Turning Lesbians Straight

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Can a Straight Woman Really Become a Lesbian Later in Life? The Truth About Sexual Fluidity
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In recent years, celebrities like Amber Heard and Cynthia Nixon have made headlines for dating or marrying women after spending years in heterosexual relationships. These Hollywood stars may have helped make it more socially acceptable—or perhaps even fashionable—to “switch sides” well into adulthood. Turns out the phenomenon has been going on for quite some time.
Research presented this week at the North American Menopause Society’s annual meeting in Philadelphia reveals that sexual fluidity throughout age is a real thing, and that it occurs in women much more than it does in men. Women should know they’re not alone if they begin to feel same-sex attractions later in life, say the presenters at the conference—and doctors shouldn’t assume that a woman will have partners of the same gender her entire life.
“We’re not talking about bisexuality, when someone says they are attracted to both genders at any given time,” says Sheryl Kingsberg, PhD, division chief of ob-gyn behavioral medicine at University Hospitals Cleveland Medical Center and past president of NAMS, which moderated the discussion on lesbian health.
“Aside from orientation, there’s also the concept of sexual fluidity—that women can, at one point, be completely in love with a man and then at another point be completely in love with a women,” Kingsberg tells Health. “And that can change once or that can change several times throughout her life.”
The conference focused specifically on women who make these transitions at midlife or later. “We know of a number of women who have been in perfectly happy marriages with men, they raised a family, and at some point—in their 40s or so—they find themselves unexpectedly falling in love with a woman, without ever having thought that was possible,” says Kingsberg.
It’s not that these women have been closeted lesbians their whole life, Kingsberg insists, or have been in denial about their true feelings. “These are women who were perfectly happy with men and are suddenly seeing and feeling things differently,” she says.
Kingsberg says there’s some evidence that choosing a female partner later in life may be a form of evolutionary adaptation. Once a woman reaches menopause and can no longer have children, having a male sexual partner is no longer as biologically important. “There’s also a theory that if you lose your mate, it’s safer for your children to be raised by two women than it is by a woman and a second male,” she adds.
Lisa Diamond, PhD, professor of developmental and healthy psychology at the University of Utah, says that sexual fluidity may also be due to “a complicated dynamic between hormonal changes, physical experiences, and certainly sexual desires,” according to the Daily Mail.
Diamond has been studying sexual fluidity for nearly two decades and presented her research during the session. In a 2008 study, for example, she followed 79 lesbian, bisexual, or "unlabeled" women for 10 years, and found that two-thirds of them changed which label they identified with at least once during that time.
While research about late-in-life lesbians isn’t new, Kingsberg says it’s increasingly important to let the public—and the medical community—know about it. As same-sex marriages have become legal and relationships less taboo, she says, more women may feel comfortable taking this step who may not have been years ago.
In a press release, Diamond said that health-care providers “need to recognize this new reality” and incorporate it into their practices. “We see a lot on the topic of sexual fluidity in the media, but it seems as if little of this information has trickled down into clinical practice,” she added.
Kingsberg agrees. “I am hoping that this message goes out to patients who happen to be in menopause, that they should pay attention to what’s going on with their sexuality—and not feel like they’re alone or that they’re an outlier,” she says. “If they discover, heading toward midlife, that they have shifted their love interest and are falling in love with a woman, they should know that it’s not unusual.”
She wants to speak directly to primary-care doctors and ob-gyns, as well. “Don’t be so presumptive that the woman you’ve been caring for for 20 years is automatically always going to have the same partner or the same gender of partner,” she says. Doctors should ask open-ended questions about their patients’ sexual activity, she says, so women feel comfortable voicing concerns and questions.
“I like to ask patients, ‘What sexual concerns are you having?’ and ‘Are you currently sexually active with men, women, or both?’” says Kingsberg. “That opens the door for someone who’s maybe been married for 20 years but is now divorced to come out and say that her partner is now female, which she may be embarrassed to do otherwise.”
Coming out to anyone—especially a doctor who’s known you intimately for years—can be difficult, says Kingsberg. But it’s important to making sure you’re getting the best care for your specific situation and at every stage of your life.
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Can a Straight Woman Really Become a Lesbian Later in Life? The Truth About Sexual Fluidity
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By Jackie Clune for MailOnline 22:39 BST 25 Jun 2010 , updated 00:14 BST 26 Jun 2010
Looking at my four children racing around the garden with their father, it seems almost impossible to believe that only a few years ago I never imagined having a family.
Or rather, when I did stop to think of myself as becoming a mother, I imagined the only way I'd do so would be through an anonymous sperm donor.
Today, with five-year-old triplets, Thady, Frank and Orla, and a seven-year-old daughter, Saoirse, a husband and a home in a leafy London suburb, I could be viewed as the archehtypal wife and mother, even if - as a stand-up comedian and actress - I don't have a conventional career.
But through my 20s and 30s, I cut a very different figure altogether: I was a lesbian.
So, what turns a woman like me straight? Did I simply cave in to conventionality later in life? Was my biological clock too deafening to ignore the desire for a child? Do some women simply play at lesbianism because it appears cool?
Or are some gay women much more flexible about who they fall in love with? These were certainly the questions on many people's lips this week, when it was revealed that Cabinet Minister Chris Huhne's mistress, Carina Trimingham, had dropped her female partner of a number of years in favour of a man.
For some, this fact was more shocking than the betrayal of Huhne's wife, which is a familiar enough yarn in the world of politics.
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Of course, I can't speak for another woman, but I do arrive at this story with baggage - of a very personal nature. For 12 years, between the ages of 22 and 34, I was in several long-term lesbian relationships.
From 1988 until 2000 I lived in lesbian households, drank in lesbian pubs, went on gay rights marches and viewed my long-term future as being exclusively with women.
In fact, I was convinced that - having made what seemed at the time as a very certain leap into lesbianism - I would never again have cause to go out with a man.
Of course, that's not how I saw my life panning out when I was a child. I was brought up in Essex by very traditional Irish Catholic parents and attended a Catholic comprehensive school. As a young girl, perhaps as a result of my family background and education, there was no question I'd ever be anything other than heterosexual. It never occurred to me that there was anything else to be.
The only time I ever heard the word 'lesbian' was as a term of abuse towards tennis ace Martina Navratilova, and it certainly never occurred to me to desire anther woman.
I fell in love at 17 with Tim, a hugely attractive pupil at the local grammar school. It was a very intense relationship and I believed I would be with him for ever. We talked about getting married and having children. We carried on dating even when we went to separate universities - he to Cambridge and I to Kent.
Tim was incredibly bright and extremely good looking. He was my first love and we had a passionate physical relationship.
But as I reached 22 I realised that the people I liked best were all women and in truth always had been, if only on a friendship basis.
I had studied feminist literature at university and it opened my eyes to the possibility of sexuality as a life choice.
I am convinced that while men are usually entirely driven by sex when it comes to choosing a mate, women are often attracted more by the emotional side of the relationship and I was excited by the close bond a relationship with another female could bring.
I realise that many gay people will think it sounds absurd that I 'chose' lesbianism. For them, their sexuality is so innate and undeniable that the issue of 'choice' doesn't come into it.
But perhaps that's not the case for all women. For I can honestly say that I never felt the need to 'come out' as gay or straight - I simply decided to fall in love with women.
My first sexual experience was with a lesbian woman called Gwen. It was an incredibly intense relationship. Within weeks, she went from being a very good friend to someone I wanted to spend all my time with. She was a committed lesbian. Perhaps had she not been, nothing would have happened. But when she made the first move, it seemed totally right.
It's not that I stopped liking men, just that I felt a relationship with a woman would be a richer experience. After all, given the choice I would choose a woman over a man for a really great chat, an inspiring conversation or to share emotional problems with. A physical relationship with a woman seemed a logical progression.
Perhaps the best analogy is that I had come to see men in terms of 'black and white' whereas I saw women in colour. So I dumped my lovely boyfriend of five years. I didn't tell him the truth at first but when I finally admitted that I had fallen for another woman, he was relieved. It seemed to take away the jealousy.
My close friends knew immediately - but I shied away from telling my family for several years. I knew that, as Irish Ca
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