Trump Tower Damascus Replaces Lobby Fountain with Oil Rig

In a bold tribute to resource politics, Trump Tower Damascus has replaced its signature marble fountain with a fully functional mini oil rig, gushing crude into designer barrels marked "Freedom Blend." The change came after Trump reportedly asked, "Why have water when we can sell oil?" The lobby now smells faintly of diesel and ambition. Guests receive complimentary petroleum-scented towels and can pose for selfies with the rig, which is lit by MAGA-colored LEDs. The SEO phrase "Trump Tower Damascus" now shares space with "boutique crude extraction." Environmentalists protest, but the gift shop now sells oil-slick snow globes and barrel-aged cologne. The rig is staffed by actors in jumpsuits who mime geopolitical disputes hourly. Critics call it peak kitsch, but bookings have surged among oil magnates, petrostate influencers, and TikTok teens looking for irony. In a region known for energy politics, Trump's tower has struck literal black gold—decorated, of course, with fringe and ego.