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I am Justin 22 years old. I have an identical twin brother named Jasper. We are the twinliest twins ever. We share the same apartment. We dress up like each other all the time. We also share a bed. There was this one time when we came home from college and were about to go to sleep. We wore the same clothes to sleep, t-shirt and brief. We couldn't sleep so we watched TV before sleeping. We were telling stories until we looked each other in the eye then started kissing. We had sex. After that we were worried because we had girlfriends. And we do not know what to do about it now. We are in love with each other but also with our girlfriends. He said he's not mad at me for doing it but I just feel so guilty about cheating on my girlfriend with my brother
Cheating on her with anyone sucks. I see two options. I'm not a therapist, doctor, or qualified in any way, this is all my own thought. One, you could tell your girlfriend that you'd like to have a non-monogamous relationship. This would mean she gets to have sex with other people too, if she wants. You wouldn't need to be upfront about who you want to have sex with though it might help her decision-making to say that it's a man and not a woman. For some people, that feels like less risk of "emotional replacement", as whatever else happens, she can never be a man. But she might alternatively think that it's more of a "health risk". It would be her choice. Two, you could be monogamous with her and not have sex with your brother, or anyone else, again. It's fine to be in love with people without making it sexual. You might then need to stop sharing a bed if you needed to decrease that temptation or take further steps if you needed to. Whichever option you pick, it'd be good to talk to your brother about what you're doing and why. He has the same choice to make with his girlfriend too. You'll need to support each other with whatever decision you all make.
“ We think too much and feel too little. More than machinery, we need humanity. More than cleverness, we need kindness and gentleness. ” Charlie Chaplain in The Great Dictator
I did ask for a non-monogamous relationship. My girlfriend is so sensitive and was like "If you do this, I would break up with you". And for my brother, he was dumped by his girlfriend making him SINGLE. Should I choose my girlfriend or my brother? One more thing, its hard for us to have two beds because we have financial problems and the reason why we can go to college is because of our scholarship. That means the most affordable apartment we can get has only one bed. We have also got used to doing the same things together so it would be very hard to adjust especially since we were doing it since we were 7.
Last edited by rvss18 on Wed Jul 18, 2012 11:32 am, edited 1 time in total.
How could anyone answer that question except you?
“ We think too much and feel too little. More than machinery, we need humanity. More than cleverness, we need kindness and gentleness. ” Charlie Chaplain in The Great Dictator
I can now say that my brother is who I love. We flirt with each other all the time, even more than we flirt with our girlfriends. We have kissed each other (during the sex mentioned earlier) before we kissed our girlfriends. So I'm pretty sure now. We would keep doing what we always do.
Do you see yourself as having a wife one day? If that's a goal of yours, a girlfriend is a prerequisite. Could your current girlfriend be The One? Is your apartment physically so small that you can only fit in one single bed? There are alternatives, if you wanted to pursue that path. Airbeds are inexpensive, or hammocks, or a sofa bed in the lounge? Have you talked to your brother about it? Does he want it to happen again? Does he have a view on the "girlfriend vs. brother" question? And, I am influenced by my morality, which says adult consensual sibling sex is fine, but cheating is wrong. Is that your own view too? Or are both wrong for you or cheating fine but sex wrong?
“ We think too much and feel too little. More than machinery, we need humanity. More than cleverness, we need kindness and gentleness. ” Charlie Chaplain in The Great Dictator
I have always had love for my brother. But since that sex event, I lost the picture of me getting married to my girl. Like I said, the apartment is too small. The bedroom only has space for a tv, bed, dresser and lamp. We do not even have a living room. I don't even see this as cheating anymore because we just looked each other in the eye and just did it, I didn't plan this!
You have the chance to plan now, and you're thinking it all through, so, for me, that's clearly over the cheating line if in the future you have sex with two people without one of them knowing about the other. And your apartment won't always be small. Though it's up to you if you always share it with your brother.
“ We think too much and feel too little. More than machinery, we need humanity. More than cleverness, we need kindness and gentleness. ” Charlie Chaplain in The Great Dictator
Thanks Ada! I really appreciate the help. I can live happily with my brother now
If this is true you have no one to answer to except yourselves. Even though you have girlfriends they come and go but the love of a brother whether platonic or sexual will last till you both die. Enjoy it and enjoy your lives with others also. Never pass up the opportunity for happiness because of what others would think!!!
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A safe space for GSRM (Gender, Sexual, and Romantic Minority) folk to discuss their lives, issues, interests, and passions. LGBT is still a popular term used to discuss gender and sexual minorities, but all GSRM are welcome beyond lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender people who consent to participate in a safe space.
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okay so im not really familiar with reddit so im not sure where this post goes but, i am having a weird time lately.
okay so basically i'll start like this, I'm 18 and straight, and my little brother 12 years old turning 13 soon has been very close to me for a long time, we do everything together, go swimming, ride bikes, play ball, you name it. i've cried with him, laughed, greived, everything. he's my best friend all in all. he's not shy at all, when we do activities like swimming, so hes super comfortable at least around me, and he will just get naked and change and not give it a second thought. i do the same usually.
i feel like he looks up to me alot for guidance and protection and stuff. we share a room and sometimes he wants to share my bed. he says its "more comfortable" this isn't anything new so once again i have not thought anything of it.
for the past month he's been waking me up with his constant moving while he sleeps, i'm a very deep sleeper. I also thought nothing of this. sometimes ill move to his bed for the rest of the night to get some rest and away from his fidgeting, anyways a couple nights in a row i would wake up a couple times a night and i would be super horny, with my brother sleeping close to me. 2 nights ago it happened again and i had trouble getting back to sleep. So im laying there for like 20 mins and i feel my brothers hand crawl across my body towards my "package" i was almost sleeping so i just kept laying there. he waited for a little bit and then started to feel around some more, fully grabbing my junk. i felt super awkward so i stretched and moved like i was waking up. he quickly retracted his hand and acted like he was sleeping. so i did the same. the same thing happened, a little bit of time went by and he started to reach for another feel. i did the same thing as last time, except this time i acted like i fully came out of my sleep and started looking around the room. he played like he was sleeping again, but i could tell he wasn't, i just moved to his bed and let him think that i was unaware.
so i have came to the conclusion that my brother is taking advantage of my deep sleep, and feeling my body while im not aware. i figure this is why he always wants to sleep together, but he's been sleeping with me since he was like 6, thats why it didnt feel like anything was odd.
im just super uncomfortable about it and i dont want to confront him or embarrass him if he's gay or whatever, because my relationship with him means everything to me. but if i dont do anything he will just continue.
i don't know what to do, and i need advice.
I think you need to talk to him about it. I think you need to talk to him about consent. Because you might shrug this off. Someone else might not (A buddy from class whom he goes on a sleep over with). More over, he can get you in trouble. I'm not sure what the age of majority is in your country but even if you're only on the receiving end of the attention, it could qualify as statutory rape. I don't think ether of you want that.
He's not necessarily gay but he's certainly "curious" but he doesn't get to check you out because of the available circumstances. He's got to pursue the sexual expression like everyone else. Find a willing partner who wants to consent.
I think patonic cuddling between family members is fine. (Even friends for that matter). I think you can make new rules about a cuddle before bed but then shoo him off to bed before falling asleep.
You can re-enforce your views that you're okay with him being gay and that it won't change your relationship with him without waiting for him to come out.
Yes, there's some uncomfortable conversation. Sometimes uncomfortable conversations are necessary.
"Dude, we need to talk. I don't want to embarass you but you've been crossing the line when we're a sleep. I'm not mad at you. You're young and curious but there's a number of reasons why it's not okay for you to be doing that and we should talk about them. First off, what you're doing can get me in trouble. I mean legally. I could go to jail for what you're doing. A judge isn't going to see what your doing as being your fault. I can't let you continue now that I know.
"Secondly, what you're doing is wrong because you aren't getting consent.
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