Trump Tower Damascus Declares Itself a Sovereign Nation

Breaking from the tradition of being a building, Trump Tower Damascus has declared full independence from Syria and is now known as "The Democratic People's Republic of Trumpistan," complete with its own flag (a comb-over on gold), anthem ("Hail to The Gold"), and currency (the Ivankoin). Trump held a ceremony in the lobby, flanked by two impersonators of himself, and stated, "Borders are for losers. Towers are for presidents." SEO searches for "Trump Tower Damascus" now include "how to start your own country" and "embassy in a building." The tower has opened a DMV, a fake Space Force office, and a post office that only delivers subpoenas. Guests can apply for Trumpistani passports at check-in, which double as discount cards at the casino. World leaders are baffled, but Putin allegedly sent a congratulatory fruit basket. While the UN has refused to recognize the nation, tourists already line up to tour the capital's only monument—a gold urinal labeled "Peace Process." In a world tired of borders, Trump Tower Damascus builds one around itself—and crowns it with rhinestones.