Toast to the lassies jokes

Toast to the lassies jokes
Lassie Jokes Lassie runs up to Farmer Fred *Bark!* What is it Lassie? *Bark! Bark bark!* What's that girl? Timmy fell down a well! *Bark! Bark bark woof!* Right! I'll say you were here with me the whole time.
Find humorous and witty speeches for the toast to the lassies at a Burns supper, a traditional Scottish event. Read poems, jokes, advice and stories about women, men and relationships.
Oct 3, 2025
Toast to the Lassies understand that the time-honored gentlemen's Toast to the Lassies should touch but LIGHTLY on the weaknesses of women. For Rabbie Burns himself says:
The Lassies have an undying love for so many things - clothes, jewelry, being right... but all jokes aside you Lassies have so much more of a capacity for love than us Laddies.
Toast to the Lassies by Carson C. Smith, FSA Scot Toast to the Lassies presented at the Burns Supper of the Scottish American Club of Indiana on Saturday, January 26, 2002.
Most important of all, gentlemen, it is my task on this special night to caress and cajole a few simple words into a meaningful tribute to those delectable, those desirable, those delightful creatures collectively called the lassies. Creatures in whom the elements are so delightfully compounded that their charms are irresistible.
A "Toast to the Lassies" is traditionally a roast, but if you stay in "roast mode" for 5 minutes, it gets awkward. You have to have some light and shade. If you are speaking in front of people, there is a chance to change how they think about something, and it's worth taking that opportunity. So I made sure to have a sincere element.
A funny speech by a man who tries to avoid embarrassing his wife and himself by making a short and sweet toast to the lassies. He shares some examples of how women speak a different language than men and how men should be careful not to say anything stupid.
Why, thank you dear Sir, For your generous toast. Us lassies know we are the best, But this is no time to boast. Instead, can I offer a response to you lads? Without you, boys, what would drive us mad?
The Toast to the Lassies is playful, affectionate but it also carries a deeper truth. Burns understood something timeless: society is strongest when women are recognised not as ornaments to history, but as authors of it.
Toast to the Lassies First, it is a great honor for me to give the Toast for the Lassies at this Burns Supper here in Passau, as ignorant as I am of most of the poems and lyrcis of Robert Burns, the Great Bard himself. If I am more qualified to toast the Lassies themselves well, history will tell.
The toast to the lassies is an essential part of any Burns' Supper. Even if you're no scholar of his work, our guide will help you deliver yours in style.
The toasts to the lassies and laddies can be an hilarious - often endearing, enlightening, and raucous - part of any traditional Burns Night. It's an element we skipped the first …
Toast to the Lassies - A witty, amusing speech delivered by a male guest that honours (and teases, affectionately) the fairer sex. Response to the Laddies - a cheeky response/rebuttal to the previous speech.
It is the lassies who inspire us, civilize us and give us a reason to be something other than rude, crude slobs. So let us be upstanding for a toast to the lassies, God bless them, and we thank them for putting up with us.
I remember the daunting feeling of not really knowing where to begin, so I thought I would dig out my speech and share it online should other lassies find themselves in a similar position. Traditionally, the 'Reply From The Lassies' is in response to the toast to the lassies from the laddies.
It is also worth a look at the Toast to the Lassies because many of the jokes can be substituted. There is also a Toast to the Lassies which could be used as a reply.
Humorous Toast to the Lassies with a Reply at a Robert Burns Dinner
Toast to the Lassies speech at a Burns Supper. A humorous look at gender differences and a focus here on replacing gender superiority with gender teamwork
My favorite speech to give at the Burns supper is the toast to the lassies. Listed below is the last "lassies speech" that I gave in 2004. I trust that the reader will understand the Lalands dialect which comes from the lowlands of Scotland and as explained in the speech is the language the poetry was written in by Robert Burns.
Robert Burns jokes and humour, alternative Scottish poems by W.D.Cocker, Ebenezer MacIlwham, Harold Stewart - the Gangril poet, a Toast to the Lassies in rhyme and others. Ideal content for Burns Suppers.
The Burns Night Speeches usually continue with a Toast to the Lassies This is a short speech given by a male guest, normally amusing, thanking women for preparing the food, extolling the virtues of women generally and ending in a toast which of course involves inbibing alcohol. The astute ones among you will have spotted the emergence of a theme.
I gave the toast to the lassies at a Burns Supper on Saturday and I decided to write my own speech. Generally if it is a formal occasion it should last around 5 minutes. My toast was on scottish women through the ages with plenty of jokes thrown in.
So it is my pleasure to take up the challenge of replying to Alan`s toast. And what a great speech it was: poetic, humorous , ironic and even in rhymes - there must be Robbie Burn`s blood in his veins. I'd like to thank him very much for being so lovely to us Lassies.
In contrast, I will quote only Burns tonight, along with one little snippet of Schubert, two short jokes, and Nicki Chisholm, who will reply to this Toast. As gentlemanly behavior dictates in these matters, I showed Nicki an advance copy of my speech.
Lassies Jokes The other night I overheard three very hefty women talking Their accent appeared to be Scottish, so I approached them and asked: "Hello, are you three lassies from Scotland?" One of them angrily screeched: "It's Wales, Wales you bloody idiot!" So I apologized and replied: "I am so sorry. Are you three whales from Scotland?" And ...
That wooing of the lassies inspired some of his greatest writing. So, the toast to the lassies is a great excuse to quote fantastic poetry. And, let me conjecture,
6 toast to the ladies jokes and hilarious toast to the ladies puns to laugh out loud. The best jokes about toast to the ladies that are good for kids and friends.
Try to work your speech around a theme. Lassies in government; Local lassies; Litigious Lassies. You could even try one that doesn't start with an 'L'! By using the theme as a focus for your anecdotes and jokes, you will give your speech a framework. Try not to speak for too long. 15 mins max.
The Reply Ladies and Gentlemen, it falls to me, your allocated Lassie for this evening, to take up the challenge of replying to Ed's toast. And what a great toast it was, so I'd like to thank him very much for being so lovely about us Lassies.
Reply to Lassies' Toast 2016 Mr Chairman, Lassies - and Lads Thanks are due to Alistair for his gracious toast. Alistair set forth his stall at the commencement of his speech - he 'doesn't do banter' Now, I expect that…Read more →
The Toast to the Lassies - is a praise of women today with a few jibes and jokes about whoever is doing the reply. Then we have the reply - the Toast to the Lads, a very satisfying moment for the lassies getting to have a go at the men and get revenge for their toast.
The toasts to the lassies and laddies can be an hilarious - often endearing, enlightening, and raucous - part of any traditional Burns Night. It's an element we skipped the first …
I have been asked to give a "Toast to the Lassies " speech at an upcoming Burns' Dinner - this is meant to be a light hearted, humourous and inoffensive speech on the subject of women. I have gone through 15 pages of Google search results and it…
Toast to the Lassies speech at a Burns Supper. A humorous look at gender differences and a focus here on replacing gender superiority with gender teamwork
So when David Dick asked me to give the Toast to the Lassies, I said I'd think about it but wasn't sure if I could do it… he then thanked me for agreeing to do it and here we are. I have to confess that despite being born in Glasgow and with parents living in Aberdeen I had to go and look up what was expected from the Toast to the Lassies.
#scotland #burnsnight #speeches What a fun night and my first ever Burn's celebration. Hope you enjoy my wee poem in the style of the glorious Rabbie burns.
He is also the first person ever to feature on a commemorative bottle of Coca Cola in 2009. Robert Burns was ahead of his time, but at last time has caught up with him. So for the larrikin and rascal in all you laddies: Lassies, please seize ye'r drinks and raise ye'r glasses I propose a toast; here's tae the laddies, we love you really!
Haggis, Whisky and a Toast Tae the Lassies (image via shutterstock.com) Robert Burns (1759- 1796) Yes, it really is a year since I last wittered on about Burns' Night. Said night is nothing to do with standing too close to a bonfire and ending up in Accident and Emergency. Rather, it's the night when Scots and Scotophiles, both in Scotland and around the world, commemorate the life and ...
Hello reader, here is my Toast To The Lassies Speech. I should point out that It is being done in fornt of an all-male audience. Hope you en...
Burns Night Toast To The Lassies by Dave Birss at The Drum Labs January 2023 Dave Birss 2.05K subscribers Subscribe
When the Toast to the Lassies became a permanent fixture, however, is uncertain, but we can be sure that whenever it was, gender roles were greatly different to today. As such, the toast to the lassies is a balancing act. A playful throwback to a bygone era, and a modern reinterpretation of the differences between the sexes.
A traditional Burns Night ritual, this toast should be a light-hearted lampoon of the lassies' (few) shortcomings. Illustrations from Burns, or from first hand knowledge of the subject, may be used. Helpful - But this is the good bit! Warning: Please be tactful!
Reply to the toast to the lasses at the Eglinton Burns supper on the 19th of January at Irvine By Maureen McKerrow Mr. President, Joe Mr. Chairman, Joe honored guests ladies and gentlemen Charan Gill. Firstly I would like to thank Charan for a marvelous witty and humorous toast to the lasses.
Response to the Laddies I thank ye Russell fer yer kind words, I'm surprised it wisnae a bit maer slurred! I saw ye knockin' back that whisky, I wiz worried it may get a wee bit risky! I've been asked tae respond on behawf e' the Lassies, I'll try ma best, tae keep it classy. We gather here this braw fine night, I'm hoping this disnae end wi a fight. Here goes ma response from the ...
Now it's my turn to channel the Bard's talent for verse, and toast our esteemed lassies, for better or for worse… They say behind every man shines a woman so bright, little do they talk of ...
The toast to the lassies is a key part of a Burns Supper. It started originally as a 'cheers for cooking' but as times have moved on, it has evolved into an opportunity for men to take part in some light hearted ribbing of the ladies in the room.
So this past saturday I attended and participated in my first Burns night supper. I ate haggis (tastes like stuffing mixed with ground beef) and did a speech. Traditionally there is a lads toast to the lassies, and the lassies reply. The gist of each toast is to make fun of the other gender. It can rhyme, but doesn't have to. I was asked to do the lassies reply, and here is what I said ...
As I researched the event I learned that this address is a toast to the lassies but I discovered that is it also supposed to be witty and not insulting to the fairer sex.
Toast to the Lassies The Toast to the Lassies is normally a 15 minute speech, which is much less formal and more humorous than the Immortal Memory. It need not be based on Burns work but references to this always help to retain the focus of the evening. It is 100% about women and their influence and effect on men.
In writing this toast to the lassies, I couldn't help but notice the differences between lads and lassies, not the obvious differences that make them so pleasing to the eye, but the more subtle differences, such as: - A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he wants. A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't want.
Ive been asked by the legion to do the reply from the lassies on burns night, but for the life of me i cant come up with any really rude jokes. I showed one lad my original speech and he ripped it up and said it wasnt dirty enough so now im back to square one.
But to my delight, they bestowed upon me the great honor of giving the Toast for the Lassies at this Burns Supper, as ignorant as I am of most of the poems and lyrics of Robert Burns!
This Burns Night was going to be bigger than she had expected. What I had forgotten was I was now shortly due to Toast the Lassies at a virtual event in Edinburgh. Luckily, she took my announcement in her stride: "Oh well, perhaps you've got some new jokes this year…" Now there's the rub.
Toast to the Lassies and Toast to the Laddies: humorous give and take by R.L. Cherry and his wife at a Robert Burns Supper
Reply to Lassies' Toast 2016 Mr Chairman, Lassies - and Lads Thanks are due to Alistair for his gracious toast. Alistair set forth his stall at the commencement of his speech - he 'doesn't do banter' Now, I expect that…Read more →
Reply to the toast to the lassies This is occasionally (and humorously) called the 'Toast to the Laddies', and like the previous toast it is generally quite wide ranging nowadays.
[REPLY TO THE TOAST TO THE LASSIES] / Now here's to the Laddies / All the Toms, Dicks and . Published at the web's largest poetry site.
Their accent appeared to be Scottish, so I approached them and asked: "Hello, are you three lassies from Scotland?" One of them angrily screeched: "It's Wales, Wales you bloody idiot!"
So it is my pleasure to take up the challenge of replying to Alan`s toast. And what a great speech it was: poetic, humorous , ironic and even in rhymes - there must be Robbie Burn`s blood in his veins. I'd like to thank him very much for being so lovely to us Lassies.
Hi all, I'm after a bit of help please, organising a mess dinner night and I'm after a speech for the "toast to the ladies" and "toast to the men". Would like there to be a bit of humour in it, not the standard boring ones. Can someone recommend a good website or even a speech please?Thank you...
I've been asked to do the Toast to the lassies at a function which will combine Burns supper, ceilidh and birthday party with a Scottish theme. Now, I've never done the toast before, it's intended to be light hearted, so I thought I'd start with a joke. this is what I've chosen, but my wife doesn't like it.
Govan Kingston Burns Supper 2016. Colin McCredie (Taggart) Toasts the Lassies.To book tickets for our next Burns Supper visit www.govankingstonsnp.com
A humorous response to the Burns Supper "toast to the lassies".
Good evening ladies and gentlemen It is my honour and privilege to reply on behalf of the lassies to (insert name )'s toast, and I must say, what a wonderfully eloquent toast that was. I think that he hasn't just kissed the Blarney Stone, they must have been going steady for years.
A big list of toast jokes, submitted and ranked by users.
I was tremendously honoured to be invited by Lady Eva Bellambi to give the Toast to the Lassies at this year's Burns Supper and Ceilidh in W...
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