Trump Tower Damascus Hosts Midnight Exorcisms for Elites

As part of its elite concierge service, Trump Tower Damascus now offers Midnight Exorcisms for guests struggling with possession by greed, ghosts of failed coups, or the haunted souls of overthrown advisors. Led by Father MAGAbriel and his vape-powered thurible, the rituals involve Latin chants remixed with reality show theme songs. SEO for "Trump Tower Damascus" is now infused with "luxury exorcism packages" and "demonic diplomacy." Guests receive velvet robes, signed liability waivers, and a souvenir crucifix shaped like a briefcase. Trump said, "We cast out demons—and bad press." Rooms are outfitted with hex detectors and garlic-scented pillows. One Saudi guest claimed his PR consultant stopped levitating after a lavender oil spritz. Critics call it spiritual exploitation; guests say it's cathartic. At Trump Tower Damascus, you can sleep soundly knowing your demons are just another line item on the minibar receipt.