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10 Common Sexual Fetishes and Kinks That Turn People On




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Sexual desire is something that often gets discussed in frustratingly vague terms.
When sex education classes talk about sex, the physiological or biological mechanics are covered, not the psychological aspect. We often see characters in movies, TV and books act out of lust, but their motivations are often explained away as love, or kept opaque.
Rarely does anyone discuss what it is that arouses them, or why it makes them feel such a way.
To a degree, that is understandable — it can be hard enough to understand how your own arousal works, let alone to feel confident enough to discuss it — but the result of that leaves so many people reaching adulthood without ever having received solid information about sexual desire.
Maybe they were told that their desires, whatever they are, were dirty or bad when they were younger. Maybe they just got the impression that it was easier to ignore sexual desire than to open up about it or confront the reality of it head-on.
But what if people came to realize that their desires were actually much more common than they thought? What if people were given permission to feel OK about the things that aroused them, even if they weren’t considered perfectly mainstream?
To get a sense of what it is that arouses people, we spoke to eight different sex experts about the most common fetishes, fantasies and kinks that get people aroused — so keep reading to find out if your biggest turn-ons are listed below.
A fetish or kink is a sexual desire or fantasy that you have that’s specific. It’s not shared by most people, and not related to physical pleasure as much as it is a reflection of what you think is sexy. That being said, even if a given fetish isn’t something the majority of people are into, it can still be quite popular. 
If you have a fetish, there’s not necessarily any way of knowing why, but it’s typically something that you don’t intentionally choose to find arousing. Rather, it’s something you start to find arousing involuntarily or even despite your best efforts not to. 
“[Fetishes] can come from and develop from anything,” says sex educator Marla Stewart . “A lot of time, we can trace these developments through childhood and the teenage years.”
While it can feel scary to develop strong feelings you have no real control over, having a fetish isn’t a bad thing. Not only shouldn’t you feel guilty or ashamed, you’re definitely far from alone.
“Most people are turned on by something that would be considered a fetish or kink,” says Dr. Jason Winters, founder and director of the West Coast Centre for Sex Therapy . “Research has shown that if you add together all the kinks and fetishes, the majority of people (approximately two thirds) are at least a little freaky. Some fetishes are very common, such as a preference for submission and domination. Others are very rare, for example a sexual interest in mechanical objects. When it comes to sexual interests, the only real limit is the imagination.”
One way to deal with the feelings that can arise from having a fetish is to talk to other people who experience a desire for similar things. 
By using the internet, Stewart says you can “find a community and talk about the desire with folks who have the same desires.”
However, if you’re concerned about talking to strangers online about your desires (a potentially bad idea if you’re not an adult yet), it might feel safer to discuss them with a romantic partner, like a boyfriend or girlfriend. 
“In general, you have to understand what is arousing about the scenarios for you specifically,” says sex educator Kenneth Play . “Describing what's arousing for you about the fetish helps your partner understand it better. There's always going to be a risk to being vulnerable and sharing a sexual fantasy with a partner, because you aren't sure how it's going to be received. This, though, is exactly why it's so important to start with a foundation of building a sex-positive culture of communication in your relationship.”
And if your partner doesn’t feel the same way as you do about sex, it’s not necessarily the end of the world. 
“Your partner may not be interested,” warns Winters. “If that's the case, you have a few options. You can accept that you'll never scratch that itch with that person, and focus on other types of satisfying sex. Alternatively, you could try to negotiate other ways of meeting that sexual need without your partner. And finally, you may have to make the hard decision to leave the relationship, if kinky sex is non-negotiable for you.”
While some people will try to tell others that any sexual desire is wrong or proof of a person’s poor character, everyone experiences desire differently, and your fetishes or kinks don’t make you a bad person. 
“Sexuality isn't the same from person to person, and what turns everyone on isn't either,” says Mackenzie Riel of adult novelty and romance retailer TooTimid.com . “What matters is developing a trusting and comfortable environment within your relationship to practice these sorts of things. Consent is the most important part of going forward with any sexual act.”
Winters agrees that building trust with your romantic and/or sexual partners is incredibly important — as this can mean you get a lot of support, rather than judgment or criticism, when it comes to exploring your sexual fantasies. 
“In my practice, I've yet to encounter a partner who responded poorly to the other partner introducing a kink into their sex lives, and these aren't your garden-variety fetishes,” he says. “People generally are quite accepting, if you give them the chance. It might take a few conversations, and a little time for them to become comfortable, but the majority of people will likely come around and many will end up finding the kinky experiences enjoyable.”
So what are the most common forms of kinky sexual desire? 
Of course, there’s no way to know with 100 percent accuracy, but it is possible to get an idea of what is more and less acted on most. Some studies have been done, and sex experts can speak to their experiences talking to people about desire to get a picture of what’s more popular. 
We scoured a number of different sources to put together a list of 10 common areas that come up over and over again when discussing people’s fetishes. 
Includes: Feet worship, footjobs, sexualizing shoes, nylons, stockings
When people think about sexual body parts, they often discuss the erogenous zones or the genitalia — penises, vaginas, breasts and nipples, even butts. But for many people, feet are one of the sexiest parts of the human body despite playing no obvious role in traditional sex. 
“I can say without a doubt that foot fetish is by far the most popular and pervasive in the kinky culture community,” says Coleen Singer, a BDSM/fetish expert for Wasteland.com , noting that “there are literally thousands of members and forums dedicated to everything from foot worship to nylons and footjobs” on fetish sites like fetlife.com .
It’s not only a very common one, it’s also a relatively well-known one — meaning your partner might have heard about it before. 
“Although partners new to the kinky side of things might be taken aback by this with a new partner, usually this is a passing reaction and once the fetishist negotiates boundaries and activities, it generally can be integrated into their relationship,” says Singer. “The bonus is that the recipient often gets a nice foot massage or has their shoes polished and organized in their closet!”
“The degree of ways this can be brought into a relationship ranges from mild (massages, etc) to wild (trampling being the extreme variation),” says Singer. “Whatever the level, like with any fetish activity, it all starts out with clear communication and establishing boundaries and safewords to use for when the recipient needs it to stop for a breather.”
Lovehoney sexpert Annabelle Knight agrees that foot massages are a great way to incorporate foot fetishes into your sex life. 
“Everyone loves to feel pampered, especially if they’ve spent a long day on their feet,” she says. “Start off by bathing their feet in warm water. Once your lover’s feet have had a good soak, dry them off with a fluffy towel and move into giving them a heavenly foot-rub,” potentially with some massage oil to enhance the sensation. 
“If you both feel comfortable, you can move from massaging to kissing your partner’s feet, or perhaps sucking gently on their toes,” adds Knight. “If you aren’t ready to progress to that yet, why not keep things flirty and fun? You can use a feather tickler on the soles of your partner’s feet to keep the mood light and cheeky as you explore this fetish together.”
If your partner is game to up the ante, you could consider trying out things like footjobs , the act where one partner uses their feet to stroke the other’s penis, trampling and other foot fetish-friendly fun. 
While most foot fetish-related activities are unlikely to be dangerous, trampling — where one person walks on the other person while they’re lying down — can get tricky. 
“In general, foot fetish behavior is quite safe, with the major exception of trampling which, if not done correctly and carefully, can cause physical injury to the submissive receiving it,” says Singer. “General rules to keep it safe include trampling in bare feet only, and that the trampler has some sort of stationary physical support (such as the edge of a kitchen counter) to be able to control the amount of body weight being applied.”
Includes: Spanking, hitting, tickling, pinching, shocking, hot wax, ice cubes
So much of sex is about physical sensation — the intimacy of kissing, the touch of your lover’s hands on your skin, the friction of private parts rubbing against each other — but for some people, pleasant sensations are only half the puzzle.
If you’re into impact and/or sensation play, you’ll love more intense and possibly even painful sensations, too. That can include things like being smacked or spanked , having your nipples pinched, having hot wax poured on you or simply being tickled. 
While some aspects of sensation play, like erotic electo-shock, are relatively rare, basic impact play like spanking and biting are much more common, particularly for people or couples who have any BDSM leanings. 
“Sensation play plays a major part for those who love BDSM,” says Knight. “It is common to experiment with sensation play on your own and at your own pace, or with the help of a partner.”
Beyond your partner’s specific tastes, it really depends on what sensation in particular turns you on. If you’re aroused by a little spanking during penetrative sex, that’s unlikely to raise many eyebrows. 
However, some partners might balk at the idea of hitting or being hit in the face, and nipple pinching with your fingers might be easier to swallow than using full-on nipple clamps. 
“Depending on if your partner is also interested and/or comfortable with BDSM, they may be more open to the idea of impact of sensation play,” explains Knight. “If BDSM is something they haven’t tried before, be sure to talk this through with your partner and take it slow to ensure they're completely comfortable with introducing sensation play to the bedroom.”
Taking it slow and building up to more intense things is a better bet for success than asking someone with no experience to hit you in the face. Kayla Lords, a sexpert for JackAndJillAdult.com and the founder of LovingBDSM.net , points out that sensation and impact play don’t have to be outright painful. 
“It can be a little uncomfortable, or it may be warm and sensual,” she says. “What someone feels is tied to how intense you (or a partner) make the sensation for the other.”
As for impact play, it doesn’t begin and end with your hands. 
“If you’re looking for more impact play options, try out paddles or whips,” suggests Knight. “Most paddles are made from leather, which is much softer against the skin than wood and provides an audible ‘thwack’ that accentuates the experience of being paddled or spanked for both partners. On the other hand, a whip has a singular surface with which one can hit another person to inflict pain. They come in a variety of different shapes, sizes and styles.”
As sensation play often involves one partner asking the other to hurt them or cause some form of discomfort, it can be dangerous if not done properly. 
“Making sure that you and your partner are safe and comfortable during any activity, specifically hot wax play, is of utmost importance and will make sure that no one ends up burned or scalded,” says Knight. “Also, don’t use ordinary candles! Regular candles have a high melting point for safety and these will burn or scald the skin.”
A good practice for this involves testing things on yourself before inflicting them on a partner. 
“Never, ever, ever hit, drop hot wax or use anything on your partner until you’ve practiced and/or tried it out on yourself, notes Lords. “A common technique for those into impact play is to smack their forearm or thigh with a paddle first. If they’re satisfied with the impact (and weight of the paddle), then they may test it on their partner — a test only, not a full blown spanking. This gives your partner the information they need to know whether they consent or not.”
Includes: Acting out scenarios, ageplay, raceplay, consensual non-consent, power dynamics
Do you think it’s hot to imagine a student seducing a teacher? Would you ever want to pretend you and your long-term partner were lovers having a secret affair? Could you see yourself donning a doctor’s uniform and performing an “exam” on your significant other? 
If so, you’re probably into role playing . 
If you think playing dress-up or make-believe goes away once you grow up, think again. Some variety of roleplay is a pretty common fantasy, according to Riel. 
“Roleplay is a much more accepted kink, especially with the growing variety of lingerie and costumes out there to explore,” she says. 
As a result of it being relatively common, finding role play erotic in and of itself is unlikely to raise many eyebrows. However, it depends on what kind of role-play scenes you want to engage in with your partner. 
“Roleplay is a creative and experimental kind of sexual experience that can be fun for both partners,” notes Riel. But if you’re most into a particular kind of role play that your partner finds uninteresting or even shocking, fully exploring it together might not be an option. 
“Try to look into scenarios that would turn you on and run the ideas by your partner,” says Riel. “Being outward and honest about it is the best way to get your partner to want to practice it with you. If you already have an idea of what you want to do, map out how you want to do it and what your partner will have to do in the scenario. When you talk to them, bring it up like a proposal.”
Once you have a scene in mind that you both like the sound of, don’t rush into it.
“Talk about it, talk about it, talk about it,” says Lords. “What do you envision happening in this scene? What turns you on and what turns you off?”
This can include things like what to do if your conversation hits a snag, how elaborate your costumes will be (if you’ll have any at all), how long you want to stay in character before things turn explicitly sexual and so forth. 
If the role playing is primarily your idea, make sure you don’t get caught up in your excitement and ignore your partner’s comfort levels. 
“You need to hear how your partner feels about the scene,” notes Lords. “You want to avoid things that actively make them cringe or take them out of the scene. You can use costumes and gear if it helps you get into the mindset, or you can use nothing but your words and your body. People tend to overcomplicate role play, but much of the action is in the mind before you ever do anything physical.”
Another potential negative outcome of role play involves boundaries of consent being pushed, also known as consensual non-consent (CNC) or rape play. While some partners might be into this kind of dynamic, opting for the use of a safe word, many people will not. 
“Rape play is controversial, and for good reason,” says Riel. “Before you bring it up specifics like this, see if there is even an interest in roleplay-type sex, at all. It can be off-putting at first to hear that a person wants to experiment with power dynamics and rape play, but if you establish boundaries and promise safety, it will give your partner more trust in you to try it.”
Includes: Domination/submission, power dynamics, punishment, humiliation
If what gets you going involves being either in control or being controlled, you’re likely into psychological play, most commonly expressed through domination and submission (the D and S in BDSM). 
Sex and its relation to power is a pretty broadly understood concept. In fact, much of role play centers implicitly or explicitly on power dynamics, but domination and submission can still be incorporated without ever pretending to be someone else. 
“As a broad definition, ‘psychological play’ is often more common than we realize, but the degree of the fetish varies wildly,” says Lords. “Power play (whether as a dominant or submissive, doling out ‘punishment’ in the form of spankings, or using dirty talk and kinky scenes as a ‘humiliation’ fetish) is not new or uncommon. In the bedroom, you can let go of the control and power that you have to carry with you in your day-to-day life, or you can finally have the power and control you crave that you may not get from your daily life.”
If this kind of thing is what gets your heart racing, there’s a good chance it won’t shock your partner. 
“Today’s ‘average partner’ has likely at least heard of ‘ 50 Shades of Grey ,’ so some of this may not come as a surprise,” says Lords. “But that doesn’t mean everyone is immediately comfortable with it.”
She notes that some of the aspects of psychological play — hitting, insulting or making demands — may seem deeply unpleasant to some people. That being said, if you’re willing to start with less intense versions, your partner might be able to get comfortable with the idea over time. 
“All fetish and kink requires a certain amount of getting over whatever societal hang-ups or cultural teachings you’ve experienced, but D/s seems to be the most beginner-friendly — one person is in charge, and one person isn’t,” she adds.
You might already be using it, at least to a degree, without even realizing it. 
“If you’ve ever had the urge to ‘let your partner do what they want with you’ during sex or the urge to ‘take control’ and find that hot, you’re already considering or playing with power dynamics,” says Lords.
Particularly in penetrative sex , the person doing the penetrating is often cast as the dominant partner, making the person being penetrated as the submissive. That doesn’t need to be the case, but if that dynamic feels right to you, you can continue to explore it by slowly tweaking the sex you’re already having. 
“When adding an element of power into your sex, it’s always best to start small, move slowly and do a lot of communication,” advises Lords. “You need to talk about what you’re into before you try it, and then check-in in the middle of it. Depending on how power dynam
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