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Having a Threesome in a Relationship

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How Having A Threesome For The First Time Can Impact Your Relationship

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From my limited understanding of them, threesomes can either make you feel like a baller or like total shit. They can result from drunken nights, sleepovers, and even from calculated conversations. For some couples, they are an exciting and new way to explore a new sexual frontier; for others a threesome can represent a last-ditch effort to reignite a spark.

I had my first foursome in college. I was with my best friend at the time and another couple. We drank a large amount of wine, we laughed for what felt like hours. We cuddled, we kissed; it felt very safe. The following morning there was no awkward conversation about what it “meant for us.”
We all high-fived and continued to hang out like we hadn’t all just seen each other very naked and vulnerable. I felt a closeness to all of them that I hadn't before; it was the first time in a long while that I understood that sex could equal a connection with another, not just a kick-ass orgasm.
From that moment, I’ve been a big proponent of group sex. Everyone has fun, right? Well, I thought so, but being the journalist that I am, I needed to get to the bottom of group f*cking. I asked 10 different people whether they thought threesomes brought them and their significant other closer together, or farther apart:
“The first time I begged my girlfriend for a threesome she agreed and halfway through the ‘act’ or whatever, she started to cry and ran out of the room. She broke up with me a few weeks later because she said she could tell ‘I wanted to be free’ even though I really didn’t.”
“The first threesome I had was with my boyfriend and his best friend and we were all wasted. We never brought it up again, but I noticed that my boyfriend and his best friend stopped drinking around the house as often.”
“It actually worked out so well for my girlfriend and I. She was bisexual and wanted to explore that. Obviously I wanted her to be happy so we gave it a shot and it is actually how we’ve stayed together for five years and met some really, really cool people.”
“Maybe gay men live by different sets of rules, but my partner and I became extremely close when we began bringing in other people into the bedroom. It was like ‘we’re both young and hot, let's not waste it!’ We began to realize that just because you were sleeping with someone, doesn’t mean you love them. I could f*ck someone else but still not want to spoon them while falling asleep. We learned to separate carnal urges from the very special connection the two of us shared.”
“I was very upset after my first threesome. I couldn’t stop comparing the way my partner was acting with the guest to how he would act with me when we were alone. I clearly was not ready for something like that, but thought I would be because porn always made it look like so much fun.”
“For me, sex is all about the spiritual connection. I’ve tried threesomes but they’ve only made me feel distant from my partner. You’re too worried about if everyone is having fun equally to really connect.”
“God, never again. I had one with my boyfriend and another girl and afterwards she wouldn’t stop texting him/us to do it again. I’m sure they’re great if you set very very clear boundaries, but sometimes it is impossible to have sex void of feelings.”
“Threesomes in relationships do not work. My girlfriend became convinced that I was seeing other people outside of our group sex and it eventually led us to break up.”
“I love them and would recommend them to everyone! My sex life with my long-term girlfriend was getting a bit repetitive and we both had a very adult discussion about expectations and rules. Once we started having them, it was as if we had just met all over again. When you’re able to share your lust and secret desires with another person in that way you can’t help but feel closer to them. I’d say I try and have a threesome once a month now just to keep things between us fresh and fun.”
“I've had them before…all I can say is always be the guest star and never the one who has to deal with the potential fallout. I’ve been on both sides of the equation and one is definitely better than the other.”

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By Guest | 91 posts, last post a month ago

Kate Smith
answered this
How To Resolve Fights About Sex (Without Ruining Your Relationship)

Hi. I would like to know your opinion about threesomes. What are their effects on relationships? IS it GOOD or BAD?

I tried it once, the W-M-W version, and I could say that it was great. Who am I kidding, it rocked! I did it with my girlfriend and another girl, her friend. And what happened? Whenever I would see her, all I can remember was her vagina stuck in my mouth. So I cheated my girlfriend and ruined a good relationship. I am an id**t.

This was one of the worst things that you can do. We have been married for 30 + years and my husband and I did this and I have become the forgotten one! AND THAT WAS NOT SUPPOSE TO HAPPEN!

My husband can not give both woman the same amount of attention - actually he blows me off a tad bit more cause of her being "new" BS!!!! If anyone should get more attention it should be me as his wife and allowing for this to happen.

Because of all that has taken place over this "threesome" I WOULD NOT tell anyone to go for it! In fact I wish it never happened!

Our marriage because of my jealousy - insecurities - loneliness - low self esteem - whatever has really gone down to the pits!!!

DON'T DO IT!!

I have to say DO NOT DO IT!

I have been married 30 + yrs and I can honestly say it has damaged our marriage. I did think at first that it could be a good thing bring some excitement into our marriage not that we really needed it but couldn't hurt but my husband has no idea how to please 2 women and focus on both women and becasue of that I am the one that got left out.

I guess you can say it was because of me being jealous, left out, low self esteem, insecurities, whatever the reasons might be its messed up.

My advise is DO NOT LET IT HAPPEN.

Well my wife and I have been together for 11yrs about 6yrs ago we found our diamond in the rough, a lady would desired the same out of a marriage as my wife, which was to have a husband and a wife. Now we had been swingers so this idea was not that farther up the tree for us. Now people who know my situation would say I was the man, in the begin I feel like I was, but that was short live very fast. And kids added to the complexity of this already complex arrangement. Threesome are truly mad blowing, that event I will not tell anyone not to try. It is a great experience now living under one roof that is very tricky. Unless you have a great deal of money don't think of doing a threesome relationship, union, or whatever term you decide to call it under one roof if you have kids it will turn into a competition about the kids. I would recommend only doing some like that if no kids are involved. Now my situation changes from week to week, from under one roof to separate households and back again. Emotional issues do surface, and when the relationship transition to under separate roofs jealousy will occur. And if it is WMW the Man loses when the women fall out, because you can not have one without the other and that is the truth. Update, today I am in love with two women my wife and other wife (not on paper) but they are struggling with there relationship. The other wife does not have a sexual attraction to the wife any more due to a laundry list of emotional issues, but the other wife has her own issues as well. With all of that I love and accept all the hang up they both bring to the relationship, but today I stand to lose them both because of their struggles. So if you want to try it I would really discuss it will your partners before hand. Good luck.

I am married to my third wife and think we are a loving relationship. My second wife and I had a few threesomes and enjoyed it. We're divorced of course, but this wasn't the problem are on good terms. My current wife and I have been having problems in the recent past due to me staying out too late sometimes, her school now new job, money, kids etc.

One night me, my wife and her friend were drinking and her friend began giving her a back message. They were flirting and told them they could go to our bedroom to get proper message. I of course spied on them a few times and eventually saw my wife acting on a fantasy I had no clue about. Later when they came out I confessed that I saw them. My wife was worried I would be upset, but I told her I understood and hoped that she still loved me. She swore that she did and doesn't want to lose me. We later returned to the bedroom, where me and her friend gave her most of the attention. I've never seen a woman so aroused! Later, they said they would like to continue it once a month.

I said I was fine with that as long as I'm either there or know about it. I haven't touched the other girl and don't plan on it. My wife and I are now doing better than every before with our relationship. We had a great sex life before though. I do have the usual worries and thoughts though- Will she decide that she wants her more than me later? Will we just get bored with it and move on? etc. I know how easy for these situations can break a marriage, but it may have actually saved ours. I do love her very, very much and don't want to lose her.

I wonder how many people with similar situations has turned out well over time?

I have been married very happily for 5 years and the other night we brought home a girl from a club and tried a threesome. It was actually my wife's idea; I am much too shy to initiate something like that. Well it was awesome! My wife was very much turned on by the sight of me having sex with someone else, and I was very turned on too. She played with the girl too and really enjoyed it. My wife and I are now "hyper-sexual" with each other. It is not for everyone, and I do not have any feelings for the girl. I see her more as a "sex toy" than anything else. It is most important to put my wife first, it is not worth the thrill if she feels uncomfortable in any way.

I am a girl and me n my ex-gf decided that we would like to have a threesome, so we asked some friends, and i do me means friends because the threesome turned into an orgy with 3 other chicks. It was interesting and very fun, but all in all it didnt screw up our relationship, it actually made it somewhat stronger.

My wife and I have been having problem for a while with arguing, appreciation issues, and the way we speak to and treat each other (repectfulness wise) but last night my wife and I were entertaining a friend of hers and it started to get late and I had to work the next day so I headed to bed, but the girls stayed awake. Later I woke up to go the bathroom and just before i got to the rest room door i heard the shower going and heard both of them in it ( didn't really think into it, they are close) but a few seconds later i heard moaning ( my interest peaked) but i just use the other br and went back to the bedroom to think it through, while doing so they came out and i layed back down (so they didn't think anything) and they went back to the living room and continued, so i went in and they stopped, i guess hoppingi didn't see but i made clear i did by kinda joking with them about it ( they knew they were caught) so as im walking back to the room my wife stopped me and asked if i want to have threesome, of course i said yes, (now remember they didn't know i heard them in the shower, so they are just going off what happened in the living room) so we do it and afterwards my wife asked me who was better, and honestly it was my wife, and i asked how it started between them, she obviously lie by saying they planned it for me the WHOLE time.

My wife and I have been having problem for a while with arguing, appreciation issues, and the way we speak to and treat each other (repectfulness wise) but last night my wife and I were entertaining a friend of hers and it started to get late and I had to work the next day so I headed to bed, but the girls stayed awake. Later I woke up to go the bathroom and just before i got to the rest room door i heard the shower going and heard both of them in it ( didn't really think into it, they are close) but a few seconds later i heard moaning ( my interest peaked) but i just use the other br and went back to the bedroom to think it through, while doing so they came out and i layed back down (so they didn't think anything) and they went back to the living room and continued, so i went in and they stopped, i guess hoppingi didn't see but i made clear i did by kinda joking with them about it ( they knew they were caught) so as im walking back to the room my wife stopped me and asked if i want to have threesome, of course i said yes, (now remember they didn't know i heard them in the shower, so they are just going off what happened in the living room) so we do it and afterwards my wife asked me who was better, and honestly it was my wife, and i asked how it started between them, she obviously lie by saying they planned it for me the WHOLE time. and know im worried how thing will go from here.

Without going into the details here is some advice if you want it

Threesomes can be extremely rewarding for everybody as long as everyone is getting what they want or need out of it.

My partner and I have been seeing the same girl for around a year pretty regularly.

My partner (F) loves the attention and another womans touch.
I (M) love seeing my partner so aroused and having the sensory overload of two beautiful women
Our single companion (F) loves the regular sex without strings but somewhere to come when she want/needs affection

It has definately improved our 1 on 1 sexual relationship as well as strengthen our relationship overall. There is alot of trust required to even consider it and when it has been happening regularly the increased intimacy between all parties that develops over time takes some getting used to. If you have a strong relationship this can be managed between the two of you.

I know all that seem rosy but there are some downsides that are not necessarily the world ending horror stories that you most often hear like it ruined our relationship.

Most people find it very difficult to accept that three people can be lovers which develops into great friends, this can be difficult to manage when you are in a long term relationship and have close family or friends. That is the hardest part. The next hardest part is knowing that at some stage it will end and accepting that so that you dont get hurt when it does.

Some other things to consider

If you spend too much time with your new companion your friends will get jealous

If you try and carry on a normal life by introducing your companion to your friends, some of them will like the idea so much they will try and get your companion to join them. This will make you jealous and you will be angry at your friends.

Some people will view your compaion as "just a sex toy" and disrespect them which can be very hurtful.

Dealing with the inevitable feelings of affection that you will both develop for the person coming in can be difficult. She has her own life outside our relationship and you cannot ask someone coming to visit you in your happy relationship not to go and try and find their own. When this means seeing her, or knowing she is with someone else - both of you will get jealous.

When it is time for her to go you will miss her.

Okay, so im pretty young, but my boyfriend and i have been together for a while, and we have talked about doing this. And i am bisexual, and i have been pretty apprehensivr. I want to do it, but i am also just a little unsure, i want to do it because he wants to im just afraid ill get ignored and get jealous, and i don't know exactly how i would react, and im not sure if i should tell him exactly hw i feel, or go threw with it, and just try it. its very difficult and im scared.

please help me someone.

WELL, me and my partner have been together for 8 years, we have both been looking for someone to have a 3sum with when i bumped into my mate from school down the gym ! i offerd him down for a drink and 1 thing led to another, i was well up or it at the time till after and i felt left out cus i didnt get a look in, verymuch !

well me and my husband have tried this also and it ended up destroying our marriage over the years. I had the same problem of that when another girl came around i would disappear and it destroyed me knowing that it was that easy for someone that loved me so much would let me be replaced by a random girl. I know that i am a attractive girl and i have always drove myself crazy trying to keep my body looking the best for him. I never was strict with him and i let him have any girl that he said he wanted as long as she was down too. We ended up braking up and he finally came around and we both realized that this type of relationship was not goo d for us if we wanted it to work out. So now we are back together and so much more in love now that we just have each other. I would say don't do it. Most women cant handle another women all over their man and also other women don't understand the boundaries that need to be respected when you are with another women s man. I know that there are some women and men that are very happy doing this but the chances of having a successful relationship is very slim. I say just find some other fantasies or just dress up for your man to keep the flame high.
good luck with everything. :-D

here is a twist. I am 26 gay male. I have always wanted to try it, my current partner and I are thinking about it. In my eyes the U.S is so screwed up about sex. Its like we cant talk about it in public, some people think its a dont talk about it issue. I swear if we where like other countrys things would be so much easier. 3 somes dont break a relationship. Sneaking around cheating, lying too your loved one, etc those things break up relationships. Sex is sex, and I love alot of it. I love my man, and I know he loves me. I also know that we have been together for a long time, and we have been though hell and back. What we have went though has made us stronger. So 3 some, no i feel it would be a great idea for all relationships

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