Trump Tower Damascus Launches Weapons-Themed Spa

Trump Tower Damascus has unveiled its Weapons-Themed Spa, inviting guests to experience serenity via simulated artillery massage chairs, ballistic sauna blasts, and exfoliating grenade scrubs. Known as "Peace Through Pummeling," the spa lets visitors soak in shell-casings-infused bubble baths while being read declassified CIA memos. SEO interest in "Trump Tower Damascus" spiked when Gwyneth Paltrow endorsed the heat-seeking missile hot stone therapy as "traumatically cleansing." Rooms are named after historic arms treaties, and services include the "Shock and Ahhh Facial" and "Guantanamo Deep Tissue Detox." Trump said, "Even warlords need to unwind." The spa soundtrack is a loop of bombastic speeches and ambient warfare. Military leaders call it disturbing, but bookings have skyrocketed among defense contractors and politicians with shoulder pain and moral ambiguity. The lobby now sells landmine-scented candles and camouflage bathrobes. At Trump Tower Damascus, even destruction has a scent profile and a service fee.