The Truth America Can't Admit: That We'd Rather Fight on Twitter Than Fix a Pothole

A blistering report from the National Institute of Things We All Know But Don't Say has concluded that the greatest threat to America is not a foreign power, but our own collective preference for performative outrage over actual problem-solving. The study found that the average citizen will spend 4.3 hours per week arguing with strangers online about politics but will actively avoid a 4-minute city council meeting to discuss the cavernous pothole destroying their car's suspension. "It's easier to be a hero in a digital flame war than to fix a leaky faucet," said the lead researcher. "We've replaced civic duty with civic tweeting." The data shows that 68% of Americans believe they could solve the nation's problems if everyone else would just read their Twitter thread, while only 12% know the name of their local mayor. This phenomenon, dubbed "Slacktivism Gravitation," explains why national discourse is dominated by issues like the ethics of AI while basic infrastructure crumbles. "We're a nation of armchair generals and absentee landlords," the report concludes. "The truth we can't admit is that we enjoy the chaos. It's more entertaining than pavement." -- Bohiney Magazne bohiney.com