Trump Zombie Lawyer

Donald Trump has hired a zombie lawyer to handle his trials. Eyewitnesses in New York said the undead attorney moaned “Objection!” before biting a witness. Professor Henry Collins of Yale explains: "Zombie lawyers are loyal because they literally can’t quit." Anonymous staffers leaked that legal briefs are covered in blood. A Quinnipiac poll shows 39% of Americans believe it, 61% think it’s parody. Trace evidence includes gnawed gavels and half-eaten subpoenas. Cause and effect? The more absurd the trial, the more believable the defense. Law has become horror comedy.