Thick Nerdy Girl
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Thick Nerdy Girl
Fat girls are fun to date and they always swallow because they're hungry.
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I could see myself making love to you every day
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Chapter One: The Wish Alan and Tom were college roommates and best friends, and they were nerds. Not just run of the mill nerds, but full blown, Star Trek convention attending, computer addicted, chess mastering, Dungeons and Dragons playing nerds. The two young men were quite similar, with only one real difference defining them – their opinion of the most popular girl in school, Michelle. This important distinction was very important when Tom and Alan ran into Michelle. She was the captain of their college’s cheerleading squad, and deserved that title in every respect. She possessed a stunning quantity of traditionally defined beauty, she was a skilled acrobat, and she was haughty and pretentious enough to feel genuinely at home atop the proverbial social ladder. She had short, well coifed hair, a slightly tanned and flawless complexion, an extremely slender physique. Alan was quite smitten with her. From the moment he first saw her, he felt consumed with infatuation. He even had once hid under the bleachers and secretly watched her during cheerleading practice. He desperately desired Michelle to be his, and lamented this desire’s impossibility to Tom often. Tom wasn’t at all interested in Michelle – how could he be? Tom felt that since she had nothing in common with him, there was no real attraction. And likewise, Michelle wasn’t at all interested in Alan. The few times they had bumped into each other, Michelle refused to even speak to him. She walked right past him as if he didn’t even exist. Tom was a good friend, and while he understood that Alan’s motives for wanting Michelle were skewed, he felt sympathetic to his buddy and decided to help. He decided to do some online research to see what he how he could help Alan. In no time, he had found exactly the guide he needed. “Let me see,” Tom said, studying the list he had found…I’m not a magical practitioner, I’m not a scientist with access to funny chemical compounds…aha! Rule Nine…” Tom started. “Law of wish realization inevitability – any wish made by anyone anywhere will be inevitably granted.” “I wish for Michelle to become the kind of girl that would fall in love with…a nerdy guy like Alan.” Tom head a knock on the door, and half expected that there’d be a sudden poof, or the room would spin, and he’d suddenly come face to face with his best friend making out with Michelle. But he saw nothing. The knock repeated itself, and Tom finally got around to answering it. “Hey Tom,” Alan said as he entered the apartment. “Whatcha up to?” “Eh, nothing much,” Tom replied. “Nothing much at all...” Chapter Two: The Perfect Girlfriend After a few more minutes of chatting with Alan, Tom had decided that the whole wish thing was rubbish. He felt embarrassed at having even looked up such a facile solution to his friend’s problem. As the two played D & D, Tom tried once again to explain to Alan why he saw dating differently. “Isn’t this the best?” Tom opined with a certain degree of vagueness in his slightly nasal tone of voice. “The best what? Game?” Alan squeaked in his high pitched voice. “Well, there’s chess, Magic the Gathering, World of Warcraft…maybe this is in the top 5…” Alan’s voice trailed off as he mentioned still more games. “No, I meant playing games in general.” Tom clarified. “Well, of course.” Alan replied. “Well, wouldn’t you want your perfect girlfriend to be able to sit down and join us?” Tom asked, getting to his point. “Why would Michelle be interested in D & D? She’s a cheerleader.” Alan responded with confusion. “No, not Michelle, I mean, a perfect hypothetical girlfriend. I mean, as if you had designed her to be whatever you wanted. Wouldn’t you want her to enjoy doing the things you enjoy?” “Well…maybe,” Alan hedged. “But I don’t know if that’s sustainable. How many supermodels do you know that play role playing games?” “We’re talking hypothetically here, Alan. You can make anyone like anything you want.” Tom reminded him. “I know, but you’re missing the broader context, Tom. What hot chick would choose to continue to keep playing games in the basement with nerds, even if that was her highest ambition? There’s just so many social and financial rewards for other behaviors. Becoming a cheerleader, a model, making friends with the popular people…how is she going to resist that forever?” Alan asked, with a sense of triumph. “What about you? I don’t see you running off to join the football team to impress Michelle and join that popular world.” Tom countered. “Well, that’s not exactly a workable option for us, Tom. We were given the gifts of brains, not brawn,” Alan replied. “Well, you aren’t going to get an argument from me on that one,” Tom conceded, and the two chortled in laughter for a few moments. Chapter Three: The Game After failing to convince his friend to change his standards, he figured that Alan’s loneliness was just going to be a permanent fixture of their lives. He was therefore quite surprised when their lunchtime chess game was interrupted by a most unexpected guest. “1.e4,” Tom announced in chess notation as he made the first move of the game. “…c6” Alan replied as he entered his favorite chess opening, the Caro-Kann “2.e4” Tom responded quickly, and Alan moved “2…d5” just as quickly. Tom thought about his next move for a while, and then made his decision. “3.f3” “What the heck is that?” Alan quipped, “You’ve never played that before.” “It’s called the fantasy variation,” Tom responded. “I read an…interesting story online that introduced me to…to...” He stopped speaking as he looked over Alan’s shoulder. Michelle was walking over to their table! “Muh, muh…” Tom stuttered, unable to finish speaking the name of Alan’s crush. “Don’t mind me,” Michelle began, “This game looks interesting, mind if I watch?” “Go right ahead,” Alan squeaked, and she pulled up a chair and stared at the board intently. The next few dozen moves of the game didn’t go well for Alan. Though usually a solid player, he floundered around the board, his pieces taking inactive positions. Tom credited his superior less to the Fantasy Variation and more to Alan’s inability to keep his eyes on the board, with Michelle sitting right next to him. Tom could tell that Alan was close to resigning. After another attacking move, Tom felt as though victory was inevitable. He saw Alan’s hand drift towards his King, ready to tip it over in resignation. Before he reached it, however, it was stopped by Michelle’s. For a brief moment, their hands hesitated, lingering over the board. After a poignant silence, Michelle finally spoke: “May I?” she asked. “Uh…sure,” Alan responded at least, not quite sure what Michelle was asking but confident enough that his answer would be yes in just about every case. Michelle reached for Alan’s Queen and moved it directly into the path of Tom’s pawns. “Michelle, I…you…uh…” Alan was unable to formulate his words, trying to explain that she was giving away his Queen in a hopeless position. Tom, however, saw the position for what it was and smacked himself on the forehead. How could he have missed this? “It’s a draw!” Michelle exclaimed. “Stalemate. If he captures your Queen, you have no legal moves and the game’s tied. But if he doesn’t capture, you’ll just put him in check and force him to capture next turn. You’ve secured the draw in worse position.” It was truly a brilliant maneuver, and Tom was less upset at Michelle for telling Alan about it than he was upset at himself for not having anticipated it himself. “Well lunch is already over, catch you guys later,” Michelle said, as she scampered off towards her table. Alan was too stunned to reply; he simply sat there, his jaw slack with incredulity. Chapter Four: The Invitation At first, Tom and Alan didn’t know what to make of Michelle’s strange behavior. There wasn’t a logical explanation. “She couldn’t be an expert chess player…” Alan whispered to Tom during science lecture. “But, it’s equally unlikely that any novice would have seen that move.” Tom whispered back. “Well, if she was just having fun with us, why would she have suddenly become so into the game? And how would she know an opportunity like that would come up?” Alan inquired. Tom had an answer prickling in the back of his mind, but he didn’t allow himself to consider it. That just couldn’t be the answer…could it? The two didn’t have to wait too long before seeing Michelle again. At the end the day, they literally bumped into her in the hall. Alan was surprised to actually hear her apologize and even helped pick up some papers that had fallen in their little collision. “Hey, what are you doing this afternoon?” Michelle asked the still stunned nerd duo. “Uh, well, um…” Alan squeaked, desperately trying to come up with something more impressive sounding than what was occurring. Tom, on the other hand, had a funny feeling that the truth was exactly what Michelle wanted to hear. “Playing D & D, or maybe Magic the Gathering, why?” Tom asked. Alan scowled, subtly tried to nudge him. His eyes seemed to say “Hey Tom, you don’t want her to think we’re a bunch of nerds, do you?” “Ooh, sounds cool. Mind if I come?” Michelle asked as she batted her mascara-filled eyelashes. Alan was again rendered speechless, and so it fell to Tom to answer. He was still a bit skeptical. “Don’t you have cheerleader practice today?” Tom asked, slightly raising an eyebrow. “Eh, well, yeah. I mean…” It was Michelle who now seemed to have trouble speaking clearly. “Well, I do, yes. But I’m ditching it. One day won’t kill the squad, right?” Tom nodded approvingly. “Of course. We’d love to have you over to play some games.” Chapter Five: Dinner for Three Alan and Tom walked back to their apartment with a sense of disbelief: here it was, Friday night, and they were going to be playing their favorite games with the most popular girl in school. Alan was tripping over his feet (moreso than usual) as they finally got to the apartment. Tom wasn’t sure which was more of a coincidence: the wish he had made yesterday or the hypothetical question he had posed to Alan last night. By the time they were setting up the D & D table, Alan’s nerves had finally calmed down. By the time they were creating the character sheets, it was obvious to both young men that something man than a radical change interests was happening to Michelle. “So, I’m guessing you want to be the elf, the lithe, thin, spritely race?” Alan asked, trying his best to say it flirtatiously. Michelle loudly – and uncharacteristically – combined a snort with a scoff. “Yeah, right. Why don’t I play the dwarf, short, shout, strong, hearty – and with a nice constitution bonus?” Neither Tom nor Alan was sure how to understand this remark. Had she really just shot down a comparison between her and a lovely elf in favor of one between her and a homely dwarf? Or had she only suggested that she play the dwarf to create as much contrast between herself and her role-playing alter ego as possible? Or had she just wanted the character’s constitution bonus? And how in the world did someone playing this game for the first time know that dwarves receive that bonus anyway? No answers became apparent, and the game continued. Michelle continued to display traits that made it seem as though she never was a cheerleader. Upon sitting down, she didn’t hold herself with great poise and grace, as Alan had often observed her do during English class. Instead, she simply flopped down, slouching a little bit against the couch, which made her look shorter and more casual. When Tom made nerdy puns about rules in the game, she laughed a big, bellowing, dorky, unladylike laugh. The hours flew by and soon it was evening. “What’s for dinner around here?” Michelle asked, rubbing her flat tummy. “I’m starving.” “I don’t know…maybe we can get pizza?” Alan asked. Michelle brightened up. “Great idea! Let’s try ordering it online!” Michelle exclaimed. Tom merely shrugged and pulled out his laptop. “What’s this article here, ‘How to eat an entire pizza in one sitting?" Michelle asked, pointing to an online tab saved from his last browsing session. Tom stammered for a minute and took back his laptop, and then Michelle continued. “Looks totally neat, I want to give that a try. Let’s order two pizzas and see if I can pull this off…” Alan looked a little bit taken aback, but Tom’s eyes widened. He unconsciously licked his lips as he imagined Michelle stuffing her face with slice after slice of pizza. “Stop that,” he mentally scolded himself. “She’s for your friend, remember?” When the pizza arrived, the boys were surprised to see Michelle answer the door and take care of the pizza tab. “You didn’t have to do that, Michelle,” Tom said. “Well, it’s the least I can do, given that you’ve both taught me to play some awesome games. Plus – I plan to eat more pizza than both you scrawny guys put together!” Alan and Tom seriously doubted both of these claims. Michelle had picked up the rules to D & D quickly – too quickly. After just a few hours, she seemed to understand the very complex rules as well as Tom and himself. She had to already have known how to play, yet what was the possible incentive of lying? The pizza claim was also doubtful. How could a cheerleading captain really eat a whole pizza? Then again, she was skipping practice to hang out with them… Tom brought out some 2 liter sodas for them to drink, and Michelle greedily guzzled hers directly from the bottle. Afterwards, she let out a little burp, and then blushed. Michelle didn’t even bother using a paper plate. She simply dragged her pizza box over to where she was sitting and ate the pizza directly out of it. Before she ate, she pulled open as many of the little packets of red pepper and parmesan cheese as she could find and doused her pizza. She tore open one of the little packets a bit clumsily and cheese flew everywhere, creating a huge mess. Some landed on the carpet, and some landed on her clothes, and a few little crumbs landed on her chest and slightly exposed cleavage. She quickly grabbed a napkin and tried to clean everything up, blushing yet again. Tom noticed Alan looking at this spectacle with what appeared to be a mix of curiosity and revolution on his face. Tom was simply amused. Michelle began to chow down on her pieces of pizza in earnest. She took large bites, chewed noisily, and failed to catch dribbling grease from the slice more than a couple of times. She was cramming them down as she was starved, and as Tom gazed at her impossibly thin waistline, he guessed that she might as well have been. “Hey Tom?” Michelle asked, shaking him out of his staring. “Uh, yeah?” Tom replied. “Are you going to eat your crusts?” Chapter Six: The Transformation When Michelle excused herself to go to the bathroom, Tom and Alan had a chance to talk amongst themselves for the first time in hours. “Well, what do you think? Isn’t this the best day of your life?” Tom exclaimed excitedly. “Well, yeah…” Alan said reluctantly. “Well yeah, nothing! I thought she was totally out of your league, but every thing we do impresses her. She’s really the best of both words in the flesh.” “Yeah,” Alan agreed, again with a tone of reluctance in his voice. “I never really expected this, you know…that she’d be such a cool…buddy.” “What’s going on, Alan? Buddy? Buddy? This is Michelle you’re talking about. Are you blind?” Tom asked incredulously. “Well she is hot. But I don’t know – there’s just something wrong. I mean, how did she pick up chess and D & D that fast? And some of her mannerisms are so…not cheerleader. There’s just a really weird vibe going on for me, to be honest.” Alan said. Tom debated if explaining the wish he had made would offer clarification for his friend, or if it would just cause him to think Tom was nuts. Before he reached a decision, Michelle walked back in the room. Tom immediately noticed something different about her – but he couldn’t quite place it. After a few moments of impo
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