Twins Dominate Cardinals in Thrilling Game

TABLOID EXCLUSIVE: TWINS VS. CARDINALS – BASEBALL'S SHOCKING 'TWIN' SHOWDOWN TURNS INTO A REDBIRD ROAST!

St. Louis, MO – In a game that had fans clutching their rally towels, the Minnesota Twins swooped into Busch Stadium last night for a clash of the birds vs. the brothers—but what unfolded was nothing short of baseball brutality!

'TWIN TERROR' STRIKES!

The Twins, led by their mysterious 'Twin Power' (are they telepathic? Do they share a brain? MLB investigators are looking into it), absolutely demolished the Cardinals in a 9-3 thrashing that left St. Louis fans screaming for mercy!

Carlos Correa, the $300 million man, launched a MONSTER 3-run homer that nearly cleared the Gateway Arch, while Byron Buxton raced around the bases like a man possessed by the ghost of Usain Bolt!

CARDINALS CURSED?

Meanwhile, the Redbirds looked like they were playing with oven mitts! Paul Goldschmidt, the usually unstoppable slugger, struck out TWICE with the bases loaded, while Nolan Arenado made a rare error that had fans gasping—'Is this a Bizarro World game?!'

Even manager Oli Marmol was seen screaming into his hat after a botched pitching change led to a 5-run Twins explosion! One insider whispered: 'The dugout was like a funeral home… but with more sunflower seeds.'

THE SHOCKING AFTERMATH

As the Twins celebrated, rumors swirled that St. Louis is now considering an exorcism before their next game. Meanwhile, Minnesota fans are demanding the team change their name to 'The Triplets' because one set of twins clearly isn’t enough dominance!

NEXT UP: Can the Cardinals recover, or will the Twins continue their reign of terror? Stay tuned—because this feud is FAR from over!

🔥 HOT TAKE: The Twins didn’t just beat the Cardinals… THEY CLONED THEIR MISERY! 🔥

(Got a tip? A conspiracy theory? Contact us! This is TABLOID SPORTS—where the drama is always EXTRA!)

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