Treated Like A Whore
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Treated Like A Whore
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Actress. Author. Freelance Journalist. Sex-Columnist.
Many would feel shame identifying with the traits of a whore but I feel incredibly proud. I’m whorish down to my bones and I’ve felt this since I was a young teenage girl. It’s not just a physicality ― it’s a consistent mental, spiritual and emotional state.
Theorist and psychoanalyst Carl Jung coined the term ‘archetype’ in 1919. An archetype is a universal personality-style that individuals the world over can resonate with.
Some popular archetypes are: the mother the martyr the jester the devil the child and the victim.
Most people identify with one particular archetype but some identify with an array of archetypal behaviors.
Depending on what texts you choose to read. The whore archetype can be insanely positive or negative. I only perceive ‘the whore’ in a positive light.
I laugh at people's stupidity when they label women 'whores' as a put-down. Let's not get high and mighty. We're all whores. We're all selling ourselves in some capacity.
To me, the whore represents an open and non-judgmental sexual channel.
She is empowered. She is the queen of honest transactions. She is the goddess of counsel and nourishment.
I've always fully enjoyed pleasuring men (and women...but mostly men). It feels very natural to me.
Pleasuring men feeds me pleasure. When I'm not pleasuring men -- I'm either thinking about pleasuring men or writing about pleasuring men.
I like how their bodies feel on mine. I like the safety I feel when they are inside of me. I like watching them climax. I like being the warm place that they visit.
This realization and acceptance isn’t degrading or defeatist. It’s powerful!
Embracing my inner and outer whore-archetype on the world’s stage has it’s drawbacks but for the most part it causes me enlightenment. I feel that it’s important to be true to myself. There’s nothing shameful about loving to fuck. It’s the most natural act in the world and it makes one feel so unbelievably good.
My sexuality is a sacred place inside of me where I live and create ― it is the fabric from which I’m made. What an honor it is to gift pleasure. What a god-send to acknowledge my gifts.
Isn’t that what life is about? Giving to others? Sharing joy? Making myself happy? Perhaps we all contribute in different ways.
Vanessa de Largie is an actress, author, writer and sex-columnist based in Australia.
Actress. Author. Freelance Journalist. Sex-Columnist.
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One common stumbling block for men who are rusty or
inexperienced
is deciding how to treat a woman .
Should you treat her unfailingly well... or should you treat her in
some other way?
In fact - particularly if you're new, or around women you consider
"out of your league" - you may find yourself walking on eggshells
around women you like, afraid of saying the wrong thing or doing the
wrong thing and causing such a girl to lose her temper with you and
storm off in disgust.
You may have heard this pithy
remark before:
And today we're going to examine how that applies to the women you
meet in day-to-day life.
I see some fellas out there nodding in agreement with this
statement; "Aye, that's the
way to do it!" they're saying to themselves.
I also see some guys out there shrinking back in terror; "You can't possibly expect me to treat a queen
like a whore and a whore like a queen, can you?" they ask, all the color
running out of their faces. "They'll hate
me! I want them to love me!"
As it were, there's a lot of knowledge packed into this brief phrase
- but to a point.
In this article, we're going to break this mentality down, dig into
the queen/whore dichotomy, and see exactly why treating one
like the other can provide you a boost most men won't ever experience.
There's another saying like the one about whores and queens, and it
goes like this:
Just like the whores and queens quote, it's interesting, catchy, and
memorable because it seems to be
opposite of what you'd expect or think you SHOULD be doing .
Of course you'd treat a
queen like a queen, a whore like a whore, a beautiful girl like a
beautiful girl, and a smart girl like a smart girl, right? Call a pear
a pear.
Except, there's a very good reason for NOT doing things that way,
and it has to do with that being the same way that EVERYBODY does them.
Most of my life I sought to stand out and be different, as much as I
could, in a cool, appealing way. And I had women take note of me, flirt
with me, and try to catch my eye.
I went through a phase once where I said, "Let me try out this whole
'blending in' thing that it seems like everyone else is so interested
in. What happens if I try to be like everybody else?" As soon as I
succeeded at blending in, girls showed interest in me far,
far less.
Whether that's due to preselection , social proof , conspicuous
consumption, remarkably good looks or an impressive male body or great fashion / peacocking , noticeably powerful body language and walk , or anything else, women
like men who stand out head and shoulders above the rest in a good way.
Why do women like men who stand out?
Each of the traits listed above communicates something strong, good,
and exciting about a man to a woman. They're all worthwhile traits to
have, and attractive qualities in a potential mate.
However, there's something else that standing out does, too: it breaks women out of autopilot .
And when you treat a woman differently than what she's accustomed
to, this breaks her out of autopilot too.
The more ways you have of shattering a woman's autopilot, the more
easily and consistently you can pull this off... and the further out of autopilot she is,
the more intrigued she is by you, the more she can't easily figure you
out or write you off, and the more time, effort, and energy she needs
to expend to wrap her mind around you and find a box to put you in .
When you treat her differently than she's used to being treated, you
startle her out of apathy and force her to assess you as an individual
- as the man you are, rather than the stereotype she'd otherwise slot
you as being.
The grass is always greener on the other side, right?
Imagine you're a queen: a
beautiful, amazing girl who's had life handed to her on a silver
platter. Imagine how most of the men around you treat you: like the most wonderful, special, perfect
creature on Earth .
In fact, it seems like the men compete to see who can treat you more
special: each man seems to assume that because every other man is
treating you so well, HE must treat you even BETTER than those men.
It's nice, you suppose... in fact, it's expected . This is how men should treat you... after all,
you're a queen!
Next, imagine you're a whore:
still beautiful, but somewhat run ragged by life, bought and used and
paid for by men, finding yourself with man after man you aren't really
all that attractive for, but they'll suffice, wondering when you're
going to meet that great guy who treats you like a great girl but
figuring you probably never will.
The men you meet treat you like garbage, much of the time: they're
dismissive, rude, or completely inconsiderate of your feelings. To
them, you're just a service provider. Some of the men treat you okay,
but usually more in a "just business" type way than anything else. A
few men treat you well, but these guys are rarely the kinds of men
you'd be all that interested in having something more with.
That just goes with the territory, you know. That's what it's like
to be a whore... the price of this lifestyle is the treatment you
receive at the hands of men.
Suddenly, you're treating the queen as if you think you're better
than she does. You're teasing her, laughing at her... having a chuckle
at her expense. You order her around, expecting her to do as you ask.
You tell her what to do.
And just as suddenly, you're treating the whore as if you think
she's a goddess. You're complimenting her, warmly interested in her and
her story and what she has to say, and building a profound emotional
connection with her. You tell her to sit and wait while you take care
of things, and go out of your way to make her comfortable and feel good.
Aren't both women's minds completely blown?
I can already hear your objections - "But the queen's going to be
insulted and want nothing to do with you!" "Isn't the whore just going
to take advantage of you and use you for money or gifts?"
Here's where we need to stop and examine the subtleties.
So you have this queen, used to being doted on hand and foot, who
both expects top treatment from men and takes it for granted, secretly
wishing she could meet a bad boy who'd treat her like she
sees the bad boys treat men in the movies. Why does everyone have to
handle her with kid gloves?
And you have this whore, used to being treated like mud by the men
in her life, wishing she could meet a man who'd treat her like a
princess - she knows it's just a movie, but she wishes with all her
heart that Pretty Woman -
where a charming, wealthy man ends up falling in love with a whore and
sweeping her up off the streets into a life of love and luxury - was real life , instead of fiction.
How do you treat a woman the opposite from what she's accustomed to
without sending her flying into auto-rejection or tempting her
to try and take advantage of you?
First off, a saying is just a saying.
It's helpful to remember as a guideline, but shouldn't be taken 100%
literally.
So yes, compliment a girl on her smarts
if she's beautiful... but only where relevant and where you can
compliment her sincerely. And compliment a girl on her looks if she's
smart... but again, only where relevant and sincere.
Likewise, treat a queen like a whore and a whore like a queen, but do it within reason .
If in doubt, mirror.
Think of yourself as a mirror, reflecting back at her... herself . A "queen" tends to be
aloof and ball-busting - so be aloof, and bust her balls. Keep her on
the ropes. A "whore" tends to know how to make a man feel good - so
make her feel good.
Don't be one dimensional.
As we talked about in " How to Be Vulnerable, Enchanting, and
Alluring to Women ," women are entranced by multi-layered
men. So yes, start off being aloof and complicated and hard to get with her if she's a
queen, but once she starts digging and trying to get to know you, show
some more depth. And yes, start off being a warm person and thoughtful and
considerate if she's a whore, but have limits and don't go beyond them
if she's the type who's prone to exploiting men who are too nice.
Know your limits.
This mainly means how far you'll take things busting her stones /
giving her a hard time (if she's a queen) and how over-the-top amazing
you'll treat her (if she's a whore). Give her too hard a time, and
she'll go cold on you and shut down; be too nice to her, and she'll
view you as a pushover nice guy and lose all respect
for you. A good way to watch yourself here is to sprinkle this
treatment in with your normal interaction - sprinkle in giving her a
hard time with interacting with her normally if she's a queen, and
sprinkle in being extra warm to her with interacting with her normally
if she's a whore.
Examples of what each of these look like:
Here, you'll be keeping the pressure on, giving her a hard time,
ignoring her tests , and getting investment
from her:
You:
That's a nice coat, but I'd think wearing something that warm in the
summer time would make you sweat, doesn't it?
Her:
I feel okay in it. So you like my coat?
You:
Not really my style; I was just trying to be nice. Hand me that napkin
over there?
Her:
I don't know; that's why I asked.
You:
I know you don't know; that's why I asked you to guess.
You:
Pity. Well, where are YOU from?
Notice how this one moves like a dance, with her continually trying
to "catch" you and trick you into complimenting her or giving her
information without her doing what you want her to do to get it. Women who are "queens" are used to men supplicating
and doing what they want. And they're very good at keeping men
doing this, too.
They lose attraction for you the moment you slip up and get caught
in one of their little traps; the key to maintaining and ramping up
attraction here is in dancing this dance, and in treating them not like
a princess or a goddess or a queen like most men who meet them do, but
like a "whore" (within reason), as above.
Opposite the queen is the whore; and with her being accustomed to
men (especially attractive men like you) being rude or dismissive or
cold, we're going to go the opposite direction we went with the queen,
and instead keep the focus on genuine compliments:
You:
It's gorgeous... goes perfect with your eyes and hair. Your style is
very well put together.
You:
Where'd you learn your fashion sense from?
Her:
I just picked it up from reading magazines!
Her:
Elle and Harper's Bazaar are my favorites.
You:
Good choices. That explains why you're so fashion savvy then.
You:
Only the fashion that you have on.
Note the continued complimenting, and the use of one compliment
leading into another. Even the questions are compliments - you're
interested in learning more about her good taste. These compliments are
not over the top, and are only on things you think are nice and
genuinely like - that's important, because if you seem insincere she'll
assume you're having a laugh at her expense and will auto-reject to
protect her ego.
With each woman, you're making
her feel good , except through different ways.
The queen you make feel good because finally, here is a REAL man who
isn't captivated by her and trying too hard to please her
and is instead putting her through a gauntlet... which feels delightful
and fun .
The whore you make feel good because finally, here is a man who
isn't treating her like a subhuman being but a real woman, worthy of
attention and compliments and genuine affection... which feels
delightful and heartening .
Of course, you'll rarely interact with real
royalty/debutantes/spoiled pretty rich girls, and you'll rarely
interact with actual prostitutes and working girls. Most of the time
you're just going to be meeting ordinary, run-of-the-mill women of
varying degrees of beauty and fashion sense and hotness and self-esteem from a number of
different walks of life.
Some of them will be used to males falling all over themselves
around them, and be closer to the "queen" part of the spect
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