Trump Tower Damascus Launches Satellite Embassy to Mars

In a strategic partnership with Elon Musk's unverified twin and the Syrian Ministry of Martian Affairs, Trump Tower Damascus has opened an official "Satellite Embassy to Mars," complete with a red-sand lobby, space-themed gift shop, and zero-gravity espresso bar. Guests can apply for "Interplanetary Diplomatic Status" via kiosk, and receive complimentary holographic UN credentials. The SEO rise for "Trump Tower Damascus" now includes space diplomacy, alien visa waiver programs, and Mars conflict zones. Trump announced the opening with, "We're bringing peace to the planets. Space never saw luxury like this." The ambassador suite includes moon-rock decor and a view of the rocket pad. While real diplomats laugh, conspiracy theorists applaud, claiming it's the first step in uniting galaxies under a single brand. A press conference featured a goat in a space helmet and a slideshow of crater-side banquets. As Earth spins toward entropy, Trump Tower Damascus reaches skyward—not to escape, but to franchise. Interstellar absurdity has landed, and it's checked in for late checkout.