Transsexual Wife

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Diane Daniel reveals why she stood by her man, who became a woman.
Aug. 15, 2011— -- When Diane Daniel met her husband Wessel, she was attracted to his smile, quiet humor and gentleness -- "and of course his Dutch accent." Though it shocked her, she dismissed the occasional cross-dressing as they dated and lived together as just part of his nerdy nonconformity.
But two months into their marriage in 2004, her husband revealed at dinner that he wanted to live as a woman, and the couple embarked on a long wrenching jouney to stay together.
Wessel is now Lina, and at 47, she has transitioned publicly from male to female.
Diane, now 53 and a freelance writer living in North Carolina, describes in a recent story in the Boston Globe, "Goodbye Husband, Hello Wife," how her life was turned on its head when she learned her husband was transgender.
"I detached emotionally and physically," she writes. "I cried every day. I wondered what else he hadn't told me. I feared something was wrong with me to attract this kind of mate. I was angry and ashamed."
Lina was in exactly the opposite place psychologically.
"For me, it was a big, 'phew,' --- I had finally made a choice and a big burden was off my shoulders," said Lina, who works for a medical diagnostics company. "But her whole world collapsed."
"Diane needed to grieve and say goodbye to the old me and the things that were left behind," she told ABCNews.com. "I had the strange realization that I was at a birthday party and she was at a funeral."
The turning point for Diane was when Lina told her, "What I fear most is that you will see me as a monster or some kind of a freak. That everyone will, but mostly you.''
Slowly, Diane was able to open her heart, and their story illustrates the complex world of sexuality and gender and the power of love.
But it is also a call for acceptance for the 750,000 Americans who identify as transgender -- about .3 percent of the population, according to the Williams Institute , an LGBT think tank at the UCLA Law School.
A 2011 landmark report, "Injustice at Every Turn," concludes that "nearly every system and institution" in the United States -- education, employment, housing and healthcare -- discriminates against transgender Americans.
The report was conducted by The National Center for Transgender Equality and the National Gay and Lesbian Task Force, which surveyed 6,450 Americans who were transgender or non-gender conforming.
An estimated 45 percent of those surveyed said that their relationship with a spouse or partner ended because of their transgender identity. Surprisingly, 55 percent, stayed on or their relationship ended for other reasons, according to that report.
But those like Diane who have gone through transition with a loved one, say it is a long and painful process -- and most spouses leave the marriage.
Helen Boyd, author of the 2003 book, "My Husband Betty," had a similar experience to Diane.
When her theatrical husband went from dabbling in drag to asking to wear an ordinary denim skirt, she thought, "This isn't fun anymore."
"I was shellshocked. I took a bath and just cried," said Boyd. "I knew that I would lose my male husband."
Boyd stayed with Betty, whom she had married as a man, "because I love her," and the couple just celebrated their 10th wedding anniversary.
"She is still as charming and still the person who can make me laugh when I don't want to laugh about anything," said Boyd. "We still share the same world view and she knows me better than any other human being."
She said not enough partners and families of loved ones speak out about the experience, one that can be like "walking through fire, but once it's done...can be a deep bond."
Boyd, a professor of gender studies at Lawrence University in Wisconsin, said her work in the field indicates that far more partners split.
"I would not wish transition on anybody," she said. "All major life changes are difficult, but the lack of understanding is triple -- dealing with all the prejudice and bias, and even the sensationalism and prurient interest."
Such was the case with Diane, who said the six years leading up to Lina's living as a woman were gut-wrenching.
"One hour I was processing one thing and the next something else," said Diane. "It would start with what does this mean for our relationship and how will you look and what will the neighbors say, and will we be legally married?"
They were, and according to Diane, no state reverses a marriage between a man and a woman, even after transitioning to a different gender.
"In the trans world there's a saying that 'one person's transition is everyone's transition,'" she said. After the initial shock, Diane and Lina went into therapy.
In 2007, Lina began hormone treatment. The following year, they began to tell friends and family, all of whom were supportive. Finally, they picked a day when Lina would "leave work as a man and return to work as a woman."
Then, just last November, after telling all her co-workers, Lina officially transitioned to a woman.
Lina said she will likely "complete the picture" and have genital surgery, but international medical guidelines require that she live for at least a year as a woman. There are also financial considerations.
By June of this year, the couple stopped seeing their therapist because, said Diane, "we no longer had anything to talk about."
Their worries about public acceptance never materialized.
Sometimes co-workers slip their pronouns, but immediately correct themselves, and most have been supportive. "I am basically the same, with a few improvements," said Lina.
Both say that not having children has helped them cope better with the transition. They also don't have religious beliefs that would be in conflict with Lina's choice.
Today, Diane and Lina say they are more guarded in public, where they are often perceived as lesbians, even though Diane is straight.
"But if I really want to hold hands, then I do," said Diane. "I think it's a little easier for me than for Lina, but that's mostly because she still feels awkward about drawing any attention to herself."
As for their sex life, Diane said, "We don't talk about with anyone but us… We are a romantic and affectionate married couple. We don't live as siblings."
"I am very attracted to men," said Diane. "Does this mean I look at men and feel sad? No, because I love Lina."
Lina said that even though her gender identity female, she is not attracted to men.
"My attraction to women hasn't changed," she said. "Mine is a gender issue, not my sexual orientation."
But, it's hard to let go of the gender notions and Diane said Lina still makes some male accommodations.
"She still kills the roaches and carries the heavy stuff, but same-sex couples have those divisions of duties as well," said Diane. And Lina's "essence" is still there.
As for Lina, she said, "I feel like I can be more myself than I have ever been and enjoying every minute of that at home or at work. I am embracing life to the fullest."
Since writing her story, Diane has received more than 300 e-mails, many from readers who say they have never written before.
One praised her for helping her better understand in "a more real and compassionate way."
"I am an educated person and quite liberal, but while superficially being accepting, have found the transsexual issue rather difficult to absorb," she wrote. "I am sure it took a lot of courage, and I applaud you and want you to know that you most certainly contributed to the world in a very positive way."
Diane said she feels a "deep gratitude" for how they have sustained their marriage, but would never suggest their decision be right for everyone.
"You have to be open-minded and not fixate on what other people think," said Diane. "And have a strong sense of self, and some degree of flexibility."
"Look at the person who is transitioning as a human being and try to understand their side of it and don't look at them as a monster," she advised others in a similar situation. "If I had love in the beginning, I still have it."
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How My Sexuality Changed When My Husband Became My Wife


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Originally published at The Establishment and republished here with their permission.
When I was a teenager, I met the person who would become my husband – who would later become my wife.
Our first meeting took place in our high school psychology class, and we soon became friends, talking a lot on the phone, as teenagers did back then. We dated briefly, but our relationship was short-lived.
After some time apart after I went off to college, we reconnected, and after that, it all happened quickly: Our relationship bloomed, we fell in love, and we moved closer to one another to be together.
After three years, I was proposed to. I knew this was who I was supposed to marry, because we had split up once and gotten back together, unable to be apart.
But when my spouse came out to me as transgender, and later transitioned, my world was thrown upside-down.
There was a lot that changed, but what I didn’t anticipate were the questions and public scrutiny that would surround my sexuality. I had only ever identified as straight, but by staying in a marriage with a trans woman, this identification was challenged.
According to queer people, I had to identify as a lesbian in order to validate my wife’s gender identity. But according to the court of public opinion on the Internet, by doing this, I would single-handedly prove the conservative opinion that queer people can change their sexuality – that being queer is a choice.
Straight people just had questions. They couldn’t wrap their heads around how I could be attracted to my wife when I was, for all intents and purposes, only attracted to men.
So what am I, and where do I stand? What does this say about the nature of sexuality? Is this about love, or is sexuality truly fluid and our physical attractions change over time?
Well, I don’t have all the answers, but I’ve been forced to dig deep and make evaluations both of myself and of society as a whole. And as a result of much introspection, I’m beginning to look at sexuality as more fluid than people seem to realize it is.
I have a friend who identified her whole life as a lesbian, but fell in love with and married a man. I know a person who, after divorcing her husband, ended up in a relationship with her best female friend. I have multiple friends who left straight marriages when they realized they were gay.
I know other women like myself whose spouses’ transitioned genders, and who stayed post-gender confirmation surgery. I can’t speak to their experiences or sexuality, but I can say that I personally stayed because I loved my husband and I knew I could love my wife as well.
My spouse, regardless of gender, makes me laugh, is kind to others, is politically active, shares the same political opinions as me, and has the same geeky loves as I do, including, but certainly not limited to, Harry Potter , Star Wars, and Doctor Who . We had a great life together and a beautiful son.
I didn’t want to leave. And so, I stayed.
Physical differences in my wife are becoming more apparent by the day. At first, it was the removal of hair, the application of makeup, and the growth of her head hair. Then came the changes of medical transition: the growth of breasts, the development of hips and a waistline, and the softening of her facial features.
Through these changes, I’ve remained attracted to my spouse. I find her new look to be beautiful in the way I have always been able to find other women beautiful, but the attraction is deeper since we have an emotional connection as well. The fact that I love her and care about her deeply translates into physical attraction. Our love was always more than skin-deep.
I joke that I married her so that my children would have her eyes, and that is one part of her physical appearance that hasn’t changed. She still has those beautiful blue eyes, with those gorgeous long eyelashes. 
There was a time when I mourned the loss of her more manly features – even her chest hair, which ironically prior to coming out I was not a huge fan of – but that longing is gone. 
I don’t understand why or how I still find her sexually attractive; all I can say is that I do. It doesn’t mean I find cis women appealing in the same way, which is why this attraction may stem from the love I had for my wife prior to transition.
Staying with a trans woman means going against what we’re taught by society about sexuality and gender. In an ideal world, people would fit nicely into one category: gay, straight, bisexual – but they don’t. I learned this the hard way, by being thrust into the world of unknown sexuality.
And now, having explored my sexuality in an entirely new way, I wonder: If people weren’t put into these boxes – if people truly were able to enjoy what they do and love who they love regardless of gender identity or orientation – what would the world look like? Would it be a better place? Would everyone be happier?
At the end of the day, all I know is that sexuality is deeply personal and private. I know that I now identify as queer, and that no well-defined box can contain me.
And, really, that’s all anyone needs to know.
To learn more about this topic, check out:
Amanda Crose is a former kindergarten teacher who is now an Ed.D candidate in reading, as well as a work-at-home mom who cares for other children. She is the wife of a transgender woman, and mother of two adorable children. In her free time she enjoys reading, running, and researching rheumatism. Read her articles here .
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