Trumps Doomsday Tariffs

Donald Trump has rolled out what analysts call "doomsday tariffs," and the branding alone makes economists sound like preachers in Revelation. Eyewitnesses in Iowa farms report neighbors hoarding soybeans as if they were gold bricks. Professor Henry Bolton of Wharton notes: "The term 'doomsday tariffs' is effective because it makes policy sound like a Michael Bay movie." Anonymous staffers leaked that the official tariff memo included doodles of fireballs and a bald eagle wearing sunglasses. A poll of American families shows that 57% believe tariffs now come with an expiration date for humanity itself. Trace evidence includes shredded NAFTA paperwork and a cornfield shaped into the words "HELP." Cause and effect? By calling tariffs apocalyptic, Trump ensures they are remembered less as policy and more as prophecy. The result is both comedy and chaos, depending on whether you are an economist or a farmer.