Two Masturbating

Two Masturbating

by Melissa Matthews and Zachary Zane Published: Jun 16, 2021
Melissa Matthews is the Health Writer at Men's Health, covering the latest in food, nutrition, and health.
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For most people with a penis, masturbation is a fun and healthy activity. But for some people, it can be a huge problem.
Looking back on the pandemic, when social distancing and stay-at-home orders took IRL sex off the table, you might have started masturbating more than you ever have before. (What else was there to do?) While there are clear benefits to masturbation —you’re not going to get a sexually transmitted infection (STI) or accidentally impregnate your partner—you may now be wondering if you're in the habit of masturbating “too much.”
After all, excessive masturbation doesn’t have the best connotation. When we think of guys who masturbate every day, we think of pubescent boys hiding out in their locked rooms, attempting to break their daily “high record.” We don’t think of successful, grown men in loving relationships.
The truth, however, is there’s really no such “thing” as excessive masturbation. "Some people masturbate more than others," according to the International Society for Sexual Medicine . "There is no 'normal' frequency. Some do it daily, some weekly, and some rarely. Some never do." While 27 percent of 30-to-39-year-old men masturbate once a week to a few times a month, that number varies quite a bit by age, according to a 2009 survey of 2,500 American men.
“However often you masturbate, it’s not a problem until it starts affecting your life in negative ways,” says Dan Drake, MFT, LPCC, a certified sex addiction therapist and clinical counselor.
But that doesn't mean that it can't pose a problem, particularly if it interferes with your everyday life.
So when does a harmless masturbation habit turn into an issue? Here are the physical and psychological signs that you may need to give your boner a bit of a breather.
Some guys masturbate so often that they actually hurt themselves , says Tobias Köhler, M.D. , a urologist at Southern Illinois University. These injuries could be mild (e.g., skin chafing) or a more serious condition like Peyronie’s disease , or scar tissue buildup in the shaft of your penis that can result from using too much pressure while stroking, Köhler explains.
This may sound obvious, but if you’re masturbating so often that you're hurting yourself, you need to cut back, he warns.
If you can’t complete a work task because you can’t stop thinking about masturbating, that’s when it becomes an issue. If you’re consistently watching porn at work or are you’re late to a meeting because you were masturbating in the bathroom, then you likely have a problem.
Do you cancel on friends because you'd rather stay home and masturbate? Are they getting annoyed by your constant flakiness? Then your masturbation habits could potentially be an issue.
We want to be clear: There's nothing wrong with reserving a night to get down with yourself. That's all well and good, and in fact, feel free to mark that in the calendar now! The cause for concern is when your need to jerk off has a clear negative effect on your relationships.
Some guys who masturbate a lot use one specific type of stimuli—say, certain categories of porn coupled with specific hand movements. When it comes time for them to actually have sex, they find that they can’t recreate the same type of excitement, Dr. Köhler explains.
Basically, if you watch the same porn or use the same hand motions every time you masturbate, it teaches your brain and body to get off that way and that way alone. If you're having sex with a real-life partner, this could cause serious problems, both in terms of keeping it up and getting erect in the first place. “If that happens, you have a problem that needs to be addressed,” says Köhler.
You wake up wanting to masturbate. At lunch, your mind wanders to your favorite porn scene. Your commute home is almost unbearable, because you just want to sit on the couch with a beer and PornHub.
If any of this sounds familiar, and you often find yourself distracted by thoughts of when or how you’re going to yank it next, that’s a strong indication you have a problem, Drake says.
“There’s nothing unhealthy or problematic with masturbating,” Drake says. “But if it becomes detrimental to your life, then you need to treat it like you would any other harmful habit.” That means doing one of two things: a) cutting yourself off cold turkey, at least for the time being; and b) adopting more of a “harm reduction” approach by setting limits for yourself—for example, making a rule to only masturbate at night.
Considering you probably don't want to give up solo orgasms for the rest of your life—masturbation is, after all, an integral part of any healthy sex life—you'll probably want to opt for the latter approach. Set rules for yourself and see if you can adhere to them. If you can't, and you find yourself slipping back into harmful old habits, consider seeing a therapist, as there might be a deeper psychological issue at play.
Bottom line? Indulging in a little self-love every now and then is fine. It's only when it gets in the way of your actual life—or your actual sex life—that it becomes a problem. But if it’s not negatively interfering with anything, then go ahead and masturbate to your heart’s content!
Zachary Zane is a Brooklyn-based writer, speaker, and activist whose work focuses on lifestyle, sexuality, and culture. He was formerly the digital associate editor at OUT Magazine and currently has a queer cannabis column, Puff Puff YASS , at Civilized .
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Talk to your partner about what you want. Whenever you try new things with your partner, get warmed up by talking about it first. Not only is this a good way to make sure you’re both on the same page, but it can also get you both hot and bothered and ready to have some fun! [1]
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Be clear about what you want so that your partner knows what to expect and can let you know if they’re into it, too.
For example, you might say, "You’re so gorgeous, I’d love to watch you play with yourself. Would that be okay with you?" or "Can we try touching each other until we both come? I think that would be so hot."

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Get vulnerable by touching yourselves in front of each other. Mutual masturbation can mean either touching each other, or touching yourselves—together! There are few things as exciting and intimate as pleasuring yourself in front of your lover or watching them pleasure themselves. If you’re not quite ready to lend them a hand, try doing a solo act in front of them or watching them while they masturbate. [2]
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One awesome thing about going solo together is that it’s a great way for you to learn what feels good to your partner, and vice versa. Ask them to pay close attention to what you’re doing so they’ll know what to do next time they get handsy with you. Don’t forget to return the favor and keep a close eye on their technique as well! [3]
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To ramp up the excitement, turn it into a game. For example, you might challenge yourselves to see if you can both come at the same time.
If you’re too shy to jump right into putting on a show for each other, ease into it slowly. You could start by doing it with the lights off or under the covers until you’re both comfortable enough to be totally exposed. [4]
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Masturbate each other if you want to get more hands-on. If you feel like you’re both ready, then try touching your partner and letting them touch you. This is a great way for you to get to know each other’s bodies and learn what works for both of you while having some safe and intimate fun. [5]
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Take it slow and be gentle with your partner, especially while you’re still figuring each other out. Remember, you’re dealing with some very sensitive areas!
Even if you’re touching each other instead of yourselves, you can still take this as a mutual teaching and learning opportunity. For example, if your partner is giving you a hand job, you can put your own hand over theirs and guide their movements.

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Mix it up with some different positions. When you’re fooling around together, you don’t always have to do it the same way. Try different things to see what gets you going. For example, you could: [6]
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Lie down side by side, facing one another or on your backs. This is a good starting position, since it gives you the option to just gaze into each other’s eyes if you’re not ready to peek at what’s going on downstairs. You can either take care of yourselves or reach across to touch each other.
Straddle your partner while they lie on their back, and lower yourself down onto their belly or chest. Have fun riding them while you both get busy with yourselves. Or, switch places and try it with your partner on top.
Have your partner sit or lie down with their legs spread, then climb into their lap, facing away from them (or vice versa). Whoever is on top may need to shift their butt to one side so the person on the bottom can easily reach between their legs.
If you both like to watch (and show off), sit facing each other with your legs spread on a bed or couch. Then, the two of you can get off in full view of one another.

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Bring toys into the mix to add excitement. If you’ve been curious about trying sex toys, this is a great time to do it. Grab a wand vibrator, a dildo, a Fleshlight, or whatever else strikes your fancy. Use your favorite toy on yourself or show your partner how you like it so they can help you out—and then you can return the favor. [7]
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If you’re concerned about sexually transmitted infections (STIs), avoid swapping toys with your partner. [8]
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National Health Service (UK)
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If you really want to let them try one of your toys, clean and disinfect it according to the manufacturer’s directions, and wrap it up with a condom or other barrier before every use. [9]
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Do roleplay or live out a sexual fantasy for extra fun. Masturbating with a partner is already a lot of fun, but you can make it even more exciting by adding an element of fantasy. [10]
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Take turns talking about a scenario you’re both into, or even act it out. Just make sure to set boundaries ahead of time so you both know what you’re comfortable with. [11]
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For instance, maybe you’re into the idea of a threesome, but don’t want to actually go there. Talk it through with your partner while you touch yourselves or each other. Describe what you imagine might happen during your ideal encounter.
If you want extra help, watch a porno together. Pick one with a scenario you both like and get immersed in it while you have fun together.
Don’t be afraid to try a little dirty talk ! Saying naughty things to your partner can really get you both going. [12]
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Expert Source

Jacqueline Hellyer Licensed Psychosexual Therapist

Expert Interview. 15 October 2021.

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Communicate with your partner about what you’re feeling. [13]
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Expert Source

Jacqueline Hellyer Licensed Psychosexual Therapist

Expert Interview. 15 October 2021.

Whatever kind of sex you’re having, good communication is always key! Let your partner know whether you like what they’re doing, and don’t forget to check in and ask how they’re feeling. [14]
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If something feels really good, don’t hold back—not only will it help your partner learn what you like, but they’ll probably also be super turned on by your sexual pleasure.
For instance, when your partner is touching you, say things like "Mmm, that feels so good, keep going," or "Hey, can you slow down a little?"
Ask them things like, "Is this good?" or "Is it okay if I touch you here?"

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Wash your hands or use a barrier to keep it safe. Mutual masturbation is one of the safest forms of sex out there,
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