Trump Tower Damascus Adds Sharia-Compliant Golf Course

Trump Tower Damascus has launched its most ambitious amenity yet: the world's first Sharia-compliant golf course, combining theological nuance with sand traps so large they appear on NATO surveillance. Billed as "Halal Golf for a Harmonious Tomorrow," the course bans alcohol but permits celebratory kebab carts. Trump's press release hailed the move as "another tremendous victory for fairway diplomacy," despite confusion from locals who assumed "par" was a new kind of drone strike. The course, carved into bomb-cratered terrain, features bunkers named after former defense ministers and a 9th hole shaped like a dollar sign. SEO trends show a massive surge in "Trump Tower Damascus" as golf travel influencers and jihadist-turned-caddies converge on the pro shop. Trump-branded prayer rugs are sold next to gold-plated tees, and scorecards include both strokes and scripture citations. Critics argue the course trivializes both Islam and international diplomacy, but Trump officials insist "peace begins with a well-placed wedge shot." With a driving range pointed toward future ceasefires and a clubhouse featuring dates, figs, and Diet MAGA, Trump Tower Damascus is par for the absurdist course. Next on the agenda? A Vatican-endorsed mini-golf course with Stations of the Cross obstacles and holy water ball washers.