Too Much Porn

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7 BIG Signs You're Watching Waaay Too Much Porn
Article written by By Yvonne K. Fulbright, PhD
Is porn an innocent pastime or an international obsession? According to an Extreme Tech report, 30 percent of all internet traffic involves browsers visiting pornographic websites. With the largest and most popular adult porn site getting 4.4 billion page views per month, singles and couples are spending a lot of time in the world of triple X.
Add to this the fact that, while a typical news site has an average visit of three to six minutes, the average amount of time spent on a porn site is 15 to 20 minutes, and this has people asking: How much is "too much" porn? 
Regardless of how much time is devoted to XXX activities, individuals and couples may indulge in porn for a number of the same reasons. Among the more positive incentives are: enhancing masturbation, spicing up one's sex life, sharing intimate moments and stress relief.
Reasons that can be cause for concern include accessing porn when you're in a committed, but sexless relationship, or turning to porn because you're unable to become intimately involved with another human.
With therapists reporting an increased number of clients presenting porn-related problems (case in point: 50 percent of the divorce cases for 2002 involved porn), the impact of porn has been raising more and more concern. Professionals and lay people alike want to know if there is such a thing as too much porn. If so, what are some of the signs that you or your partner are too into it?
Some indicators that a porn habit is becoming problematic include the following:
You'd rather lose yourself in porn than be out socializing and meeting other people. You're excusing yourself from all sorts of activities or are becoming known for unexplained absences. Even if you do manage to get out with humans, you find yourself preoccupied with the porn the second you get home. During family and couple obligations, you find yourself concocting strategies for leaving as soon as possible.
2. You have an inability to be intimate with others.
You're becoming increasingly aware that porn is taking precedence over your desire and abilities to develop or cultivate a relationship with another. You're spending more time with pornography than socializing with and meeting other people. Overall, your porn obsession is starting to cause family, work, legal, and/or spiritual problems, especially as you're having more trouble accounting for your time.
While you were once open with your lover, you can now describe your interactions as ones defined by secrecy and dishonesty in trying to hide your passion for porn. Like the other 70 percent of people who keep their porn use a secret, you're going to great lengths to cover your tracks.
When questioned about your absences, activities or porn use and curiosities, you're willing to do and say anything as not to fess up and risk losing this now major part of your life.
4. You're only getting turned on to porn stars.
As your obsession with fantasy characters grows, you're finding it hard to get turned on to real people, at least beyond wondering what he'd look like naked or how good she'd look in a sexual position or act. If you're involved, you no longer consider your partner attractive — at least not sexually.
In fact, you think that there's something "wrong" with your partner for not looking or acting like a porn star. A major consequence: you're avoiding or are totally uninterested in having sex with your partner, and are not nearly as physically affectionate as you once were.
5. You're becoming increasingly critical of yourself.
You've become fixated on how you compare to porn stars. Are you as well hung? Are your breasts as big? Are you, generally, as attractive? You're objectifying yourself and others. In sizing yourself up against fantasy characters, you're making yourself miserable and sexually insecure in the process.
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6. You have an inability to find anything outside of porn erotic.
Your sexual response and desire cannot be activated unless you're using porn, to the point that you may even be having problems reaching orgasm or attaining erection. When you do have sex, you may be rougher or more demanding, and/or using more degrading language than what is the norm for you.
Other factors that used to have you feeling ravenous, including romance and emotional closeness, don't elicit any kind of reaction from you. Frustrated, you'd rather lose yourself in porn than work on becoming present with and aroused by your partner or a non-pornographic stimulus.
7. You're dissatisfied with your sex life.
With your expectations around sex, lovers, and intimacy now warped, you're bored with your own reality. You need more and more stimulation to get sexually excited and experience any kind of release. You're preoccupied with porn and are emotionally distant with your lover. Your sole interest is anything that resembles pornography and its stars.
Even if none or most of these signs of "too much" porn use don't ring true for you, you may want to consider consulting a certified sex therapist or counselor if:
In assessing the situation, keep in mind that you can't put too much weight on any one factor. The cause for a sexual disorder, for example, can be due to a host of factors that have nothing to do with your porn use. You need to look at the bigger picture, including the label of "sex pervert" that society often puts on porn enthusiasts.
You may not have a problem or be consuming too much porn, but other people's issues with such erotica can be influencing how you view this form of erotica, whether as an occasional indulgence or hobby. "Too much" is ultimately very individual, with some people having no problems handling such materials at all. 
This article was originally published at Sinclair Institute . Reprinted with permission from the author.
© 2021 by Tango Media Corporation
All Rights Reserved.

By Dominick Quartuccio, Co-Host, The Great Man Within Podcast
“How do I know if I’m watching too much porn?”
It’s the #1 question that I—a former sex addict who subsequently took 4 years of celibacy off of porn (as well as masturbation, mind you)—get from men who are starting to do an honest inventory of their sexual behaviors.
Over the 7 years I’ve been getting this question, it’s dawned on me that I haven’t met a guy who’s not watching enough porn. (If you are out there, sir, identify yourself!)
But alas, this is not a porn shaming conversation. Quite the opposite. Instead, I come to you with the intent of helping you develop a healthy, conscious, and intentional relationship with porn, just like I did. Hey, if a former sex addict could do it, so can you. 
I’m a believer that porn—when incorporated in a conscious, intentional, and ethical way—can bring excitement, novelty and dynamism to your relationship with your own sexuality (as well as your interpersonal love life). The problem is that most guys consume porn the way subway rats scavenge for crumbs: indiscriminately. 
Over years and decades of indiscriminate porn use, you will inevitably build some bad, secretive, and potentially even shameful habits. Those typically show up in a variety of ways. Here are 5 of the most common signs you’re watching too much porn:
You fantasize about porn while having sex. 
Scenes pop into your head while you’re in the act. 
You can’t get aroused or finish without it. 
You’re disengaged from your partner because you’re caught up in the fantasy.
You may have even stopped pursuing sex, because porn is easier and always available 
You feel shame afterwards (or yucky, regretful or empty)
You make a half-hearted promise not to go there “next time.”
Yet “next time” comes, and you’re back watching the same porn that feels conflicting to you.
You don’t know why you can’t break the pattern.  
You’re watching increasingly more extreme porn 
Think back 1 or 2 years ago…what worked for you then? 
How much more extreme does what you’re watching now need to be in order to get the same effect?
Real human bodies don’t “do it” for you anymore.
Your partner’s real body is unappealing to you…you need “porn bodies.”
You feel shame about your own body as compared to what you see in porn. 
Maybe you’ve wanted to put a pause on porn to focus on intimacy with your partner…but you can’t seem to hold on for very long.
Perhaps you make a commitment to stop but find yourself back in the trough again before you wanted to. 
These are indicators that porn is more deeply embedded into your patterned behavior than you’d want it to be. 
If any, or all, of these 5 signs apply to you, don’t fret. Awareness is always the first step to creating change. Here are some simple ways to break old patterns of behavior and establish new choices that feel good for you:
Take a temporary abstinence period from porn. Try a 7-day, 21-day or 30-day fast from porn. Chances are you’ll get really clear about when and why you reflexively dive into porn…once it’s temporarily not an option. 
Get clear on the relationship you desire to have with porn. As Yogi Berra said, “if you don’t know where you’re going, any road will take you there.” For example, here’s how I defined my relationship with porn:
“Porn is a choice, not a compulsion for me. I intend to use it a couple of times a month, or less. When I do choose to use porn, I will feel good about it afterwards. Meaning, the porn I watch is ethically-sourced (see suggestions of ethically sourced porn below) and is in alignment with the sex I want to be having in real life.”
Have an adult conversation with other men about their habits. Some guys are ready for this conversation, others aren’t. Go to the adults, and ask them a series of questions, such as:
What adjectives would you use to describe your porn habits?
Do you think you could stop using porn without suffering…and if so, for how long?
What would a healthy relationship with porn feel like for you?
If you want more honest, practical and real talk about porn, I encourage you to listen to my co-host Bryan and me on our podcast The Great Man Within. 
Here are a few relevant episodes where you can get started:
Lisa Ann, Backstage with the Top 10 Porn Star (what the porn industry doesn’t want you to know)
www.Lustery.com – homemade porn with consenting couples 
www.Bellesa.com – women choose the porn scenarios and partners 
Dominick Quartuccio is an author, international speaker and co-host of The Great Man Within Podcast. His books—Design Your Future and On Purpose Leadership—are field guides for those who wish to master the art of leading themselves and live a life of their own design. He runs the Great Man Mastermind, a collection of high-performing men living their purpose and fullest potential. Dominick spent four years in sex addicts anonymous recovery and now speaks to men about developing healthy sexuality. His work has been featured on NPR, the NY Times, and the TEDx stage.  
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