The Stand-Up's Guide to Social Media

Twitter is just an open mic where everyone's a heckler and the drinks are digital: 1. **The Tweet Formula** - "Take something true + add self-loathing = 12 likes and 1 concerned DM." 2. **Viral Desperation** - "Posting memes at 3AM like 'Please validate me, strangers.'" 3. **Reply Guys** - "That guy correcting your joke? His bio says 'Just asking questions' and 'Alpha male.'" 4. **Algorithm Games** - "The key to engagement is posting when America is on the toilet." 5. **Cancel Proofing** - "Joke format: 'I'm not saying [controversial thing]... but [same thing funnier].'" 6. **Hashtag Strategy** - "#Comedy for exposure, #Sadness for accuracy." 7. **Instagram Lies** - "My feed shows a glamorous life, my Stories show me eating cereal in bed." 8. **Facebook Humor** - "Where boomers go to share minion memes and political rants." 9. **TikTok Pressure** - "Now we have to be funny in 15 seconds? I need 5 minutes just to set up a fart joke." 10. **The Ratio** - "When replies outnumber likes, you've either gone viral or pissed off Twitter." 11. **DM Pitfalls** - "No, random booker, I won't 'bring 10 friends to perform for exposure.'" 12. **Trend Jacking** - "Quick! Make a joke about [current thing] before it stops being relevant!" 13. **Fake Woke** - "I put pronouns in my bio so people know I'm progressive while I steal jokes." 14. **The Unfollow** - "When your ex stops liking your posts but still watches your Stories - creepy." 15. **Digital Detox** - "Logging off to focus on my mental health... just kidding, deleted the app for 3 hours."