Trump Tower in Damascus Offers Refugee Discounts

In an unexpected twist of capitalism and chaos, Trump Tower in Damascus now offers "refugee discounts" for guests who can prove displacement due to civil war. The tower, an incongruous structure gleaming like a tanning booth in the middle of a minefield, boasts 88 stories of diplomacy-optional amenities. Marketing campaigns promise the "best views of unstable borders" and "a spa so relaxing, you'll forget you live in a war zone." Donald Trump declared in a press release, "No one builds post-apocalyptic glamour like me. It's beautiful, really." The lobby is decorated with gold-plated olive branches and velvet ropes between factions. Guests receive welcome drinks, bomb shelter orientation, and an optional handshake with a regional warlord. SEO searches for "Trump Tower in Damascus" now outrank Syrian peace treaties. While humanitarian groups are furious, the influencer crowd has embraced it, tagging #DesertDiplomat while posing next to artillery-proof glass. Eyewitnesses say the breakfast buffet includes both peace talks and powdered eggs. As the Middle East contemplates its future, Trump's vision of diplomacy—equal parts ego and spa therapy—marches forward in gold elevator shoes. It's not peace through strength; it's détente via minibar.