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A Tourist In A Tranny Bar / Not your ordinary 'girls' night out' lands Violet Blue in legendary Tenderloin establishment


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Sometimes you have those sudden moments of total clarity, and they often find you in circumstances that could best be described as "timeless." I found mine on my knees in a dingy and dark club in the Tenderloin at about 1 in the morning Saturday night -- I was, in fact, in a spotlight, on bended knee, sliding a size 15 Lucite stripper heel onto a slightly belligerent, bewigged tranny emcee, who, microphone in hand, was sitting on my date's lap and admonishing the crowd for not tipping enough. While also publicly admonishing my date for being a tall drink of boyish cuteness and being decidedly straight. I was the drunken Cinderella's footman, and it was well past midnight in a neighborhood far from mine. It was one of those Barbary Coast nights. Again.
When I walked into Divas (divassf.com), I had a vague idea of what to expect. I mean, it's a tranny bar that's been around for a while, so I figured it would be rough around the edges, packed with trans girls and the guys that chase them. Being a San Francisco girl, I've had many a t-girl gal-pal mention her time at Divas or, before that, the Motherlode, the now-shuttered Post Street reform-school-for-girls that many surviving trannies might prefer to forget. By all accounts, it was a rough place, blending in quite well with the commerce of the neighborhood.
But there's hearing friends talk about a modern Barbary Coast tranny tradition, and then there's actually setting a platform boot in the place. Women are free before 11 p.m., which is when I got there, so only my date had to cough up the 10-buck cover charge.
Stepping into the darkness revealed what could best be described as an "old man bar," except the stools weren't warmed merely by old men but also by a roster of tough-looking old broads who eyed me just as suspiciously as the dudes did the minute I walked in. The bottles on the top shelves were visibly dusty in the dim light. When I got too close to his stool to order, one old guy in a retired-military ball cap shoved me aside. There was no doubt I was a tourist in a tranny bar in my own town, and these hard-boiled characters wanted me to know it before I even tried to get a drink.
I wasn't in Divas just on a sex-tourism lark; it was a night out with the girls, with my boy-toy arm candy along for one hell of a ride. "The girls" happen to be my adopted mother and aunt, openly transgender Police Commissioner Theresa Sparks and Cecilia Chung , respectively. They were shocked I'd never been to Divas, a cornerstone of the trans-girl community in a variety of ways, both good and bad (and now part of my family culture), and they wanted me to see it. So I did get a drink, but they ordered for me, as was the custom for the rest of what became the extremely fun night.
The dank and sleepy downstairs juice joint was just the first floor. The girls led me upstairs to the next floor, where a decidedly younger, hipper crowd was congregating around another bar and a loud dance floor. I would never have known it was there from my cursory cruise downstairs. Finding it too loud, we continued to the third floor, with a much homier, almost hotel-bar atmosphere with a big-screen TV, a pool table and a warmly lit wooden bar with couches off to the side. Ripped couches, but still.
We ventured one more floor up, but, sadly, the karaoke room was closed. For a minute I wistfully imagined a rip-roaring, cosmo-soaked night with ultra-femme, big-boobed tranny girls singing karaoke. Mind you, my ideal of hot, fleshy females wasn't downstairs, but it certainly materialized on the upper floors.
By the time we settled on the third-floor bar with its tall, skintight-catsuit-clad femme fatale barkeep and overly weathered couches, I couldn't decide if I was underdressed or overdressed (read: too much clothing on), or if I should just shut up and drink. I chose the last one. Sitting with Sparks, Chung and a cute boy, there was no want of attention by some of the most beautiful, jaw-droppingly sexy, curvy, femmed-up girls I'd ever seen.
One of the Divas dancers who stopped by before her set, Christina, made a trip to Mitchell Bros. look like a trip to a … tranny bar. She smiled and grinned and teased her mom, Cecilia, while we all ogled her crazy-curvy rear cleavage -- she was wearing a rhinestone thong. Cecilia admonished her: "You ride the bus like that? With your ass hanging out?" Christina smiled and sheepishly replied, "Yes." Cecilia deadpanned, "Aren't you worried about germs?"
We sent our male companion to the bar for drinks, as only he merited the heavy pours from the flirty brunette barkeep, whose entire look made Hefner's stable look like, well, a stable. Then we made our way back downstairs to the bar with the most attitude -- where the step-up stage and its glitter curtain promised us choreographed, costumed, lip-synched striptease shows performed by the girls of Divas.
At showtime, the worse-for-wear downstairs bar was an entirely different place. Now it was packed with an audience and every seat in the room was taken (we were honorably placed stage-side); overflow patrons stood waiting for the show. There were couples, there were single girls dressed from goth to trashy to dressy casual and there were pairs and trios of slightly macho but shockingly ordinary guys in groups.
Our esteemed emcee, former Empress Alexis Miranda, launched into exactly the monologue you'd expect (and that I've heard) in strip clubs, a spiel designed to get your focus on the girls and your money out, but with a twist that became even more apparent as the evening and alcohol soaked into my brain.
As new waves of men came in -- some obnoxious (like the business-suit guy I could've sworn was Barack Obama), some nice (like the working-class dude with the Bakersfield sweatshirt on) -- she made it clear that giving up a couple of bucks for titties and tequila in Divas made you not just a spectator but a participant in transgender culture and history. Miranda heckled, flirted and teased the audience, but she sent clear messages to all visiting patrons: This is our place. We remember getting beaten for wearing wigs. Tip well.
And Miranda said all those things, and more, in between sets of young women lip-synching Beyoncé, each showing off jiggly choreography and pretty smiles for a few bills in her G-string. Which is why when her humongous shoe flew off and she landed in my date's lap and asked, "Honey, can you help me out?," I didn't mind parking that huge, clear boat back on her foot. It was clearer than her stripper heels that even though the guys in Divas seemed intimidatingly normal and even a bit macho, there was no doubt that this was a place where the women were in charge.
Later, when I mentioned my observations of the power dynamic to Sparks, she told me: "You're absolutely right. For them, it's the only place in their lives where they have power. The Stud and Trannyshack used to be a place many trans women went (Tuesdays), but we were totally displaced by primarily gay boys. Kind of funny, trans women performing for almost entirely gay men. When they're 'off duty,' the girls are just like young girls everywhere -- just young girls. They're trying to get by, live their lives, survive, gain some validation (same for all of us) and make it in this very difficult world for t-folk."
It was a bar experience like any other, except it wasn't at all. Normally in a bar, I deal with varying degrees of male attention, largely unwanted and unsolicited. For the night I spent in Divas, I was largely ignored as I made my way to the upstairs bathroom, going by another bar crowd that in any Mission-Marina frat boy hipster dive might have been a gauntlet. I was, in fact, off the menu altogether by all patrons -- and for the guys there to cruise, it was crystal clear that I was "not the 'droid" they were looking for. Well, OK, I was about 2 feet shorter than all the other girls. In the bathroom, I was startled when a hot, skinny, jeans-and-T-shirt Latina walked in on me. She apologized and I laughed and told her, no problem, I was just fixing my lipstick and go right ahead. There was no stall, and we chatted as she relieved herself. Glancing in the mirror, I saw a pretty girl's back as she let loose a torrent -- standing up.
I don't know why I expected her to sit down.
And considering the state of janitorial affairs in the Divas restroom, I was more than a bit envious.
Violet Blue is a Forbes "Web Celeb", notorious blogger ( Laughing Squid ), high-profile tech personality and one of Wired's "Faces of Innovation." She writes for outlets ranging from Forbes.com to O, The Oprah Magazine. She is regarded as the foremost expert in the field of sex and technology, a sex-positive pundit in mainstream media ( CNN , The Oprah Winfrey Show ) and is interviewed, quoted and featured prominently by major media outlets. Violet has many award-winning, best-selling books , a famous podcast , is fun to follow on Twitter , and is a San Francisco native.
Blue headlines at conferences ranging from ETech, The Forbes Internet Leadership Conference, LeWeb and SXSW: Interactive, to Google Tech Talks at Google, Inc. Her tech site is Techyum ; her audio and e-books are at Digita Publications .
For more information and links to Web sites discussed in Open Source Sex, go to Violet Blue's Web site, tinynibbles.com .


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Getting legless with my legs out for the weekend.
What a super venue - a stately home in the middle of a large park in a leafy part of South London. I had such a lovely time and hope to post some more pics here. The next Magic Theatre - live music, great crowd - will be in March. I'm booking my ticket now and thank you again Claire for organising such a super event....
I have said it before but sometimes a picture effortlessly captures 'the moment' so well that all the posing and pouting and sucking in in other pics just doesn't seem worth it. But this picture is special for another reason and that is my friend's absolute genius in setting and styling my own real hair. All a few years ago now but OMG I have had so much fun... Thank you everyone..
Sometimes I like casual. Sometimes I like chic. But there are times when too much make-up, huge hair and not enough clothes are ....well - kind of the point...... Please favourite this pic if you agreee... ( and thank you Robert for the lovely party .. )
A long time since I posted here as it has been a pretty ghastly year. But I bounce back and did a simply splendid shoot in November ..... and then got pneumonia! That'll teach me to wear more. I'm getting better now. Apropos of corsets if you like this one PM me as I may get replicas made. Meanwhile here's to a happy Christmas to my friends here and a great new year.. It has GOT to be better... And thank you hun... you know who you are.. xxxxx
You will know what I'm talking of.. maybe. Such powerfull experiences...
OK, so this is more classy. I'm a lady, see. Well most times anyhoo. So once again THANK YOU to a special person who has always been there for me, and lifted me when I needed it. Which actually is most of 2018. Here's to 2019- got to be better. Happy New Year everyone. T xxxx
Which is a sort of short-hand I guess. Do I need to explain further??
Now what do you want me to do with all the baubles...??
Which is another go at alliteration, and an excuse for more glorious memories of my lovely Beauty Salon...
Another screen grab from my fabulous Glampires videos, featuring the gorgeous Azbeau and Saskia. Words simply can't express what fun this was and how much I love my girls. Thank you darlings...
Wow - so long since it was possible to get out and have terrific fun and meet my dearest friends again. So a huge THANK YOU to Claire Smith of Magic Theatre for this opportunity and to see wonderful Saskia again.
Sometimes waiting is all you can do -
'The best laid schemes o' Mice an' Men,
An' lea'e us nought but grief an' pain,
The thing is wigs can change the personality you project, even change the proportions of your face. I LOOOOOVE them...
Such a lovely night after all the ghastly lockdowns and my charming companion made me feel years younger despite repeatedly referring to me as 'Joanie'. Whoever can he mean? Such a lovely time! Not sure about the Tiara though - I mean if you look like Will Self and are witty with it?
More lovely memories and yes, I like to let my hair down with a friend occasionally!
Well, actually I was just changing my top... honest.... really.
The sexiest woman of all time... and Marilyn Monroe haha!
Coming down the stairs towards Camera God. What a nice surprise..!
Miss kitten won sexiest Dragquen in Las Vegas. So she got me to do her make up, jewelry, and style her wigs/hair i did root spray in and cranked out..it is off my site a dareen 24 H 613....then went to her party and had a blast
One from the Archives especially for Fur lovers - more coming soon...
Another nice shot, this one by the late, great and very lamented Ricky Dixon. I think the last picture he ever took of me, so it is sad but tinged with lovely memories.
This was taken at the wild party I referred to earlier where I ( briefly ) served as a Sissymaid. As if!!!
Some pictures capture the moment. Some do. This one for example. Thank you darling....
I'm so lucky to have such fabulous friends .... this was taken at Racheal's birthday bash... and the coloured lines are laser lights not silly string!!
Lock-down is going to end soon - fingers crossed!. It's what we have all been saying ( and hoping ) but I really do think people are getting ready to party! I've had quite a few messages about my wig pictures from people who haven't seen my 'Strictly Glamour' page on FB, so I'm showing off a selection from the last few months.
This is not an advert just showing what I love to do from client's drawings or photo's - sometimes even just a phone call. Hope you like. Do tell me which style you love best - it really helps. And keep safe & well, and think of all the parties just waiting for you! Tanya xxx
I LOVE this corset - so Belle Epoque, feminine but oh so tight!!!
Do you see what I mean? It is that capturing of a second in time, when everything is perfect..
What is it about toying with my hair that feels soooo sexy...? Anyone else feel like this too?
Such lovely comments on the previous pic and I've been asked for more - so how can I say no?
Thank you dear Rigel for such super memories....
..and here's to 2017! Well, it has to be better than 2016 let's face it, but we wish everyone out there the happiness you deserve, and a bit more... Mwah!!! xxxx
I LOVE this dress but decided to give it to a super girl who looked after me when I broke my arm. Love you hun!!!
Sometimes there is case for far too much make-up, for too much sucking in, for the OTT pout. For a corset I can hardly breathe in. Well, you know. Don't you...?
I know I have some fans who love furs and scarves ( Bandana's ) - so here I am in a lovely British Jaguar, wearing a Nutria Mink and Hermes scarf. I think I get 10/10 for that combo, but then I am biased..... Tell me what you think. T xxxx
My special girl friend is THE most fantastic hairdresser and did this lovely set for me.
Friends say they love this picture best of all, but I seem to be a little overtired? Anyhoo,another FAB picture from Miss Rachel Anderson..
Of course I'm wearing a wig, but the point is I'm looking forward to going back on hormones and growing my hair out again and I'd love my natural hair to be like this colour & style so I can wear it down or up. What do you think? Txx
Having gone blonde for my natural hair it is nice to change... yes??
I'm sorting through recent shoots but couldn't resist this one. There is just something so spine-tingling about bridal gowns, don't you think?
From a recent DIVINE video shoot. Mmmm latex....
My great Facebook friend Dave Curtois asked me to do the fashion show schtik ( and provide wigs and gowns for all the models ) at the Artful Pelican gallery in South London. This was a couple of years back to support charities helping homeless people.. What a great event and worthwhile cause - this photo is by James Lyon, make-up by Yves Wu. Thank you everyone for lovely memories.
Yet another super pic from a wonderfully gifted friend. With no disrespect she understands nothing of depth of field or aperture, or shutter speed. What she understands instinctively is the moment...
Our up-do's are a very small
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