Tiny Girl Incest
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Tiny Girl Incest
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According to Moi University sociologist Moses Mutua, these cases are rampant in Western and Nyanza regions.
“There was a time when I spent most of my time there and one of my students confessed that those things were common in the region,” Mutua told The Nairobian, adding that most people don’t talk about it because it is taboo.
Some of the reasons Mutua cited for these incidents included women neglecting their husbands, single fathers bringing up their daughters, alcohol and evil spirits.
He also accused some girls of seducing their fathers. “Some daughters view their fathers as their heroes. Since they provide everything for them, they see no reason to date other men.”
Psychologist Wandia Maina of Phoenix Training Solutions, says that such cases must be reported.
She also argues that when such acts are committed, the affected homes can never be the same since most wives do not report such cases, but rather walk out of the marriage or suffer in silence.
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September 14, 2022 at 2:30pm PM EDT
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“They’re making babies down there,” my brother told my mom after walking in on me and a friend fooling around. Little did I know that he was right. That was the day I conceived my first child. I was only 16 .
My mother was blasting Al Green like she did every Sunday when she cleaned the house. “No, we weren’t,” I tried to assure her, but I doubt she believed me. I was usually pretty open about my sex life with her. She had known for quite some time that I was sexually active. I probably could’ve just told her the truth, like I had many times before, but this time was different from the rest. This time I did it in her house, and my heart was still racing from the excitement.
You’d think the experience of being a teen mom would make me want to keep all boys at least 10 feet away from my daughter, or at least ban boys from her room. Certainly, I don’t want her to go through what I did as a teen mom. I want her to wait until she’s ready to experience motherhood on her own terms, until she’s lived life for herself at least a little bit.
But I know that trying to keep teens from having sex is impossible. If they want to have sex, they’ll find a way. I know this because I remember being a teen. I remember a dark moonlit bedroom not being a requirement for fooling around. I remember taking advantage of my boyfriend’s parents being at work. I remember the sex in parked cars, the park and garages. And I remember not being the exception — almost all of my friends were having sex.
Banning boys from spending the night wouldn’t have prevented my teen pregnancy. It won’t protect my daughter either. Not from pregnancy, or the other potential consequences of unsafe sex. If my daughter were to engage in unsafe sex with a person of any gender, she could contract an STD or STI. It would be completely irresponsible of me to ignore the possibility that my daughter isn’t heterosexual. If I am worried about boys, I should be equally worried about girls. It’s either no one can spend the night, or everyone can.
That’s the logic I used when I asked my mother at 15 to have a good friend who happened to be male sleep over.
“You realize I could be sleeping with my girlfriends when they spend the night, right?” I remember asking her. I identified as bisexual at the time, and she knew it. But I could tell she had never even considered the possibility that my girlfriends were anything more than friends.
“Well, if he’s just a friend and you trust him, I’ll trust you.”
My mom trusted me. After that day, she often let me have boys spend the night. Every male friend I had knew what my bedroom looked like. And although it may seem counterintuitive, this is what she did right. She understood and listened. She never judged or punished me for being sexual. She believed me when I told her that a boy was just a friend and nothing sexual would happen if he spent the night. She created an environment where talking about sex was natural.
But despite her trust in me, she also failed me. She never talked to me about safe sex . I don’t know why. Perhaps she intended to but didn’t know how, or maybe she trusted I was getting accurate information somewhere else. She never once mentioned birth control or condoms; she just vaguely mentioned staying safe a few times.
And it’s not that I didn’t know birth control existed; I did. I just didn’t know how to ask for it. Every time I confessed my sexual activity to her, I hoped she would offer to get me the pill, buy me condoms, and teach me about safe sex with both girls and boys. I wanted her to teach me how to be assertive and insist protection be used. But she never did.
I won’t fail my daughter the same way. She’ll have my trust and guidance. She already knows about my own experiences and that I could never be mad at her for being sexual. I’ll give her support and information. She can have boys and girls spend the night just like I did as a teen, but unlike me, she’ll have access to condoms, birth control and information about STIs and STDs. The conversation about sex will be ongoing and comprehensive.
I know I can’t stop her from having sex, but at least I can help her stay safe.
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The Standard Group Plc is a multi-media organization with investments in media platforms spanning newspaper print
operations, television, radio broadcasting, digital and online services. The Standard Group is recognized as a
leading multi-media house in Kenya with a key influence in matters of national and international interest.
Standard Group Plc HQ Office,
The Standard Group Center,Mombasa Road.
P.O Box 30080-00100,Nairobi, Kenya.
Telephone number: 0203222111, 0719012111
Email: corporate@standardmedia.co.ke
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I am 32 and married with children but in serious trouble because I messed up with a young girl (18) from our estate and she is now pregnant. We became friends after I frequently gave her a lift to town then we had casual no-strings-attached sex on several occasions. She is now four months pregnant and she is asking me what she is going to tell her parents. I have tried to talk to her but she isn’t listening. I don’t love her and I can’t imagine losing my family because of this young and irresponsible girl. I think some neighbours are already suspecting something from the way they make funny statements at me and so it may just be a matter of time before this comes out. I don’t know what to do. Please advise.
Ochieng, are you calling her young and irresponsible now that she is pregnant for you? Accept that she is expectant and since she is not underage consider engaging all the concerned parties including her parents and your family. You knew you did not love her but still went ahead and slept with her. Choices have consequences. Face this problem head-on, tell your wife what you did and prepare to raise this chid.
This is a problem of your own making. I would not encourage you to ask anyone to terminate a pregnancy. People already know of the story so in case she procures abortion and she dies or something happens you shall be the first culprit. You better inform your wife and your parents of this pregnant lady and be ready to support her and her baby because it has happened after your prolonged relationship. But first wait for the birth of the child then you can do a DNA test to confirm paternity then if it turns out positive you can do what will be required of you.
How do you go terming her as irresponsible? It is interesting how you realise this only now after sleeping with her severally. A responsible man takes responsibility for his actions and that pregnancy is your responsibility. You should encourage and support her to keep that pregnancy and make sure the child is raised responsibly.
One of the best ways of dealing with adversity is to stay ahead of the information. Let your wife get the information from you before someone else gives her the 'abridged' version. Get her in her best moods, when it is the two of you, preferably, away from home. Be honest with her and together come up with how to deal with the scenario. Be very calm throughout the discussion. The girl is free to inform her parents. Finally, take the responsibility by law or laws of moral justice.
What really has woken you up from your secret doing? Is it because the girl is pregnant? Would you be feeling this repentant if she was not?
Well, this must be a time of deep regret for you and I guess you wish you could conceal all this drama. Keeping this a secret may not be possible, there is a child already involved, and it is not a solution. The best option now is for you to open up to your wife yourself before the rumour gets to her. Do not wait for her to seek an explanation from you.
When you volunteer to give the information, even your apology will sound real as opposed to waiting until she gets to know, then you appear as if you are seeking forgiveness because your private affair has been uncovered and not because you are remorseful.
We cannot tell how she will react but your conduct before now will determine the outcome. That is, if you have been good to her, she is likely to forgive you, but if your behaviour has been a pain to her, then things might be different. That is why you must be the one to disclose this matter to her.
In addition, the child’s welfare needs to be taken into consideration and this is something that the three of you need to agree on. All said and done, make an honest assessment of your relationship so that such incidents can be avoided in future. Sometimes couples slowly drift apart without their knowledge. It is only episodes like this that jerks them to reality. Therefore make every necessary changes that you may have to. Together you can turn and get this relationship back on course and thriving.
(Hilda Boke Mahare has a background in Counselling Psychology)
Ochieng, I more or less understand the situation you are in but I am not sure about what sort of ending you are anticipating through this. Picking from your words you say she is asking you about what to tell her parents but on the other hand you are talking to her and she is not listening? We shall get back to this later but it is somewhat a paradox.
Essentially, I have my fingers crossed that she is actually 18 as you say because anything lower than this can actually turn out to be disastrous for you. If he is indeed 18 the problems are still enormous but of a different nature. If my imagination serves me right, you are trying to get her to sort this matter once and for all through a termination. If this be the case then she is doing the right thing by not listening to you and it is actually very unfair of you to think of putting her life at risk all for your convenience. If she is pregnant with your child I encourage you to deal with the matter as is and not consider unreasonable shortcuts that only work well for you.
I am also surprised that you term her an irresponsible girl but do remember that you repeatedly had sexual relations with her so you are just as irresponsible if not more. This is something you will have to deal with for the rest of your life and with such matters the key is coming out clean on this. Yes, it will have repercussions on you and all the families that are involved in this. There is no other way to dealing with such matters. Come clean and take whatever responsibility that may come from this. You may not need to marry her but as far as the child is concerned, you ought to take your rightful share of responsibilities and support them. Yes, this will impact heavily on your family but since there is no other way to go about this you will have to bear the brunt. On their part, they will need to come to terms with this and learn to live with it. The alternative is to move from that neighbourhood and deal with this secretly for as long as it will be possible.
{Simon Anyona is a relationships counsellor}
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