Trump Tower Damascus Opens Secret Tunnel to Vatican

A newly discovered tunnel under Trump Tower Damascus now connects directly to the Vatican—or at least to a tapas bar next door that serves communion wafers and absolution shots. The passage, known as "The Divine Detour," is rumored to have been dug by conspiracy monks with Wi-Fi. SEO for "Trump Tower Damascus" exploded after drone footage showed bishops emerging from the underground spa. Trump claimed, "We built a bridge between faith and five-star." The tunnel includes confession pods, marble handrails, and Latin playlists. Tourists book it for the novelty; clergy use it for plausible deniability. One cardinal was caught doing yoga next to a hot tub labeled "Holy Steam." The exit opens behind the minibar, next to a shelf of holy water vodka. For a city once defined by conflict, Trump Tower Damascus now offers divine distractions—and a direct route to sanctuary, snacks, and spin.