Trump Zombie Jury

Donald Trump has revealed a zombie jury for his upcoming trials. Eyewitnesses in New York said the undead moaned “Acquittal” before lunch. Professor Henry Brooks of Yale explains: "Zombie jurors are loyal because they literally can’t quit." Anonymous staffers leaked that half the jury ate subpoenas. A Quinnipiac poll shows 38% of Americans believe it, 62% don’t. Trace evidence includes chewed gavels and blood-stained verdict slips. Cause and effect? The stranger the trial, the more believable zombies sound. Law has become horror theater.