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What should you do if you catch a 10-year-old looking at porn on the Internet? (brian kersey / getty images)
Q: I recently found my 10-year-old daughter looking at pornography on the Internet. When I asked her why she was looking at this, she said, "The devil made me do it!" I am appalled and don't know how to handle this.
A: The Help for Families panel understands you are upset, but wonders whether saying you are "appalled" may be a little harsh.
Pornography is rampant on the Internet, says panelist Michael Daniels. He suggest it may have been innocent. A 10-year-old could've been doing a report or looking up something simple and could easily comes across a pornographic site, he says.
"It is scary how pervasive it is and how accessible it is," he says. "But as a parent you need to get a handle on it and be a parent, to be effective."
The panel guesses from your daughter's reference to the devil that you are a religious household.
For the future, you can put controls or filters on your computer to control what sites she can access on the Internet, says panelist Pam Wallace.
You need to sit down with her and explain that pornography is something that isn't for children, Wallace says.
"She is at a developmental age when many kids start to be curious about sex," says panelist Denise Continenza. "Have an open conversation with her and give her information that aligns with your family's values."
She may be looking for answers to questions she has but will be directed in an inappropriate way, Daniels says.
"You don't want to squelch her curiosity," he says.
Talk to her to find out what she may be curious about, says panelist Rhoda Stoudt.
She also recommends you keep the computer in a public place so you can see what sites she is going on.
"Look at it objectively," says Continenza. "Put your emotions aside. This is one of the hardest parts of raising adolescents. Don't judge or condemn her."
If you feel you can't talk to her about these issues, find someone else who can talk to her," Wallace says.
You do know what to do, Daniels says.
"Love her and step back," he says. "Look into your own experiences. Pornography has been around for a long time, although it was not as accessible in the past as it is now," he says. "How you respond to this will determine whether your relationship with your daughter grows or not. She has obviously internalized your family's values and from a religious standpoint she's right."
She is showing she knows it's not the best thing to do, agrees Wallace.
"This is an opportunity to strengthen your relationship with your daughter," says panelist Suzanne Mulhern. "She is a whole individual and this is just one small aspect of that."
Keep the communication open with her, Daniels says.
"This could always be a door to the next level," he says.
Parenting experts and guest panelists who helped this week:
Pam Wallace, program coordinator for Project Child, a program of Valley Youth House.
Denise Continenza, family living specialist for Penn State's Lehigh County Cooperative Extension, South Whitehall Township.
Michael Daniels, adolescent and attachment therapist, Bethlehem.
Rhoda Stoudt, Lehigh County Office of Children and Youth Services.
Suzanne Mulhern, The Arc of Lehigh & Northampton Counties, Bethlehem.
Help for Families is a collaboration between The Morning Call and parenting professionals brought together by Valley Youth House's Project Child


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