Twink College
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Twink College
Jack is a wise but mysterious figure whose exact whereabouts and identifying details remain unknown. What we do know is that he's really, really good at relationship challenges. He’s been on more dates than you can shake a stick at, and he’s here to help men from all walks of life step up their game.
I have a weird problem that I’m sure you will think is just is just ridiculous. To cut to the chase, I’m in my second year of college and living in the dorms. I also happen to be gay.
This year, the powers that be decided to pair me up with a ridiculously hot jock who I’m 99% sure is straight. I mean, he hasn’t come out and said it but that’s just the vibe I get off him.
All he ever talks about are the girls he’s banged. Well, that and sports. What else am I supposed to think?
But here is the weird thing. On three separate occasions, we’ve gotten into wrestling matches. Each time, he’s popped wood. The last time it happened, I could feel his stiffy through his sweats.
When I pointed this out to him, he looked at me and said, “You know you want to suck it.” When I joked back and told him I would, he replied, “Go for it!”
Well, I obviously haven’t done it (yet). It’s not like I don’t want to because I totally do. But I’m afraid it could get weird afterward. Any thoughts?
It sounds like you are in a situation that a lot of guys who visit this blog can relate to. Well, either relate to or fantasize about.
I can imagine this whole thing has been difficult for you. From the sound of it, your roommate is the stuff of “lick and yum” as some folks like to say around here.
So, in reading your post, my sense is you are really attracted to him. Moreover, your roomie also appears to be attracted to you.
We know this because he’s getting an erection while wrestling with you. Well, that and because the guy all but told you to service him.
It doesn’t get any more direct than “go for it”, does it?
I couldn’t tell you if your roomie is [closeted] gay, bi or simply curious . At the end of the day, it’s kind of a moot point because he’s obviously interested.
The essential question for you is, should I sleep with him?
Here’s the thing Jimmy, there’s no right or wrong answer. Much depends on this guy’s emotional makeup and mental maturity. The truth is things could go either way, meaning bad or good.
If you look around this website, you’ll find all sorts of stories about things going splendidly with curious men. But you’ll also read about guys who would never “feed of the seed” of a “straight” roommate.
What may be helpful is to fast-forward your mental tape and play things out. In other words, based on your own experiences of your roomie thus far, how do you think he’ll act afterward?
If you aren’t sure, that could be an indication that maybe, hooking up with him isn’t a smart move. On the other hand, if you feel he’ll be cool with it, then why not enjoy?
Here are a few other things to consider as part of the dynamic. One, if you do go down on him, will he take this as a green light for more activities in the future? Will things escalate?
Additionally, what are your expectations here? In other words, do you want him to reciprocate? If yes, what if that’s not something he’s willing to do? Are you OK with merely giving him bro-jobs at his beckon call?
Finally, is there a part of you who has feelings for him? I’m not saying you do. Instead, I’m merely asking. The reason is that sometimes, gay men end up falling for guys who are emotionally unavailable.
This happens when we start crushing on men who can’t provide us with what we need (if that makes sense).
For what it is worth, I had something similar happen to me when I was in college. The guy who lived down the hall from me started showing interest.
Like your roommate, I figured him as straight. Later, I would find out that he was closeted and that all of his trash talking about the women he had f—– was a bunch of BS.
In my case, I did end up messing around with him. But it only happened once. The reason?
He didn’t want to reflect back what I was doing to him (AKA oral). And to me, that was just a deal breaker. Call me old school but I just think it’s only fair to want that. Maybe I’m wrong – who knows?
Anyway, Jimmy, I encourage you to carefully consider hooking up with your jock bunkmate. Make sure you’ve thought it all out and play that mental tape I mentioned earlier.
If you do end up draining his main and things are cool in the days that follow, that’s totally awesome. Now you’ll have a built-in f-buddy for the school year.
That’s kind of nice on cold winter nights, right?
On the flip side, should you decide against getting with him, don’t question your convictions. Most of the time, your inner voice is going to be right.
Need some dating help? Email Jack, the Gay Dating Coach at: askus@mensvariety.com
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I Lost My Virginity to a Straight Boy
There’s a way to burst through the shame gay men are made to feel about homosexuality.
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I was 19 when I first had full-on sex with another man. I was at college, living in dorms, and the experience—aside from the usual horrifying awkwardness and somewhat spontaneity of the occasion—was completely and utterly unremarkable aside from one thing: the guy I slept with identified as straight.
The whole thing went down near the end of my freshman year at a party, at which people from the whole dorm floor were drunk and celebrating, carelessly streaming in and out of each other’s rooms, following the various different pop songs until one room took their fancy. I can remember, although I'd had some drinks, sitting alone in my friend’s room on a single bed, the mattress overly springy and with a coarse plastic coating, attempting to stream a song over our dorm’s spotty Internet connection.
It was late (or early, depending on your outlook on the world) when I was joined by the boy who was living in the room next to mine, way back on the other side of the building. He was clearly intoxicated, but it was a party after all and who was I, quite drunk myself, to judge. The minutiae of exactly how things developed from us being together in that room to us having slightly unsuccessful sex in a bathroom in a different corridor have since escaped me. All I know is that one moment we were talking and the next minute, well... we weren’t. I didn’t tell him that I’d never had sex with someone before; instead, saturated with vodka and inflated by nerves, I was swept up in the motions.
Before that night, I had hardly been a nun. When I was a teenager, I was precocious and restless. As the only out young gay kid at my school, I took the advancement of my sexual experiences into my own hands and I did what we all do: I bought a fake ID and hit the gay clubs. Out on the scene I had thrilling and, now looking back, precarious hook ups with guys, going far but never all the way. I know now as LGBTQ people we can define exactly what constitutes sex for ourselves, but when you’re young and your only sex education comes in the shape of illegally downloaded Sean Cody videos, penetration seems like the end all be all.
Still, as I grew into my late-teens, venues started to crack down harder on underage drinking, and it soon became increasingly difficult to go and hook up with guys much older than myself. I felt, in my increasingly anxious and deflated state, that I was being left behind. My first year at college, apart from being grueling mentally, was hardly a sexual smorgasbord of one-night-stands and hook-ups. Instead, I reverted to my teenage years, pining after straight boys who I knew I had no chance in hell with... until that night.
I’d love to say that I felt empowered by fucking my first guy, but the whole experience left a lot to be desired. While I knew it wouldn’t be like a gay college erotica I’d read on Nifty.org (gay canon, really), I rather naively wasn’t expecting the fall out. The boy told his then-girlfriend (who I knew about), saying I had come on to him but that nothing had really happened. Although one thing I can vividly remember was that it was quite literally the other way around, the visceral shock of being somewhat shoved back in the closet and denied the celebratory expungement of my virginity was palpable.
For the next year, we’d hook-up on and off, usually at 3 a.m. after we’d been out partying. We’d meet surreptitiously in dark and make out in the cold British weather on a park bench before venturing back to his place to have sex. And while at the beginning I felt like I had the upper hand in the situation—I was the one who was out and comfortable in my sexuality, right?—after each time we met became more secretive and more dirty, I began to feel secretive, dirty, and most of all shameful . I’m not sure whether I really fell for the guy or not, but I do know that at the end of it he was just using me to get off.
I never learned whether the boy I lost my virginity to was struggling with his sexuality. I think, when I look back now and occasionally find myself tumbling through his Facebook page, that he wasn’t. I believe it was just sex, or at least that’s what I have tell myself now to avoid slipping into a memory induced k-hole. I realize I fell into that old gay adage of placing my feelings on a person who, for whatever reason, was never going to invest them back in me. Worst of all, though, the shame attached to the memories of those first times marred how I would approach sex for years.
It was listening to Years & Years’ new song “Sanctify,” and seeing the band’s out gay singer Olly Alexander talk about how the song was inspired his sexual trysts with straight men, that I realized that these feelings are way more common than people let on. Sure, I know all about gay guys having sex with straight guys, but it felt reassuring to see him describe the “saint and sinner role” he embodied during those experiences, and to hear the uncertainty and melancholy weaved into the song.
More than anything though, was the repeated lyrical mantra of “I won’t be ashamed.” Because as queer people, we’re buried in lifetime’s worth of shame so vivid and searing that oftentimes it’s crippling. Bursting through that shame is our badge of honor, our beautifully united experience. And maybe, like the song says, that does sanctify our sex lives and makes us just a little bit holy.
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I am currently a freshman in college. I share my room with one other guy. He often goes home for the weekends which is when I go completely nude while he’s gone. I am also a full time freeballer. During the time he is in the room with me (which is a lot) I hate the fact that I have to cover up. I also understand it might make him uncomfortable. So recently I asked him if he’d be cool if I went nude while he was around. He said he was ok with me being in my underwear. I was kinda bummed out and I’m hoping that one day I can have my own place to chill I’m fhe nude.
How do you handle sleeping.
Does he know you are a full time freeballer? If so the underwear comment was a little strange.
Again if he knows you are a full time freeballer, could he have actually been giving you the OK to be nude without saying it directly?
Yes, when you see how common communal nudity use to be in these photos:
http://www.frank-answers.com/frank-answ ... ming-naked
you have to wonder why it can't be like that now.
A great tradition disappeared during the gymnophobic 1980s.
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