Tips For Shy Guys
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Shy guys aren’t from a different planet, so get over your reservations and just talk to them.
Shy guys aren’t from a different planet, so get over your reservations and just talk to them.
Finding a decent man nowadays is like to trying to find a needle in a haystack.
So, in other words, practically impossible. I’ve always found myself assuming that being an extrovert will help in the process of finding a guy, but you know what they say about “assuming.”
Because what if it’s not easier? What if the person you’re trying to interact with is shy? What’s a girl to do? People always say opposites attract, and there is quite possibly some truth to the statement.
But what do you do if your “opposites” make meeting and potentially having a chance at something impossible?
Having said this, I’ve consulted some friends and I’ve decided to make a list of the best ways for an extrovert, like myself, to interact with someone who is shy.
What I find to be one of the most important things is finding a reason to talk to them. If the guy you’ve set your sights on really is shy, he likely won’t initiate a conversation with you.
But, I’ve noticed walking over to talk to a shy guy when you have no reason tends to make him uncomfortable. You might find an extra challenge in coming up with a reason to start talking to him, but, who knows, you might actually have a meaningful conversation rather than just random flirting.
So, you might consider taking a few minutes to brainstorm some ideas before you walk over to him.
If I’m going to strike up a conversation with a random guy I’m interested in, the “go to” way to start is by flirting a little.
But shy guys are different. They may not feel comfortable with your forward approach.
So, if you want your first interaction with him to turn into a second one, try just being friendly the first time you talk to him. Let the flirting come naturally in the course of your (hopefully) future interactions.
You don’t want to scare him away by coming on too strong.
I know I’m not the only one who has caught themselves in a conversation talking a mile a minute.
He also isn’t likely to interrupt, which could mean you would be rambling through the whole conversation.
I had two best friends in high school who were shy, and I had the realization fairly late into our friendship how one-sided our conversations were. Most of the times we hung out consisted of me talking and them listening, nodding or agreeing.
Let’s all take a minute and be thankful I wasn’t interested in either of them.
I love asking questions! They’re pretty much the best and easiest way to break the ice with someone new. But if you’re trying to interact with a guy who is shy, the chances are he doesn’t want to answer an abundance of personal questions about himself and his life.
And there goes the easiest way to start a conversation.
You want to try and work the conversation in the right way, to keep him from feeling like he has to talk about himself too much.
Now, I’m not giving anyone permission for any extra narcissism. Don’t make the entire interaction just about yourself. Talk about a major loss of points in his book! Just try to keep questions out of the conversation. If you do need to ask any, be sure to keep them open-ended. Always try to avoid yes and no questions.
In my opinion, all relationships should begin as friendships, but this relates specifically to you and the shy guy you have your eye on. A relationship will hopefully come soon, but he’s going to feel much more comfortable with the idea of becoming your friend first.
I never said the process was quick. What a great opportunity to work on your patience.
Trust me, shy guys are not bad and they’re totally worth getting to know, so just be his friend and who knows what will happen from there.
While keeping everything I’ve said in mind, just remember to be yourself. If you’re an extravert, there’s no way for you to really try and relate to being shy. So, don’t pretend you’re someone you aren’t. They’ll see right through you, and you’ll probably end up having to walk away awkwardly.
Never try acting shy! That’s just insulting. There’s nothing like unintentional mocking to ruin any chance you have with a guy.
Also, even if you tried to act shy, you can’t pretend to be shy indefinitely! It’s impossible! What’s the poor soul going to do when the girl he thought he had already “gotten to know” turns out to be completely different? Have a heart—don’t put him through that.
Opposites do attract. I see them work out all the time. So, don’t let your differences deter you.
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Last Updated: March 4, 2021 References
Shy guys are often considered attractive because their quietness seems to indicate maturity, intelligence, or mystery. If you have a crush on a shy guy, though, don’t count on him being the one to make a move or ask you out. Remember, most shy people don’t open up right away. Make sure that he’s comfortable being around you, and bring up the idea of dating once you and he have had a few enjoyable conversations.
Smile and hold eye contact from across a room. If you don’t know the shy guy you’re interested in, start to catch his attention with subtle moves. Try smiling at him during class or over lunch, and make eye contact for 2 or 3 seconds before looking away.[1]
You never know, maybe the guy has had his eye on you for a while too. If that’s the case, your open, engaging behavior may give him a needed confidence-boost and lead to conversations and dates.
Make light physical contact to show your interest. Physical touch can indicate personal, romantic interest. A touch on the arm or pat on the shoulder is fine. However, if he seems fine with it, then you should continue to do it every once in a while. As the 2 of you get to know each other a little better, try giving him hugs or touching his hand to get his attention.
If the guy recoils when you touch him, lay off of physical touch for a couple weeks. He may warm up to the idea more once you two know each other better.
Contact him on a social network. If the guy has a Facebook, Instagram, or Twitter account, follow his page and leave a few “likes” and comments. This won’t come across as overbearing or intimidating, and will give him a chance to think about his reply to your post. You can even “Like” a few of his pictures, and leave a slightly flirty comment on one or two of them.[2]
Find a picture in which he looks good, and comment something like “Wow! You look amazing,” or “I wish I’d been there with you!”
Strike up a casual conversation with the guy. Small talk is usually rather impersonal and can consist of topics like: the homework, weather, teachers, vacation plans, or something on the news. If you don’t go to school with him, maybe ask what he likes to do other than homework, and school. If the conversation goes well, try talking to him again later in the week.[3]
Say something like, “Hi, I think we’re in the same Physics class! What did you think of that homework last night? It took me several hours.”
Don’t worry if you’re doing most of the talking for the first few conversations. It might take the guy a few conversations to start opening up to you.
Ask for the guy’s number. A direct approach is best; don’t try to play games or to get his number from somebody else. Getting his phone number is a flirty move that will let him know you’re interested in him as a potential romantic partner. It will also allow the 2 of you to have more drawn-out conversations.
Say something like, “Hey, I’ve enjoyed talking to you at school for the past couple of weeks. It’d be fun if we could keep the conversation going when we’re not together; could I get your number?”
Remember, if he doesn’t text you first, don’t sweat it. If he’s shy in person with you, he’ll be shy over text at first too!
Attempt to talk to him a few times a week. By talking to him a few times a week, you will begin to establish a bond and let him know that you’re interested in being more than an occasional conversation partner. Until he opens up to you fully, try to lead the conversation by asking him questions. This will encourage him to talk more and even confide in you.[4] Ask things like:
“My family and I usually take a trip up to Aspen every winter. Do you travel often with your family?”
“I like your shirt; The Ramones are a great band. Do you have a favorite record by them?”
Ask him out for a date. Asking him out is a great way to move things to the next level, and it’ll also let him know unequivocally where you stand regarding the relationship. Make sure to ask him out in private so that the guy doesn’t feel nervous. Shy people can be very protective of their emotions, and he may hate feeling pressured.[5]
Say something like, “You know, I like being around you, and it’s been fun to get to know you better. Would you like to go out on a date sometime?”
“I’m attracted to you and I’d like it if we could spend more time together. Can we go out sometime; we could get coffee or see a movie?”
Suggest an activity that you know he’ll enjoy. The shy guy may not have a lot of personal confidence, or may need engaging activities to help bring him out of his shell. In either case, try to find an activity or environment that you’ll both feel comfortable and at-ease in. Go to a volunteering event together, or have lunch at a café nearby.[6]
Make sure that you’ll enjoy the date too! If the guy loves mini golf but you can’t stand it, find a different activity.
Hang out with the guy in social settings. Just because the guy you’re interested in is shy doesn’t mean that he’s a social recluse. So, throw a small party and invite a few people you know he’ll be comfortable with. Make it fun by trying some ice-breaking games and a bottle of wine (if you’re all over 21).
Or, invite the guy to meet a few of your friends at a coffee shop or an art museum.
If the guy likes movies, invite him to see a movie with you and a couple friends.
Keep the first few hang-outs low-key. Fancy, extravagant dates can lead to high-pressure, uncomfortable situations, especially for a shy guy. The good news is that there are plenty of ways for the 2 of you to spend time together doing things that aren’t stereotypical dates. Take hikes or go cycling together, do a fun bar-hop on a weekday evening, or go sledding in winter.[7]
For example, maybe going out to public places is not his thing. Suggest a movie at your house or something else that’s low-key.
You could also suggest getting drive-through dinner and parking someplace quiet to eat and talk.
During your time together, listen to what he says so that you can get a feel for what he's comfortable doing. For example, if he says loud places make him uncomfortable, then you'll know not to invite him to a concert.
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Will a guy like me if I'm a tomboy?
Sure! There are plenty of guys who like girls who are tomboys. Just be yourself around him.
I'm in 6th and I like this shy guy. The problem is, I'm shy too. He is pretty much the male version of me. What do I do?
Try to strike up a casual conversation. If he seems into it, and you like talking to him, make a conversation part of your weekly routine. Soon, the two of you will start to act less shy around each other.
What if he is your friend and he might say no because he thinks he not ready but he definitely is?
That's a risk you'll have to take. Consider also if you're willing to negatively impact the friendship if he doesn't appreciate your romantic advances.
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This article was co-authored by Klare Heston, LCSW. Klare Heston is a Licensed Independent Clinical Social Worker based in Clevaland, Ohio. With experience in academic counseling and clinical supervision, Klare received her Master of Social Work from the Virginia Commonwealth University in 1983. She also holds a 2-Year Post-Graduate Certificate from the Gestalt Institute of Cleveland, as well as certification in Family Therapy, Supervision, Mediation, and Trauma Recovery and Treatment (EMDR). This article has been viewed 667,516 times.
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Simple Tips for Shy Guys to Approach Girls - YouTube
6 Tips for Subtly Flirting with Annoyingly Shy Guys
How to Get a Shy Guy: 10 Steps (with Pictures) - wikiHow
What would be the best dating tips for shy guys? - Quora
5 Dating Tips for Shy Guys | HowStuffWorks
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Tips For Shy Guys
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