Turtle Cums On Camera
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Turtle Cums On Camera
Humans didn’t invent masturbation. We get the urge because our ancestors did too, even back to the earliest mammals and reptiles. It’s likely that as soon as animals evolved brain circuitry that made stimulating sexual organs rewarding , individuals started taking the opportunity to reward themselves.
The diversity of animals that have been caught taking a bit of alone time goes far, far beyond dogs humping legs. Here’s a sample.
It should be no surprise to anyone that our primate cousins are champion masturbators. They have hands, after all. The art of self-pleasure has been observed in males from about 80 species from ape to monkey to lemur, making it one of the most common and widespread primate sexual behaviors. Females from at least 50 species also get into the act, and they can get creative: for example, female orangutans and capuchin monkeys have both been observed using sticks and other plant parts as makeshift dildos.
They don’t have hands, but male and female cetaceans–at least in the smaller species–manage to masturbate anyway, mostly by rubbing their genitals on things. The sea floor, the walls of tanks (if they’re in captivity), other animals, any firm objects they find in their environment : it’s all fair game, though the male bottlenose who reportedly wrapped a live eel around his penis seems particularly inventive .
Masturbation’s been seen in bottlenose and spinner dolphins, killer whales, and two types of river dolphin. No one knows whether the bigger whales masturbate, or what it’d look like if they did.
A male Asian elephant has a long, hefty penis that he can move around with a set of enlarged muscles at its base. That lets him navigate it into a female’s vagina, or masturbate by repeatedly striking his erect penis against his belly. Elephants are most interested in beating themselves when they’re in the early stages of musth, the season of peak testosterone that leaves them aggressive, dribbling urine, and irresistibly sexy to female elephants. It doesn’t last forever: they lose interest as the musth goes on.
What is it with the big blubbery handless animals? Male walruses will rub their front flippers over the shaft of their alarmingly large penis. Or they’ll auto-fellate, because it’s just that big.
Rodents jack off, too. During the breeding season, both male and female porcupines rub sticks against their genitals. Male Cape ground squirrels masturbate at any time of the year, but dominant males do it most often, paradoxically, right after they’ve copulated. University of Manitoba biologist Jane Waterman, who first quantified this behavior, suggests that because the males and females have many mates over the breeding period, jerking off immediately after sex might keep males from picking up and spreading sexually transmitted infections.
Young male vampire bats and male fruit bats (as in this video) have both been seen pleasuring themselves with their tongues. Typically, an animal will groom and lick his penis, sometimes achieving orgasm. Since they rest hanging upside down by their feet, that can get a bit messy.
Male lizards have a doubled phallus (their hemipenes ) which goes far beyond the fancy glans we see in some marsupials: each one has its own sperm channel, and the animals can use them independently–swapping sides each time they copulate. Many species also rub their hemipenes against the ground regularly, sometimes daily when it’s the breeding season.
These rounds of rubbing may have a purpose — one study of the behavior suggested that pulling off the top layer of hemipenis skin may help remove any bacteria and parasites the male picked up during copulation, or keep the intricate skin frills on the surface of the hemipenes well groomed.
For marine iguanas, masturbation can serve a much more direct reproductive role. All males, large and small, will try their luck at mating. But large males are territorial, and ruthless about shoving small males off of females mid-copulation long before they ejaculate. For the small males, masturbation is a strategy: they finish off on the rocks, ejaculate into their cloacal folds, and store the semen so it’s ready to push inside a female first thing the next time they get a chance to mate. The trick improves their fertilization success by 41%, and passes the behavior to the next generation.
Male turtles start masturbating as soon as they’re sexually mature, pushing their terrifyingly large and ornate organs against hard objects, sometimes squeaking with what sounds like delight. Or maybe they’re confused and think that rocks and porch steps are unusually unresponsive female turtles.
It’s the breeding season, you’re a young male Adélie penguin, and you haven’t been able to find a willing mate? No problem: the bare rock of the rookery will do.
The auto-erotic behavior of Adélie penguins was first observed by G. Murray Levick in 1911 during the Scott Antarctic expedition:
Sometimes we saw these birds, after walking some distance, apparently in the vain search for hens, stand motionless and rigid upon the ground, then stiffening themselves, assume the attitude and go through the motions characteristic of the sexual act, in some cases actually ejecting their semen on to the ground.
He found the behavior (along with the necrophilia, sexual coercion, and chick abuse he observed) so shocking that he simply left it out of his seminal monograph on the species. He wrote up his observations on the sexual habits of the “hooligan cocks” separately, in Greek so that no one other than professional ornithologists would be tainted by the knowledge. The unpublished description was only rediscovered a few years ago.
Top image (primate) by Kevin Botto via Flickr | CC BY-ND 2.0 ; Gibbon by Linda Tanner via Flickr | CC BY 2.0 ; Beluga whales by Brian Gratwicke via Flickr | CC BY 2.0 ; Asian Elephant by Adhi Rachdian via Flickr | CC BY 2.0 ;North American porcupine by Gary Eslinger/USFWS via Flickr | CC BY 2.0 ; Marine iguana by Lieutenant Elizabeth Crapo, NOAA Corps via Flickr | CC BY 2.0 ; Adélie penguin by Liam Quinn via Flickr | CC BY-SA 2.0
Contact the author at diane@io9.com .
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FALLING IN LOVE WITH INANIMATE OBJECTS
After a Malaysian boy got his todger stuck in a drainpipe, The Sun decided to look back at other sticky situations blokes have got themselves in
THE horny Malaysian teen who got his penis stuck in a sewage pipe is not the first to be caught with his pants round his ankles in a VERY compromising position.
The 16-year-old lad had to be freed with a circular saw after romping with a waist-high toilet pipe at his home in Johor, Malaysia.
After suffering swollen genitals and a bruised ego, the youngster joins a long line of unfortunate fellas who came a cropper trying to get their kicks in peculiar ways.
So in honour of the randy young lad we have compiled a list of the best examples of men being caught getting frisky with weird and wacky objects.
The weirdo apparently slashed the bike's tyres before masturbating while they deflated.
Police in Osterlund believed he may have even had links to similar string of crimes dating back to 2007.
One bike owner, Per Edstrom, who caught the crime on CCTV said: "I am not scared of him, just irritated over all the punctures I have had to fix.
“This man is probably completely harmless – bicycles are just his thing."
One randy motorist in Newcastle, Australia, was nabbed by cops as he was driving down the motorway with his penis in a PASTA JAR.
Police in the Aussie city thought Keith Roy Weatherley, 46, had a weapon in his hand when they pulled him over but the truth was far more shocking... and disgusting.
The frisky fella was found with a 750mm pasta jar around his penis and reportedly continued to masturbate as he re-fusilli-ed arrest.
Officers also found pornography, a homemade sex aid, women's stockings and a Jack russell terrier.
This electrician decided to do some unique plumbing of his own.
The oddball dressed in bathrobe, jeans and trainers was caught thrusting his junk into the drain cover at 11am as passers by looked on confused.
Police in Romford, Essex, issued an arrest warrant when he failed to show for his hearing.
Some 24 years earlier Karl Watkins was charged with a similar crime - as seen on The Sun's front page with the headline: "The man who made love to pavements."
One oddball in Wiltshire was arrested for allegedly having sex with a lamp-post.
Police in the town of Westbury arrested the deviant in February 2008. He was released on bail but recalled after further interviews with witnesses.
Police had to be called in 2008 when reports of a man having sex with a garden table were submitted to them.
A neighbour reported that Art Price Jr, from Ohio in the US, lifted a round metal table and proceeded to perform a sex act on it, in broad daylight.
Price Jr was arrested and faced charges for public indecency.
Police Captain Matt Johnson said at the time: “He was completely nude. He would use the hole from the umbrella and have sex with the table.”
This American took the furniture theme even further by having sex with a sofa.
The hotel worker was caught by an off-duty cop having his way with the couch on the side of the road at 11pm.
The crime earned Streator a charge of lewd and lascivious behaviour in Waukesha, Wisconsin.
Calum Ward was seen making love to an ambulance after he had set fire to a packet of peanuts.
Devon police collared the lad after he was seen performing the odd nut stunt in a telephone box.
The 25-year-old was said to be in 'relatively high spirits' and according to the prosecuting counsel, police at the time said: "He looked as though he was attempting to make love to the front of an ambulance."
Ward was sentenced to a community order after admitting taking drink and drugs before seeing the error of his ways.
Last year a man in Kansas, US, was tasered by police when he refused to stop having sex with a car exhaust.
Ryan Malek, 24, pleaded guilty to "lewd and lascivious behaviour" in the car park of an apartment building.
When police arrived at scene they found Malek trying to put his penis into the car exhaust.
To make matters worse, he was seen by six witnesses, but only ended up with a $200 fine.
Taking an inflatable raft out of the water generally makes it useless.
But not for Ohio man Edwin Charles Tobergta, who was jailed in 2013 for having sex with a lilo - in broad daylight.
To make matters worse, it wasn't the first or even second time he'd been arrested for his bizarre blow-up fetish.
In 2011 he was nicked for bonking a pink swimming pool raft, and way back in 2002 he romped with an inflatable PUMPKIN from his neighbour's Halloween display.
A Polish builder was caught out after being caught red-handed with a Henry the hoover.
The stunned site security guard was supposed to be locking the site when he discovered the man with his pipe stuck in the, er, pipe.
Shocked and appalled by the man's actions the guard demanded the man 'clean himself and the hoover'.
Once questioned by his bosses, the bloke reportedly told his bosses it was a common practice in Poland.
THE term objectum sexuality was invented 30 years ago by a woman who married the Berlin Wall.
Eija-Riitta Berliner-Mauer, whose surname translates as Berlin Wall, married the concrete structure in 1979.
She and fellow objectophile, Erika Eiffel, who married the Eiffel Tower, founded the OS Internationale support network and educational site.
The site states: "We love objects on a very significant level and many of us, in an intimate way.
"Objectum sexual love comes for most in a similar awakening as other sexualities at the start of puberty.
"This is often followed by an acute awareness that we do not relate to peers due to the source of projected feelings.
"Often objectum sexual people feel outcast or pressured by mainstream sexuality with a helpless feeling that we cannot change what comes naturally to us."
In 2010, clincial sexologist Dr Amy Marsh published out what is thought to be the first study into OS, in the Internet Journal of Human Sexuality .
After speaking to 21 people who claim to be objectum sexual, Dr Marsh spoke on US television revealing she supported OS as a legitimate sexual orientation.
Dr Marsh said: "The most striking feature of this research was the discovery of the array of emotions and depth of connection that OS people feel for their objects.
"OS appears to be a genuine, though rare, sexual orientation.
"The emotions and experiences reported by OS people correspond to general definitions of sexual orientation."
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Mama, why we come here the same time evah week?
Trying to hold the contents of her stomach. Nothing to see.
I enjoyed your video. I found it educational
im suprised at the kid being able to go on the sling shot. The kid is the best part. "Can I Cuss"
Orgasm I think she jipped the turtle
Holy hell, wtf was that cameraman holding onto????
stop talking to mommy while she's cumming
Yea.....she came. I bet it was that white creamy shit too. White chicks squirt like sprinklers and black chicks drop that thick creamy discharge. I love both equally. Hehehe, biology.
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