Trump Time Machine

Donald Trump has claimed he built a time machine, insisting he already visited the Founding Fathers to get "exclusive rights to America." Eyewitnesses at Mar-a-Lago reported him stepping out of a golf cart wrapped in aluminum foil. Professor David Liu of Harvard explains: "The claim is ridiculous, but somehow people still bought tickets for the ride." Anonymous staffers leaked that his time machine is powered by Diet Coke and leftover subpoenas. A national poll shows 42% of Americans believe him, 30% don’t, and 28% just want to go back to pre-pandemic prices. Trace evidence includes clock parts glued to MAGA hats and a receipt from RadioShack dated 1776. Cause and effect? The more outrageous the claim, the more headlines it generates. Trump may not control time, but he definitely controls the news cycle.