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"'Do kids have to be dressed when they’re outside?' my daughter asks me. I told her it’s a bit complicated."
By Tara-Michelle Ziniuk
June 26, 2015
Anna takes a dip in the wading pool. Photo: Tara-Michelle Ziniuk
Yesterday was a particularly windy day in Toronto. After picking up my four-year-old daughter, Anna, from school, we went down to the lake to have a picnic together. Walking across the bridge to the lake involved a frustrating balancing act of picnic supplies, sand toys, her backpack and my purse—all while holding my dress down in the wind.
This dress-in-wind situation, which Anna noticed was testing my patience, led to a conversation about how adults need to be dressed in public. (Or how they usually do anyway. As we prepare for Pride this weekend—which Anna calls the “glitter party”—she recalls that public nudity happens on occasion and is celebrated within certain contexts.) “Do kids have to be dressed when they’re outside?” she asked me. I replied that kids usually do, but babies don’t have to. I told her it’s a bit complicated. Anna had a more specific question: “How about when I’m putting my bathing suit on at the park? Is that OK?”
Since the splash pads near us opened for the summer, I’ve noticed her uncertainty about changing in public. That hadn’t been an issue in years past. I have mixed feelings about having her change in the park. Mostly, I think it’s fine—or should be—but I also worry about judgment from other parents , and I worry that it may not be entirely safe. I do it because I don’t want to shame my daughter about her body or about nudity in general. I also do it for pragmatic reasons—I often keep a bathing suit or extra clothes with me in the summer because these activities often happen unplanned. Park bathrooms, for the most part, are disgusting at worst, wet at best—and it just makes more sense to change her quickly in the park.
I came across an article from CBC News . An eight-year-old girl from Guelph, Ont., was told to put a shirt on in the wading pool—a rule that doesn’t apply to boys and that her parents claim is sexist. I noticed it at first because Exhibition Park, the park and wading pool where the incident took place, is where Anna and I often go. (I used to live in Guelph, so we still spend time there.) It also seemed timely, given the conversation I’d just had with her last night.
I have mixed feelings about my daughter being topless in public (in a prolonged way, not just while changing clothes). I sometimes think about letting her go into the wading pool in just shorts, and I definitely allowed it during her baby and toddler years. I know that if we lived out in the country, I would be all for her being in various stages of undress outdoors and as often as she wanted (with precautions taken for sun protection , of course). But as it stands—living in the world we do, both the city and time—I worry about her safety.
With adults, I think the idea that women should cover up to avoid “provoking” men is both sexist and victim-blaming. I think the same applies to children, but it’s more complicated because kids aren’t giving informed consent. With kids, it’s up to their parents and caregivers. So, how do I keep my daughter safe and act in her best interest while actively trying to fight against these structures that put women and girls in danger?
I absolutely agree with these parents that being approached about their daughter being shirtless could cause her unnecessary embarrassment. And I believe this decision should be up to her parents. If, in fact, it’s a standing rule and the rules are visible and clear, the girl breaking the rules is less subjective—but the fairness of the rule still is.
In parts of Canada—and in Ontario, specifically—it’s legal for women to go topless . But, oddly enough, this rule doesn’t apply in public parks. Much of the legal precedent regarding women and toplessness, in fact, stems from a case that began, coincidentally, in Guelph. Nearly 25 years ago, a university student named Gwen Jacob was charged with indecency for going shirtless on a very hot day. She took her top off because of the heat, and also to make a statement about the double standard of men being able to go shirtless. The person who complained about her being topless was a local mom who was worried about her children seeing the young woman. Jacob ultimately won in court. There’s something jarring about reading this story now, a quarter-century later in the same relatively small town, where a girl’s right to be shirtless is called into question—this time, in the case of a child.
Admittedly, Anna isn’t eight yet. If asked right now, I think I would have reservations about her being shirtless in public at that age. These reservations aren’t political, though, and ultimately I wish it weren’t an issue. Ask me again in a few years, but for now I’m sticking with this: If kids aren’t hurting anyone, let their parents make their own decisions about their choices.
Tara-Michelle Ziniuk is a Toronto-based queer mom to a four-year-old. She started off as a single-mom-by-choice and now co-parents. You can read more of her posts here and follow her on Twitter @therealrealTMZ .
© Copyright 2022 St. Joseph Communications.
Nude beach flap in St. Lucie County after deputy ordered family with 5-year-old to leave | Gil Smart
Nude beach flap in St. Lucie County after deputy ordered family with 5-year-old to leave | Gil Smart
Gil Smart
| Treasure Coast Newspapers
Whenever the discussion turns to nudism — ahem — I recall an episode of the old "Bob Newhart Show" where Bob is to give a lecture at what turns out to be a nudist camp. The director — buck naked — is seated behind a desk in a big leather chair.
Bob asks: "Don't you stick to your chair?"
And speaking of sticky situations involving nudists (sorry!):
Last week, our newsroom got an interesting email from Kai Luckan of Tampa. He, his wife and their 5-year-old daughter were visiting St. Lucie County and decided to spend New Year's Day at Blind Creek Beach.
Which, if you didn't know, is a nude beach.
Well, not officially; the county has never formally designated Blind Creek Beach as a "clothing optional" beach and there are no county signs identifying it as such. Visitors and folks from the Treasure Coast Naturists have used the beach sans "textiles" since 2014.
They tout its "family-friendly" atmosphere. Which is to say, sometimes there are nude kids on the beach, along with their parents. It's never been a big deal.
It turned into one New Year's Day when Luckan said his family was approached by a St. Lucie County Sheriff's deputy who said he'd gotten a complaint about Luckan's daughter — and the family had to leave.
"He said it was an adult-only beach," said Luckan.
Luckan and his wife offered to cover up the girl. No dice; the deputy insisted they had to go.
Later, in talking to others who frequent the beach, Luckan learned there are often kids there.
"We consider the deputy's action as an embarrassing harassment in violation of our civil rights," said Luckan in his email. He said he might sue.
There will be no lawsuit after St. Lucie County officials conceded the deputy was wrong.
At Blind Creek Beach, said St. Lucie County Sheriff Ken Mascara, the mere presence of nude kids in proximity to nude adults isn't a crime unless it's accompanied by something else — like lewd and lascivious behavior.
"Of course, our duty is to protect the children in our community," said Mascara, "and our deputies err on the side of child welfare, whenever in doubt."
Nonetheless, "we are distributing additional training materials to our deputies to ensure a fun and safe day at the beach for all who enjoy it, in whatever manner they choose to do so," he said.
In fact, said Nelson Jones, president of the Treasure Coast Naturists, decorum is a big deal at Blind Creek Beach.
"We're hyper-aware of what is considered naturist etiquette," said Jones. Behavior guidelines are listed on the group's website. First and foremost, "Apply the golden rule. Your nude beach conduct should be the same as your textile world conduct."
No gawking. No photographing others without their permission, especially where kids are involved.
And, the website mentions this twice: "Public sexual activity is inappropriate and illegal."
"We’re aware of potential gawkers," said Jones. "We notice them; we curb it," he said.
The whole idea is the group is merely a bunch of law-abiding citizens who just like to shed those "textiles" every now and then.
I asked Luckan: Don't you get a little nervous letting your daughter run around nude in front of a bunch of strangers?
Not at all. He was born in Europe, where "naked children on the beach — at least 'til the age of 6 or so — is the standard situation."
"If there are people on the beach committing illegal activities, its the job of the Sheriff's Office to prevent or prosecute these," he said. "But its not the solution to kick — as a precaution — the 'potential victim' off the beach."
Yet I can't shake the notion that where you have a beach with naked kids, you're not only going to attract those who want to live freely and practice body acceptance — but also those who come to see the show.
Child porn is illegal; images of naked children on a computer can get you sent to jail, and rightfully so.
Yet one can go to a "family-friendly" nude beach and get an eyeful of the exact same thing.
Unless you make a spectacle of yourself, law enforcement can't lay a glove on you.
That creeps me out, sorry. I get why the deputy did what he did, even if he was wrong to do it.
Understand what I'm NOT saying: That the naturists are doing anything wrong, or that law enforcement should be keeping "potential victims" off the beach.
To me, letting your kid wander around naked in front of a bunch of people you don't know seems a tad ... unwise.
In this day and age, I'd rather be too paranoid than not paranoid enough.
Gil Smart is a TCPalm columnist and a member of the Editorial Board. His columns reflect his opinion. Readers may reach him at gil.smart@tcpalm.com, by phone at 772-223-4741 or via Twitter at @TCPalmGilSmart.
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Venice Beach was flooded with topless women—and men with cameras—on Sunday as protesters came together for Go Topless Day 2016.The goal of the gathering was to shed light on the double ...
14-year-olds go topless while parents are away
PUBLISHED: July 21, 2005 at 8:03 a.m. | UPDATED: August 17, 2016 at 7:55 a.m.
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Dear Amy: Saturday night my husband and I went out for dinner. When we came home around 9:30, my daughter had some friends over.
I found out that while we were gone my daughter and her friends all had their bathing suit tops off. Eight kids were at our house — three boys and the rest were girls.
My daughter and her friends are 14 and 15.
I have a rule that boys cannot be over when I am no ...
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