The story of Alisa from Odessa
Alisa, Odessa
Cosplayer
I was preparing for a trip to Kyiv for a cosplay photo session and was supposed to leave on February 25 since I planned to celebrate my birthday in early March. I made a promise to come to my parents at the end of March, to visit them.
My boyfriend considered himself apolitical and didn’t believe it. I was thinking: “What kind of war can happen in 2022? Especially at such a massive scale. Doesn't life and history teach anyone? Unfortunately, the Russian-Ukrainian war has been going on for more than a year [conflicts between Russia and Ukraine started in 2014]; I hoped that it wouldn't affect the whole country.
It was a regular workday: I was working remotely and woke up at 9. At 7 in the morning, my mother started calling me (I didn’t talk to her for six months for personal reasons). "Why don't you answer the phone?" - she was crying and I didn't understand what was going on. "The war has begun, turn on the TV." I opened the Internet and was horrified: I woke up my boyfriend, immediately rushed to the store. The panic was all around: people with suitcases, all frightened. An elderly man that was standing in the line said that he always knew that the Russians can't get enough of our blood.
I was constantly reading news feeds: it was very difficult to understand what actions I should take. I could neither eat nor work normally, I slept on alarm clocks. I was going to bed at 1 AM, then woke up at three, at five and half-past five and after that went to bed and slept until 10 PM. The first week of the war passed in a daze. And at this point every week feels like a month - as if there was no normal life before.
Every day is the most frightening one. I always had an optimistic view, I am certain of the victory and so on but I see the cost of this victory. Before the war, we had wonderful roads, cities, squares, and various events were held in the cities. Our cities are not perfect, as is the case everywhere else: there are drug addicts, and drunkards, but they are a minority, it is not close to the “70% of the Nazi population” that Russian propaganda is talking about.
I am very touched by people who show humanity. Millions of volunteers are now involved in the territory of Ukraine, they help people find new homes, and shelters, and share their grief with them. And that's just inside the country! It shows humanity at an incredible scale.
I always thought that we were perceived as peasants: Malorossiya [Little Russia], fertile land, illiteracy and nothing more than that. Consequently, a disparaging attitude as a result. However, I hear about humanity everywhere all over the globe, from my acquaintances and on Twitter, where I get most of the information and people’s personal stories. This is very inspiring. This is the extermination of selfishness in each of us.
My heart hurts for every person: alive or dead, no matter what nationality. My heart aches for Rubizhne - a city in the Luhansk region, which Russia sawed into two parts, set up its block stations and frisk everyone who catches their eye. The parents of my very close friend got out of there, she no longer has a home and her beloved cats. Only her parents were able to escape and survive - she will never forgive this. So, in fact, do I, because no one deserved this hell. People invested their soul, money, energy and time in their lives, in their comfort zone, and it was all destroyed at the touch of a button.
When I was at my lowest, I made notes so that no one would even think about what was happening in my soul. Because for all my sorrows I was told - "leave". But it’s impossible to run away from problems. The war has already been ingrained in each of us and seeped into the bones.
“It's very hard for me. It's very hard for me, and I'm trying my best not to cry, to take everything with humour, but my humour is running out. My parents are leaving today. Aunt, mother, brothers: all because of the bastards who decided to take and breach my ordinary weekdays. The weekdays, when I used to forget to call my parents because I was very busy. Or when I could allow myself not to read the news for 3-4 days. To just destroy a quiet life, call it all a fucking special operation and say that we’re going to... "