weight but obviously it’s a bad idea when pregnant. It doesn’t help that I’m starving all the time!
Agree with the Botox too-I wish I had gotten a touch up before getting pregnant 🤪
lol i feel like i look more and more like a potato everyday
It is a huuuuge change being pregnant. With my first I never thought I was going to feel pretty EVER again, I felt like a whale with a broke out face. After I had my little one though I bounced back very quick! Within one month I lost all baby weight and then some and after I healed I started working out 3xs a day and my body was in the best shape I've ever been in in my life! Then, I found out I was pregnant again this January, now at 16 weeks I feel so unattractive and huge. But! This go round I know after the baby ill get my body back where it needs to be and have pretty days again! Its definitely ok and I'd think normal to be kinda meh about not getting to be the bride you pictured, but I'm sure when you look back later on in your pics you'll remember this time and carrying your baby and you will look beautiful in your pics! ❤ Sending hugs!!
Ladies- thank you so much!! I loved reading each of your replies. I was struggling yesterday, but saw my little boy today for my 13 week appointment and am so happy! I think it will be easier once I tell everyone. I’ll also take your advice and go buy a few maternity dresses. I’m also getting a bit more energy so hopefully I get into my workouts more again. Thank you all! I’m so grateful for this app because you all understand the waves of emotions we go through. Here’s a photo of my little peanut!
awww, this makes it all worth it, right?
I feel super ugly, I don’t even want to take pictures anymore. I have bacne and feel like I’m gaining all over, not just the bump. I’m trying not to eat too much but all I crave is junk and I’m way too sleepy to workout. You’re not alone!
I just noticed some acne on my chest too 😩
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