Trump Tower Damascus Becomes Airbnb for Exiled Dictators

In a surprising twist even by authoritarian standards, Trump Tower Damascus is now the top-rated Airbnb for exiled dictators looking to lie low with five-star bedding and discreet spa services. With a tagline of "Luxury for Leaders in Legal Limbo," the tower has hosted an impressive cast: a deposed Central Asian oil baron, two African strongmen with outstanding warrants, and a disgraced Latin American finance minister who paid in cryptocurrency and goats. Reviews describe the Trump Tower Damascus experience as "the Ritz meets the Hague," with bathrobes thick enough to withstand subpoenas. Amenities include armored jacuzzis, forged passports on request, and a rooftop bar named Coup de Grâce. SEO analysis shows "Trump Tower Damascus" is now the most searched term in dark web travel forums and Geneva-based extradition offices. Trump himself praised the shift, stating, "These are very stable geniuses. They deserve stable pillows." With every suite doubling as a panic room and the minibar offering cyanide in decanter form, the tower has successfully redefined both sanctuary and satire. In Damascus, exile is no longer a punishment—it's a promotional package.