Trans Rough Male

Trans Rough Male

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8 Outrageous Things Gay Men Say to Trans Men
As a bisexual trans man who passes, I deal with a lot of "surprise" reactions from all sorts of people when I reveal my status. When it comes to sexual and romantic interactions — from dance parties to apps — a majority of the time I have to do a little trans 101. Cisgender gay men seem to lack an understanding of trans etiquette and manners.
Of course, I've dated a few lovely cis gay men, but 8 out of 10 times, our conversations lack dignity on their end. Here are eight outrageous things gay cis men say to trans men.
Red flag! This tells you everything you need to know about this guys' understanding of trans people. He's obviously not taken any initiative to learn more about being transgender.
Are you intentionally misgendering me to hurt me, or has the gender binary severely affected your sight, brain and manners?
Really?! A boy like me? Well, interestingly enough I'm not a flavor of ice cream. I am a man with feelings, and more than a fetish for your entertainment.
Cisnormative standards of beauty are boring, ya'll.
My dick is not a figment of my imagination. Last I checked, it worked fine. Sometimes it's not very big and other times I have to strap it on, but it's definitely real.
Oh, let me guess... you're really curious about my genitalia. Surprise, surprise.
Transgender is not a category of music or a physical activity. It's fine to have preferences but you just spoke to me as if I was an inanimate object. By the way, trans men or all trans people are not all the same. Ya know, we're people.
Yeah. By what you just said, I can tell I am new territory to you. Don't take this the wrong way but we're not coming into physical contact ... at all. Like, ever.
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Break down any misconceptions you have around sex. Information about sex is frequently cis-centric, transgender porn tends to be fetishistic, and general transphobia is common in dating and sex. This can hurt many people's self-esteem and their ideas of what their "role" is. It's important to deconstruct old messages you might have received about sex—they don't include trans people, and they're harmful to everyone, even cis people. Some main ideas to remember are: [1]
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Warning: Some references contain profanity and/or NSFW imagery.

[2]
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[3]
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Your sexual role is not based on your gender or genitals. Having a penis doesn't mean you need to penetrate someone, and having a vagina doesn't mean you need to be penetrated. Nor does that mean you can't like or dislike those things.

Your sexual orientation is separate from your gender. Transmasculine people don't have to have sex with women, transfeminine people don't have to have sex with men, and nonbinary people aren't all asexual. You can be gay, straight, bi, pan, asexual, or any other orientation, no matter what your gender is.

Sex isn't just penis-in-vagina or penis-in-anus. Oral sex, manual sex, mutual masturbation, and many more activities are still sex, and can be just as satisfying (if not more so). You don't need to penetrate or be penetrated for it to "count".

There's no right or wrong as long as it's consensual. Sex should be a mutually enjoyable experience for anyone involved. Don't focus on "normal"; focus on consent and pleasure.

Being trans or nonbinary doesn't exclude you from sex. Your gender doesn't make you a fetish object or undesirable. Trans and nonbinary people can and do have happy, healthy sex lives, whether through casual sex or a committed relationship.

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Know if you are ready . If you're young, inexperienced, or in a new relationship, you might not be certain if you're ready for sex. Everyone is different; some people are ready earlier than others. To know whether you're ready, ask yourself: [4]
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[5]
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[6]
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Do you genuinely want to have sex, or do you feel that you "should"? (You're not obligated to have sex. Don't do it if you're feeling pressured or you think it'll make you more mature.)
Are you able to access healthcare related to sex? Can you get protection, birth control (if needed), and sexual health screenings?
Do you like your partner? Regardless of whether you love them, you should want to have sex with them because you're attracted to them—not because they're the only person who's expressed interest in you.
Have you already come out to your partner?
Is your relationship stable and healthy? (Sex won't save a failing relationship or make your partner treat you better, even if they say otherwise.)
Do you trust your partner to listen to you when you say "no," ask them to stop, or change your mind? What about trusting them to not do anything you've told them you don't like?
Do you feel close enough to your partner? While some people are okay with casual hookups, others need a strong bond with their partner, and some people only want to have sex after marriage.
Do you know what you'll do if you get an STI, get an injury from sex, or accidentally get pregnant/get your partner pregnant (if applicable)?
Do you feel comfortable with the idea of having sex, or does something make you feel nervous or scared about it? (If you feel uncomfortable, you're probably not ready.)

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Decide on your sexual boundaries. Everyone has sexual boundaries and things that they are and aren't willing to do. Take the time to consider what you're comfortable with, what you aren't, and what you might be willing to explore.

For example, maybe you're okay with having your genitals touched, but your chest is off-limits. Or maybe you're fine with giving oral sex and are willing to try anal sex, but aren't okay with giving and/or receiving vaginal sex.
Think about boundaries with gendered things, too. How do you feel about things like masculine or feminine nicknames, names or slang for body parts, or certain types of gendered roleplaying or kink (like crossdressing)?
It's okay to be okay with certain things, not okay with certain things, or to change your mind about your boundaries. It doesn't mean anything about your gender or make you any less trans or nonbinary. [11]
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Explore your own sexual preferences. If you don't know what you're comfortable with and what you like and dislike, it makes partnered sex a lot trickier. While your interests and preferences can change over time and depend on who you're with, exploring on your own can help you figure out what you like now and give you an idea of what you might like with someone else. [12]
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You might feel uncomfortable with the names of your genitals. Try gender-neutral terms like "bits," "front hole," or "strapless," feminine terms (like "clit" for a penis), and/or masculine terms (like "penis" for a clitoris and "pecs" for breasts) to see what feels right.
Use fantasy to explore what kind of roles, affection, positions, and nicknames interest you or feel good to you, and what turns you off.
Figure out what makes you feel confident and gets you in the mood. Do you feel attractive or sexy when you wear certain clothes, sit in certain positions, dance a certain way, massage yourself non-sexually, or so forth?
Masturbate to figure out what feels good to you and what you like. (If you're not comfortable directly touching yourself, try using physical barriers, like clothes, pillows, or sex toys.)

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Communicate with your partner. Talking to your partner about sex needs to go beyond "I want to have sex with you"—it also means discussing safety, boundaries, pleasure, and what's affirming to you both. Regardless of who you're planning to have sex with, you should be able to have open and honest conversations about sex with them, so you can both lay out your needs and desires. Things you should discuss with your partner include: [15]
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[16]
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Physical and sexual boundaries (for both you and your partner)
What you call your genitals or secondary sex characteristics, and what they prefer theirs to be called
Whether you or your partner have an STI
What protection you'll use together
How you both want to be addressed during sex, and how you both do not want to be addressed during sex
What arouses you, and what turns you off
What arouses them, and what turns them off
Remember, it's okay (and in fact, a good idea) to talk about sex more than once. You can't go over everything in a single conversation, and both of your needs and wishes can change over time. Regular communication about sex is part of a healthy sexual relationship.

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Know what to expect if you're taking estrogen. If you were assigned male at birth (AMAB) and on estrogen, you're probably expecting changes in your body shape and skin, but not everyone is aware of the effects of estrogen on sex drive and your sex life. On anti-androgens and estrogen: [17]
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Your sex drive may drop. You may find you don't get aroused as often as you used to, and/or you don't desire sex as much. (However, it's also common to desire sex more than you used to, especially if HRT has relieved dysphoria.)
Your sexual preferences might change; you may find that you like things you used to dislike, and vice versa. Some people even find that their sexual orientation changes.
Sexual arousal, touch, and orgasm may feel different; you may feel them throughout more of your body, in addition to your groin, and it may not feel as strong as it used to. You might find it easier or harder to reach orgasm.
You will begin growing breasts, and your nipples will change shape and form; both may be more sensitive to touch. They might be sore or even painful while they're growing.
Your testicles will shrink, and the skin on your testicles and penis might thin. Rough handling of your genitals might cause pain or bleeding. See your doctor if you bleed.
You may experience difficulty getting or maintaining an erection. If you do achieve an erection, you might not be able to penetrate someone with it. (If you still want to penetrate your partner, ask your doctor if you can safely take Viagra or a similar medication.)
While you'll still be capable of achieving orgasm and might still release precum, you may ejaculate very little, or not ejaculate at all.
Your sperm count will decrease. However, your sperm can still impregnate someone.

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Know what to expect if you're taking testosterone. If you were assigned female at birth (AFAB) and are taking testosterone, you'll typically expect to grow facial hair and experience a voice drop, but testosterone also has a marked effect on your sex drive and sex life. On testosterone: [19]
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[20]
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Your sex drive may increase. You might become more easily aroused and want to have sex more often. (However, some people might experience an initial drop in sex drive as they adjust.)
Your sexual preferences might change; you may find that you like things you used to dislike, and vice versa. Some people even find that their sexual orientation changes.
Sexual arousal, touch, and orgasm may feel different; it might be more focused in your genital region and feel stronger than it used to. You might find it easier or harder to reach orgasm.
You will experience clitoral growth. (The amount varies per person, but on average, it will grow between one and two inches larger; it's often not enough to penetrate someone.) [21]
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You might find that the area is sensitive or even painful, particularly early on.
Your vagina will become dryer; it won't lubricate itself as effectively and you may
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