The wedding (part 2)

Where did the newlyweds meet?

The most common places to meet were çeşme (fountains) and çoqraq (springs), where girls would collect water. They also met at other people’s weddings: if a girl came out to dance several times, it was a sign that someone liked her. They also met on major holidays celebrations, and there was a tradition on Hıdırlez: girls baked special bread, wrapped it in embroidered scarves, and rolled it down the hill. They agreed among themselves which colour fabric and embroidery would be used not to confuse them. The boys would wait at the foot of the hill to catch the package: the first one to do so would marry the gitl who owns the package.

Söz kesim.

Qudalar went to woo a girl, these could be relatives of the groom or respected people of the village. The groom and his family did not take part in this. Thursday was considered the best day for matchmaking. The matchmakers would talk to the girl’s parents and also take a look at her.

Usually, parents did not give their consent immediately, setting a date for the matchmakers when they were ready to give an answer. At that time, the girl’s relatives tried to find out as much as possible about the guy and his family. It was not customary to turn down a matchmaker, so in such cases, parents would come up with other reasons, such as that their daughter was too young or had to study, etc. The matchmakers’ shoes could also be pointed in the opposite direction from the door: this was a sign that they would not be expected at that house anymore. The last day of matchmaking was called söz kesim, when the bride’s father announced the final decision. A meal between the two families was a symbolic agreement.

After the parents agreed, all the property responsibilities of the two parties were agreed upon. The responsibilities of the bride’s family were:

1.      The bride’s dowry (mostly items of clothing, utensils, furniture for the future home).

2.      Gifts to the groom and his relatives (for nişan) and the wedding itself.

The groom had more responsibilities:

1.      To pay naht to the bride’s father, i.e. to return part of the money spent on the bride’s dowry. Naht often included gifts for the bride herself.

2.      Gifts from the groom to the bride’s relatives for nişan and the wedding itself. The groom’s side also paid for nişan.

3.      Mahr, the bride’s property to which the husband has no right. The bride chooses what she wants to receive as mahr.

If a widow or widower married a person who had never been married before, they were paid compensation for their “lost honour”.

After the property issues were resolved, the matchmaking proceeded to consolidate the marriage agreement. In fact, the bride’s father gave a positive or negative answer to the matchmakers, but there were certain established verbal forms of asking for the consent of other family members, and the father answered the matchmakers’ questions: “Qısmet olursa, ebet olur” (“If fate has decided so, then everything will work out”). Then he would ask his wife, to which she would usually reply: “Sizge munasip, mağa da munasip” (“If you have decided so, then I do not mind”). Then they asked their daughter, who replied: “Anam, babam nasıl munasip körse, öyle olur” (“As my parents wish, so it will be”). There is also a custom of the bride giving her consent to marriage in a symbolic form: she stood behind a screen and, at the third question of the matchmakers, raised the hem of her dress or stuck out her foot. After discussions and final agreements, the parties exchanged gifts.

Nişan is the most important pre-wedding stage. It is held about a month or two weeks before the wedding. Thursday was considered the best day for it. On this day, gifts were exchanged between the families and guests and nişan duası (a prayer) was held. It was held at the bride’s home; the groom and his parents were not involved in this rite. On the eve or on the day of the engagement, a sacrifice was made, usually of one or two rams; the meat was then used to prepare ceremonial dishes. Matchmakers and guests were treated to a coffee, followed by a joint prayer, then an exchange of gifts and a joint meal.

The prayer was performed separately, first on the boy’s side before the matchmakers left for the bride, and then on the girl’s side. The mullah was usually invited to the girl’s house, and older family members and respectable elderly neighbours were invited to the prayer. The ceremony was announced several days or weeks in advance. Everyone who went to prayer had to perform abdest, a rite of ablution, according to Muslim tradition. Nişan duası is a spiritual blessing of marriage and a remembrance of deceased ancestors. The prayer service ended with a prayer over all the things that were intended as gifts for both parties. At the end of the prayer, the host of the house would distribute a donation – sadaqa – to all participants.

Then the gifts were inspected, and both parties wrapped them in a silk handkerchief and placed a package of sweets on top for the person who would open them. The boğça (a gift) was opened by either a married woman who had only one nikâh or a small child, preferably a boy. A gift was also given to matchmakers, from each side separately. All the gifts were kept at the bride’s home, and every guest who came to congratulate the bride could see the gifts. Then the celebration began.

The women and men were in separate rooms. The young man invited a few of his unmarried friends, and the young woman treated her friends to sweets, honey and coffee. Tomalaq şorba (soup), botqa (wheat porridge with meat and raisins), çilteri (thin cakes made of unleavened dough), qavurma (roasted lamb), musles (fruit juice), boza (low-alcohol drink), hoşaf (compote) were served on the table. After dua, pepper, knives and forks were not allowed on the table.

After the engagement, the boy could see the girl, but only at night near her window (pencerege keldi). The parents pretended not to notice their meetings. The groom would bring gifts, and the bride would give him an embroidered shawl.

The wedding process is divided into:

1. Celebrations at the bride’s house;

2. Transporting the bride to the groom’s house;

3. Celebrations at the groom’s house.

Crimean Tatars held weddings in autumn and winter, when all field work was over. It was strictly forbidden to hold weddings during the holy month of Ramadan. Closer to the pre-determined date, the groom would send matchmakers to the bride’s family to determine a specific wedding date, and then active preparations would begin. The wedding usually lasted three to four days, usually starting on Sunday, Monday or Thursday. A few weeks beforehand, the bride’s father would gather all the close relatives and neighbours, and all the organisational aspects would be distributed among them. Men would slaughter cattle, women would prepare food, and there would be music and singing.

A few days before the wedding, the groom would send ağırlıq (gifts for the bride and her family), and the messengers would be given a pouch, a towel and a shirt. In addition to gifts, the groom would also send cattle, horses and oxen for guests from other villages. After the ağırlıq, the bride was covered with a perde, which she could not remove until the end of the wedding. On the third day, a terciqadın was invited to sew dresses for the bride. All this time, the bride was accompanied by her friends, who helped finish collecting the dowry. After all the preparations, they began to invite people to the wedding, which was done by cerçi.

Sources:

1. «Весілля кримських татар: традиційні форми та трансформації»,

2. «Обрядові страви на кримськотатарському традиційному весіллі»

Article by Sultaniie Zeinidinova, Daria Piskun, Anna Zikranets, Olena Sudak, Mamure Chabanova