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Jill Hamilton
Jill Hamilton is a contributor for Cosmopolitan.com and writes the blog In Bed With Married Women.
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Got your mouth next to someone's junk and not sure what to do next? It happens. But fear not, we so gotchu. Behold these ideas for you (or an orally challenged partner ) on literally everything you need to know about going down on a woman . If it's a penis in your face, here are some stellar blow job tips . If you don't want to swallow, here are some ways to keep errant spermatozoa out of your mouth . If you want to go deeper with a blow job, check out these 3 women getting super honest about deep throating . And what if your have a partner who is willing but maybe not super able (yet!)? Try these ways to get what you want out of oral sex , like tip number three: “Have them watch you masturbate so you can show them what works for you and boom, now they have a map of what works.”) If yeah, you did all that, but NOW WHAT? Try using your nose, says sexologist Shamyra Howard, LCSW, aka Sexologist Shamyra at On the Green Couch . “I know we're talking about oral sex, but using your nose to stimulate the genitals and other areas of the body while giving oral sex will drive your partner wild,” says Howard. “The tip of the nose provides irresistible sensations; especially to the clitoris. Give your partner a nose job, they'll beg for more.” Apparently, the nose knows. And if you require morrrrrrre, here even more on all the things oral sex . All set? Get on down there.
Help control exactly how much intensity you want by straddling your partner and pressing your vulva against their mouth. It's kinda like face sitting but less of the sitting part. You can sort of rub against them or sort of angle yourself where you want and let them take over. Your partner has their hands free to squeeze your thighs and/or masturbate during bc you're so damn hot.
If you're having oral fatigue or just want to amp things up, pop on a wearable finger vibe. If a vulva is involved, try pressing it on one side of the clit while licking the other side. With a penis, try pressing it on the bottom side of the shaft, just under the head or against their 'taint.
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Something about standing oral just feels more must-have-you-now intense. Tease them a little first by kneeling down and mouthing the outside of their underwear, breathing your warm breath onto them, and kissing and sucking them through the fabric. Keep it up until they beg you to remove them.
Make a penis happy by using your mouth and hand together, seven strokes up and then one glorious one down. For a vulva, switch between an intense move (deep sucking, shaking your head back and forth, rapid tongue flicks) then a few long languorous licks up their entire vulva. When incoherent moaning occurs, you’re hit the right ratio.
Restraints are great for people who have trouble getting out of their heads. Try having one person lying back with their wrists bound behind their knees. The position and the binding kind of forces vulnerability and really focuses attention on the sensations happening.
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If you don’t have a partner around, you can mimic the sensations of oral sex by your own damn self. Try a toy like a Womanizer—the toy we never knew we absolutely needed—for gentle clit suckery. Or get down with an Ora, which has a vibrator and a little round ball that rolls around your clit in a kind of infuriatingly delightful way. Choose a pattern, lie back, and allow the ravishment.
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Since oral is impossible to pull off underwater, lie back on a towel with your hips at the edge of the tub. Spread your legs, letting your feet dangle in the water, and appreciate what your partner can do with their mouth. If they’re happy soaking among the warm jets, they can stay down below for a bit longer. Win-win for everyone.
This is a great position not only for cunnilingus but for a rim job as well. Get yourselves showered up, then the receiver lies back with their knees bent up toward their chest. “This position still gives the giving partner easy access to the receiver’s breasts and clitoris—or with a male butt, access to the penis and testicles—for stimulation fun,” says Kenneth Play , sex coach and genius of sex hacks. “If you want to use a barrier for your rimming but don’t have a dental dam handy, a quick sex hack is to grab some plastic wrap to use instead.”
Another A+ rim job pose, “it can be a really hot introduction to take a shower together and start practicing some rimming while you’re in there,” says Erika Lust , feminist erotic filmmaker and all-around badass. “For beginners, I recommend doing a simple standing position. The receiver can stand up, holding on to the wall if they need to, and the other person can crouch down behind them. I recommend this for people who feel self-conscious or worry that it’s not hygienic or clean.”
If your partner is all into Mistress of the Dungeon stuff, you could have a “take charge” session where you sit them in a chair, blindfold them, and tell them you’re in control for the night, not letting them orgasm till you say it’s okay. Next time, it’s your fantasy.
If you’ve got a dominant partner, they will looooove straddling you as you stroke and suck their beloved penis that is jutting out right there in front of your face. Try using both hands, twisting your way up and down their shaft and licking the area around their head.
If oral sex is uncomfortable, try rolling over onto your side. “This position is awesome for people with spasticity in their hips, which can make it hard to spread your legs apart for oral sex. It still gives your partner good access without you having to be in a position that hurts you,” says Eva Sweeney, who teaches about sex and disability at Cripping Up Sex With Eva .
Let’s talk safety for a sec! Dental dams —rectangles of protective plastic placed over your vulva during oral sex to protect mouth from genitals and vice versa—have a side benefit that lets you go a little dirtier. The receiver gets on all fours, giver gets behind, drapes the dam over the vulva and bum hole and commences licking. It’s good, close access without the whole butt-in-the-face aspect. And if you want to experiment with a little rimming , well, the dental dam is like a disposable toilet-seat cover, letting you make some contact without full-on touching.
When they’re close to having an orgasm (signs: ragged breathing, balls tightening toward their body, or the traditional “Oh god, I’m gonna come”), stop briefly and/or gently tug downward on their balls to cool them down. Repeat your torturous edging till they beg. Press a finger or vibrator firmly against their taint as they’re about to come and behold the results.
Have your partner create a little suction with their mouth over your clit and labia, then shake their head side to side, in circles, fast or slow. This mimics the way a lot of us touch ourselves and will get you there quite well. Elevate your bum on some pillows to give them easy access.
Take a seat while your partner places two fingers on either side of your clit and makes a little scissor motion while gently licking or sucking the tip of your clitoris. “It kind of isolates the clitoris from the rest of the body and really pinpoints that pleasure,” says sex therapist Susan Block.
Go for the feel of deep throating without the gagging part by lubing up your hand to take that part of his shaft you can’t handle. Stroke in harmony with your mouth or work them in opposite directions. Look up into your partner’s eyes and moan if you’re feeling it to cause further wreckage.
Have your partner stand while you kneel in front of them. Hold the base of their penis with both hands, take them in your mouth, and tilt your head slowly from side to side as you work your way up and down their shaft.
The key to face-sitting is not actually sitting on their face unless you want to literally have a killer vagina. Straddle their head and give yourself a light thigh workout, holding yourself a couple inches above their face while they go down on you. They can reach up and hold on to your butt and hips, because who doesn’t like grabbing a butt?
Not only is this a totally hot oral position that puts you in control of the angle and pressure, it’s also a good segue into the world of anilingus, if that’s something you’re into.
Have your partner lie upside down on the couch, with their back and head on the seat and their legs draped over the back. Kneel over their face, facing the back of the couch. Then bend over and 69 away. Much more relaxing than an awkward, limb-flailing 69 in bed, isn’t it?
Sit on the edge of the bed and lie back with your legs draped over the edge. When they kneel between your legs, their head will be angled down toward your vagina, giving them direct access to your clitoris. This one also leaves their hands free to play with your nipples or finger you for double pleasure.
Try this position if you have trouble staying in the mindset to come. Lie back on the edge of the bed and grab your thighs, holding your legs out in a V shape. (Not-so-flexible version: Bend them at the knee.) Have your partner go down on you, using their hands to lightly massage your inner thighs, bringing more blood to your ~*~VuLvA~*~. The massage also helps keep you in the moment so your orgasm is scream-inducing.
Women may have one side of their vulva that’s more sensitive than the other, so choose which leg you’ll hold up wisely, letting the other one dangle over the edge of the bed. They can lick figure eights up and down the exposed side of your vulva until you spontaneously bust out in Mariah Carey’s “Hero.”
Lie on your sides facing each other, then slide down until their penis is, well, in your face. Call it the lazy blow job. Because no one is worth killing your knees or getting a major neck cramp.
Blow jobs don’t normally provide much of a view, but this position gives your partner a full, stunning vista of your hot body. Lie on your back on the bed with your head hanging off the edge. Have them stand behind you and lean forward so you can take their penis in your hands and mouth while upside down. Bonus: They’re also in prime position to finger your nipples or clit while you go down (up?) on them.
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