Their Assholes

Their Assholes
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by

Jay

2 years ago

98.6k Views

1 Comment

I didn’t want to give the COVID-19 (Coronavirus) pandemic any more exposure since our last feature as it is just dominating the news worldwide, but the world has gone insane and people are showing their true side!
With most of us acting in a responsible way such as washing our hands more frequently and social distancing, we have to remember we live in a world of anti-vaxxers , climate change deniers and flat-earth theorists !
What doesn’t help is the media and social media whipping up a scaremongering storm which is resulting in these people losing their Godamn minds and resorting to panic buying, hoarding, profiteering or just acting like total jerkoffs!
Why the f**k are people hoarding toilet paper!
A caffeine based life form. Current Editor-in-Chief here at Joyenergizer.
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The few I've asked about it tended to just say, "oh well I just wipe my bum properly like most girls do", but it's more than just keeping good regular hygiene. For example I wipe mine good enough so that I know it's dry and that there are no shit stains on my underwear, but I don't actually check to see it's appearance. And when your excrement doesn't come out the way you'd want to, and you have to be thorough to wipe it off your ass, as opposed to wiping it around!

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That went into a little more detail that what I was prepared for this early in the morning. Apparently ugly girls have dirty assholes? I'm confused about the connection between being "hot" and having a clean butt.

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WTF? Seriously? I just went downstairs and demanded to check my wifes asshole. I wanted to see if she was a hot chick or not. Luckily, she's hot...or just knows how to use toilet paper....but it really was lucky because I'm blind so I had to do a taste test. Whew! :afro:

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i really do wish bidets existed on this continent. just seems like such a convenience.

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I presume hot women(the ones that regularly have sex), have some sort of code for keeping their assholes clean...

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So is this an official part of girl code?

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So how does the guy code work on this? What if I'm a hot dude but I don't use my butt hole during sex? Do I still have to keep it immaculate? If I'm a little more homely....can I save some money on toilet paper? I'm just trying to figure out the economics of it.

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I'm guessing if you're a hot guy you're probably getting a blow job. Any hot girl that is in close of proximity of your downstairs area would probably appreciate a tidy butthole. I guess if you're homely it's going to be hard to find a hot girl to go down on you. You'll be stuck with the ugly girls with dirty butts anyway so yeah, you only need to use 2 squares of toilet paper.

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i really do wish bidets existed on this continent. just seems like such a convenience.

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Indeed, but what has it to do with clean buttholes?
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Discussion in ' Genitalia ' started by JohnFashion , Jan 27, 2014 .

Sex. Celebrity. Politics. With Teeth
Sex. Celebrity. Politics. With Teeth
Sunbathe Your Asshole, for Wellness
Jezebel's Crush of the Week: Bella Hadid in 'Ramy'
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Jezebel's Crush of the Week: Bella Hadid in 'Ramy'
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Last night, while engaging in my favorite evening activity—procrastinating and feeling morally superior on Twitter—I stumbled upon a viral tweet that read, “People out here butt-chugging sunlight,” and included a screenshot of the above Instagram image . In it, a woman who goes by the name Metaphysical Meagan and possesses a little less than 6,000 followers (she’s 4,000 shy of the microinfluencer title ), is seen posing nude. Her legs are extended far above her torso, as if she were about to strap them into the most painful lithotomy stirrups at an OB-GYN appointment in hell. She is doing this, according to her caption, as a part of some process called “perineum sunning.” She’s quite literally sunbathing her asshole, for wellness. You know, the vibes , man.
In the post, she explains that “30 seconds of sunlight on your butthole is the equivalent of a full day of sunlight with your clothes on,” and that it is “an ancient Taoist practice that’s been around for a while!” (Yes, because that is what “ancient” means.) A few weeks after her initial post, presumably because more and more people went to her page to comment after finding various jokes about it online, Metaphysical Meagan posted the photo on Instagram for a second time, now with an outrageously long caption meant to correct any misinformation. She explains that suntanning your asshole is meant to promote the “health & longevity of the physical body,” increase “creativity and creative output” and aid “in a healthy libido & balanced sexual energy.” It is definitely “NOT TO TAN YOUR BUTTHOLE‼️‼️” Also, “sunscreen is not required.”
I think I would very much enjoy taking shrooms with this woman at Joshua Tree.
So, there you have it. Sunbathe your asshole for a boost of energy. Hell, at least this is a practice that won’t set you back hundreds of dollars or second degree vaginal burns *, like those wellness scams at Goop .
A brief search did turn up some blogs about the Taoist practice of sunning your Yoni and potentially your taint , but nothing asshole-specific. If any Jezebel readers are an expert in this field, I would love to know more. Also, back in 2014, actor Shailene Woodley wrote an essay in which she recommended people try sunbathing their vaginas, so there’s that.
Summer skincare Their Art Deco sugar scrub sloughs off dead skin, and solid body butters, like the grapefruit and May Chang bar with shea butter, smooth everything out.
*Actually, I’m not so sure about the vaginal burns. Maybe don’t sit outside with your anus exposed for too long.

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