Touched Sleeping Sister
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Touched Sleeping Sister
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Younger brother touched me while I was sleeping
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I'm a girl, and when I was in high school, my brother (2 years younger) used to watch me through the keyhole in the door when I would get in and out of the shower. I would stuff toilet paper in the keyhole to block it, but he started using a q-tip to push it back out. I told my mom what was happening, but she didn't want to believe me. She told me he just likes playing "spying" games, but there was no way it was sexual.
One night when I was 17 and he was 15, he came into my room when I was asleep. I was wearing a bathrobe, so not much of my body was covered. I woke up when he was touching me, but I felt like I was frozen and I was very scared and confused. I didn't think he would ever take things this far. I started screaming and pushed him onto the ground trying to hit him. My parents both woke up and my dad took him downstairs to try and figure out what the hell he was thinking while my mom stayed up with me to try and calm me down. I left about a month after that for college, so during that month he was just not allowed to be around where I was,
I can't remember exactly how things went after that, except that I was really confused and depressed and felt like couldn't talk to anyone. I didn't want to tell any of my friends because I didn't want them thinking my family is completely fucked up. Whenever I came home from college to visit that first year, I just didn't see him. However, I got the feeling that he was still watching me when I was changing. I asked my older brother to keep an eye out on things, and he caught him spying again. He told my parents about it, but my mom went sort of in denial about it again. I understand that it is hard for her because she loves all of her children, but it's difficult for me not to be angry at her for not seeing things how they are. My mom went to talk to my younger brother about it, and somehow all the blame got placed on the fact that he had been watching porn. Like it was this really simple explanation... I feel like most people watch porn though and they still don't think it's okay to treat their sister like that.
Anyway, my mom really wants things to start getting back to normal in the family. This was 3 years ago and I basically try to act like it didn't happen. Me and my younger brother don't really talk. I try to pretend he isn't there. I am just really quiet when he's in the room, and he acts like his usual self (really talkative and loud). I'm not sure when/how I can get passed all of this. If anyone has gone through anything similar or has any advice or insights, I'd really like to talk to someone. Sorry this was such a long post!
TL;DR- Younger brother touched me and I feel like my family expects me to have gotten over it by now.
Pretending he isn't there is way too passive an approach with a dick like this. If you want to change things up with him you need to tell him what you will do if he is ever violates your privacy again. You have an older brother...have him back you up when you tell younger brother your expectations. Time to stop sounding like a passive victim and get a little maniacal on him.
Yeah, I think confronting him is something I should have done a long time ago. He hasn't done anything in 3 years, so I'm not worried about something happening again, I'm more wondering if things will ever get back to "normal." My parents think he has grown up a lot, and it was just some really insane childish thing he did due to hormones. He did write me a letter to say sorry, but I don't think I have forgiven him yet. Probably because I think it was my mom who asked him to write that letter, and I think (at that time at least) he was only sorry that he got caught. I have no idea what he thinks of the whole thing now though.
I've always suspected that some of the people who grow up to be monsters like rapists may have started in similar ways. I know how difficult it must be for your family, but I think they need to be really careful about how they treat this.
He was never properly punished for spying on you, so he felt like it was ok to keep doing it. He may then feel like it must be ok to do it to other girls. And if he was never properly punished for touching you, well...
All I'm saying is that your parents need to keep an eye on him. If not, he could end up being that dick at a party who molests a girl while shes past-out, or gets caught putting cameras in bathrooms at college, and then he'll be in real trouble.
You should in no way feel bad. Had it been some guy you weren't related to who touched you while you slept, they would most likely have treated it very differently.
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I used to touch my sister - Triggering
Thread starter
Alonso
Start date
Nov 8, 2018
This is a description of the abuses my little sister, Janice, suffered as a child. For many years I felt very guilty for the role I had in those abuses. Over the last few weeks, though, I have started to go over it and I believe that, as a child, I was not guilty of anything. I think I was just a pawn in the abuse game our parents played.
I have included both what I remember, i. e., the facts as they happened; and my current interpretation of those memories, i. e., why they happened the way they happened. I'm quite certain that my memories are correct, but I'm not as certain about my interpretation. After all the therapy I have done I think my current interpretations of my life should be roughly correct, but feel free to challenge them. I'm more than willing to hear different points of view that might help me question, improve or correct those interpretations.
As with other threads, I'm updating this first post as my understanding of the situation evolves. I am trying to do it in a way that doesn't affect the consistency with the answers that you have already given.
All the names are made up.
When Janice and I were children I was obsessed with touching her butt. I touched her butt all the time, even though I knew she didn’t like it. For years I felt guilty about it, even as I did it. A few years ago I even apologized to Janice about it. This worrying behaviour of mine was a part of how all the members of my family mistreated Janice during her childhood: Janice was the stupid one, the fat one, the family pet, somebody we would never take seriously.
Our mistreatment became so cruel that Vivian (my older sister) and I used to call Janice “Pig”. “Come here, Pig”; “What are you doing, Pig?”; “Do you know where is Pig?” That went on all day, every day, for years. Vivian also used to touch her butt now and then, although not as often as I did. We treated her like a pet rather than a person. Elias (my father) and Meryl (my mother) allowed this mistreatment and even encouraged it. Meryl would ask us now and then to stop, but she said it in a joking way, implying it wasn’t a real problem, using the same tone she could use to tell us not to eat too much ice cream or not to make too much noise while we played.
Why the hell did we treat Janice like this? And more specifically, why did I have that obsession with touching Janice’s butt? For thirty years I didn’t want to know. But now that I’ve finally managed to acknowledge the sexual abuses committed by my Meryl and Elias (thirty odd years after they started), all starts to make sense. Children need to trust their parents, believe that their parents are good. But day in and day out, Vivian and I saw how Elias abused Janice, and I experienced how Meryl abused me. Even as small children we must have sensed that there was something wrong in the way they touched us. But we couldn’t accept that. We had to find the way to justify what our parents did in order to keep our belief that they were good, they loved us, and we could trust them. However, at some point we must have realized that fathers elsewhere did not touch the vaginas of their daughters, and those who did were criminals and were sent to jail. Of course, the idea that our own parents were criminals who deserved to be in jail was completely out of the question. So how could we keep our belief that Elias and Meryl were good when they constantly abused us, when they did what criminals do?
A very difficult question, but we found the perfect answer: Let’s make it a game. If Elias touched Janice’s vagina and nobody else did anything similar, that was worrying. But if Vivian and I did the same Elias did, or at least something very similar, and we laughed and thought it was funny, then everything was OK. The touching was just a funny family game and Elias was a very funny dad because he had started the game.
I can’t even remember how I started to touch Janice’s butt compulsively. I guess it’s one of many memories that I have repressed. I don’t remember that Vivian or I ever touched Janice’s vagina. If we did, we must have realized soon that for some reason that was not acceptable, that our way of “playing” had to be about touching her butt, not her vagina. A meaningless difference from the point of view of a child, and a very convenient way of avoiding trouble from the point of view of an adult. If other adults saw Vivian and I touching Janice’s vagina like Elias did, Elias and Meryl would have found themselves in trouble very quickly. But if other adults saw us do almost the same, namely, touching her butt, then we were just children playing in a slightly weird way with their younger sister.
Looks like turning Janice into a toy, a teddy pig, was an essential part of the game. Touching a girl like Elias did was a monstrosity, everybody knew that. But there are no rules about how to touch a teddy pig, you can stroke them and touch them any way you want. There’s nothing wrong in touching the “vagina” of a teddy pig because teddy pigs don’t have a vagina to start with. Elias putting his hand on the very real vagina of Janice, the girl, was a criminal. However, Elias putting his hand on the nonexistent vagina of Janice, the teddy pig, was just a lovely father playing silly games.
It must have been very important for us to keep alive the idea that with Janice everything was a game, for it lasted many years. When I was about twelve (and Janice was about ten) she started to obsess about a car bumping us and killing us. I was not worried about that, but Janice was so worried that she offered me a deal: She would let me touch her butt all the times I wanted if I promised to use always the pedestrian passes to cross the roads. I didn’t accept the deal. For some reason, if Janice allowed me to touch her butt, the “game” was not “fun” anymore. For years I’ve felt guilty remembering that day. But I think I’m starting to understand: Janice’s role in the game was to “pretend” she didn’t like it. When Elias touched her vagina, Janice clearly showed her discomfort. But that discomfort couldn’t be real because Elias was good, it was impossible he did anything wrong to Janice, so Janice’s discomfort must have been fake, it must have been a part of the game, like everything else. So that was Janice’s role in our lovely game: To pretend she didn’t like it. Therefore, it didn’t make sense that Janice “allowed me” to touch her butt. She had to keep pretending she didn’t want it. If she allowed me to do it, the game was over.
This lovely game still lasted a few more years. As with everything related with the crimes of Elias and Meryl, my memories are vague, but I think I stopped touching Janice’s butt soon after she proposed her “deal”. But we still kept calling her Pig for a few more years. Actually, I remember the last time we did it. I was sixteen or seventeen and Vivian and I were with Thomas, Vivian’s friend. We were laughing and having a good time, and we decided to confide to Thomas that we had a pig. But Thomas didn’t think it was funny to call our fifteen year old sister Pig. And then it dawned on me: Calling our sister Pig was something we had been doing all our lives in secret . That was the first time we had told about it to someone who didn’t belong to our family. And the reason Thomas didn’t think it was funny was that… It wasn’t funny at all! A few days later I told Vivian in private that it was not right to keep calling Janice Pig, that she was already “too old for that”. I think that was the only time in her life that Vivian did what I asked her to do.
Since then nobody called Janice Pig again, and, with a couple of exceptions, nobody mentioned the topic again.
Last edited by a moderator: Nov 20, 2018
I understand Alonso. I've been trying to figure out my own families dynamics for decades. I'm sorry for "Janice" and feel more like her in my own family, with the exception of the physical parts.
I feel sorry for Janice, I feel sorry for myself. I'm sorry your parents groomed their children for that horrid game. I think from what I've read in many stories and studied, that groomed children do make up justifications. The clinical studies have shown me the answers, and the hope to get better.
Your revelations are good toward finding where to look at the parts of you to work on. That's going to be more difficult for you without a therapist, but there are some things you can do.
What do you think about that grooming, what do you feel? There's parental betrayal and a poor guide to learn socializing. Both I'm familiar with.
How are you doing?
That pic is about 11+ yrs old, would have been my 1st step dad and my mom's wedding day.
Why I chose Ceremony
I think from what I've read in many stories and studied, that groomed children do make up justifications.
Last edited by a moderator: Nov 11, 2018
I'm not doing well. Last month I had a very sad experience. I met a wonderful woman, and I might even have fallen in love with her, but I refused to have sex with her, like I always do, because I'm always scared of sex, and now she doesn't even want to talk to me. But that's a different story, it deserves its own thread. Thank you for asking.
A friend is one with whom I can pour out my heart, chaff and grain together, knowing that gentle hands will sift it, connect with me with care, support what is healthy, and with a breath of kindness, blow away the rest. Thanks for being friends, guys (Inspired by Dinah Craik).
Very sad story. I think that it's good that you recognized that it was not normal. Without comparing your family experience it is hard to know what is right.,
Apropos of your meeting a nice woman, I think to be fair to yourself, you don't know what's normal in some ways, is that possible? It's hard though because it often feels like you have to be really careful being friends with women.,I dunno.
Apropos of your meeting a nice woman, I think to be fair to yourself, you don't know what's normal in some ways, is that possible?
I mean that if you had only realized by sixteen that your actions towards your sister were wrong, and that thus the conduct of others towards you were wrong, then it would I suppose enormously shake your confidence in being able to be intimate with a woman.
I think I stopped the butt touching when I was 12, but my memories of much of my childhood are blurred or just missing altogether, so I'm not sure about the age. I don't remember having actually taken a decision to stop doing it, I don't even remember if I realized back then that the touching was wrong.
Just after I turned 13 I tried to commit suicide. As a result I was physically disabled for four or five months. During that time I know for sure that I didn't do any butt touching b
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