The Sexy Joke 2

The Sexy Joke 2
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Sarah goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an example of a multi-syllable word?" Sarah waves her hand, "Me, Miss Rogers, me, me!" Miss Rogers says, "All right, Sarah, what is your multi-syllable word?" Sarah says, "Mas-tur-bate." Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, Sarah, that's a mouthful." Sarah says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob."

A few months after his parents were divorced, little Johnny passed by his mom's bedroom and saw her rubbing her body and moaning, "I need a man, I need a man!" Over the next couple of months, he saw her doing this several times. One day, he came home from school and heard her moaning. When he peeked into her bedroom, he saw a man on top of her. Little Johnny ran into his room, took off his clothes, threw himself on his bed, started stroking himself, and moaning, "Ohh, I need a bike! I need a bike!"

At school, Little Johnny's classmate tells him that most adults are hiding at least one dark secret, so it's very easy to blackmail them by saying, "I know the whole truth." Little Johnny decides to go home and try it out. Johnny's mother greets him at home, and he tells her, "I know the whole truth." His mother quickly hands him $20 and says, "Just don't tell your father." Quite pleased, the boy waits for his father to get home from work, and greets him with, "I know the whole truth." The father promptly hands him $40 and says, "Please don't say a word to your mother." Very pleased, the boy is on his way to school the next day when he sees the mailman at his front door. The boy greets him by saying, "I know the whole truth." The mailman immediately drops the mail, opens his arms, and says, "Then come give your Daddy a great big hug!"

A lady goes to the doctor and complains that her husband is losing interest in sex. The doctor gives her a pill, but warns her that it's still experimental. He tells her to slip it into his mashed potatoes at dinner, so that night, she does just that. About a week later, she’s back at the doctor, where she says, "Doc, the pill worked great! I put it in the potatoes like you said! It wasn't five minutes later that he jumped up, raked all the food and dishes onto the floor, grabbed me, ripped all my clothes off, and ravaged me right there on the table!" The doctor says, "I’m sorry, we didn’t realize the pill was that strong! The foundation will be glad to pay for any damages." "Nah," she says, "that's okay. We're never going back to that restaurant anyway."

A man is lying on the beach, wearing nothing but a cap over his crotch. A woman passing by remarks, "If you were any sort of a gentleman, you would lift your hat to a lady." He replies, "If you were any sort of a sexy lady, the hat would lift by itself."

Little Sally came home from school with a smile on her face, and told her mother, "Frankie Brown showed me his weenie today at the playground!" Before the mother could raise a concern, Sally went on to say, "It reminded me of a peanut." Relaxing with a hidden smile, Sally's mom asked, "Really small, was it?" Sally replied, "No, salty." Mom fainted.

A bride tells her husband, "Honey, you know I'm a virgin and I don't know
anything about sex. Can you explain it to me first?" "Okay, sweetheart. Putting it simply, we will call your private place 'the prison' and call my private thing 'the prisoner'. So what we do is put the prisoner in the prison." And they made love for the first time and the husband was smiling with satisfaction. Nudging him, his bride giggles, "Honey the prisoner seems to have escaped." Turning on his side, he smiles and says, "Then we will have to re-imprison him." After the second time, the bride says, "Honey, the prisoner is out again!" The husband rises to the occasion and they made love again. The bride again says, "Honey, the prisoner escaped again," to which the husband yelled, "Hey, it's not a life sentence!!!"

One day, there were two boys playing by a stream. One of the young boys saw a bush and went over to it. The other boy couldn't figure out why his friend was at the bush for so long. The other boy went over to the bush and looked. The two boys were looking at a woman bathing naked in the stream. All of a sudden, the second boy took off running. The first boy couldn't understand why he ran away, so he took off after his friend. Finally, he caught up to him and asked why he ran away. The boy said to his friend, "My mom told me if I ever saw a naked lady, I would turn to stone, and I felt something getting hard, so I ran."

There is an overweight guy who is watching TV. A commercial comes on for a guaranteed weight loss of 10 pounds in a week. So the guy, thinking what the hell, signs up for it. Next morning an incredibly beautiful woman is standing at his door in nothing but a pair of running shoes and a sign about her neck that reads, "If you can catch me, you can have me." As soon as he sees her, she takes off running. He tries to catch her, but is unable. This continues for a week, at the end of which, the man has lost 10 pounds. After this he tries the next weight loss plan, 15 pounds in a week. The next morning an even more beautiful woman is standing at the door, in similar conditions. The same happens with her as the first woman, except he almost catches her. This continues for a week, at the end of which he, as suspected, weighs 15 pounds less. Excited about this success, he decides to do the master program. Before he signs up, he is required to sign a waiver and is warned about the intensity of this plan. Still he signs up. The next morning, waiting at the door, is a hulking 300 pound muscle man with nothing but a pair of running shoes, a raging erection, and a sign around his neck that says, "If I catch you, you're mine!" The man was supposed to lose 25 pounds in the week; he lost 34.

A man was having premature ejaculation problems so he went to the doctor. The doctor said, "When you feel like you are getting ready to ejaculate, try startling yourself." That same day the man went to the store and bought himself a starter pistol and ran home to his wife. That night the two were having sex and found themselves in the 69 position. The man felt the urge to ejaculate and fired the starter pistol. The next day he went back to the doctor who asked how it went. The man answered, "Not well. When I fired the pistol, my wife pooped on my face, bit three inches off my penis, and my neighbor came out of the closet with his hands in the air."

Two cowboys are out on the range talking about their favorite sex position. One says, "I think I enjoy the rodeo position the best." "I don't think I have ever heard of that one," says the other cowboy. "What is it?" "Well, it's where you get your girl down on all four, and you mount her from behind. Then you reach around, cup her t*ts, and whisper in her ear, 'boy these feel almost as nice as your sisters.' Then you try and hold on for 30 seconds."

A wife comes home late one night and quietly opens the door to her bedroom. From under the blanket, she sees four legs instead of just her husband's two. She reaches for a baseball bat and starts hitting the blanket as hard as she can. Once she's done, she goes to the kitchen to have a drink. As she enters, she sees her husband there, reading a magazine. He says, "Hi darling, your parents have come to visit us, so I let them stay in our bedroom. Did you say hello?"

frustrated? trapped? bad mood? I hope these beautiful jokes help cheering you up!
Oguwale Tobi March 27, 2013, 11:39 am
Muhammad Sani April 2, 2013, 4:45 pm
Randy May Humple April 16, 2013, 8:20 am
Chew Bee Keng April 22, 2013, 8:22 am
CatGirl February 10, 2022, 9:59 am
Stauffer Randy June 28, 2013, 12:03 am
Paddy was planning to get married and asked his doctor how he could tell if his bride is a virgin.
The doctor said, “Well, you need three things from a do it yourself shop. A can of red paint, a can of blue paint… and a shovel.” Paddy asked, “And what do I do with these, doc?”
The doctor replied, “Before the wedding night, you paint one of your testicles red and the other one blue. If she says, ‘That’s the strangest pair of balls I ever saw.’, you hit her with the shovel.”
John woke up one morning immensely aroused so he turned over to his wife’s side of the bed. His wife, Heather, had already awakened though, and she was downstairs preparing breakfast in the kitchen.
Afraid that he might spoil things by getting up, John called his little boy into he room and asked him to take this note to your beautiful mommy. The note read:
The Tent Pole Is Up, The Canvas Is Spread, The Hell With Breakfast, Come Back To Bed.
Heather, grinning, answered the note and then asked her son to take this to your silly daddy. Her note read:
Take The Tent Pole Down, Put The Canvas Away, The Monkey Had A Hemorrhage, No Circus Today.
John read the note and quickly scribbled a reply. Then, he asked his son to take it back to the lady in the kitchen. His note read:
The Tent Pole’s Still Up, And The Canvas Still Spread, So Drop What You’re Doing, And Come Give Me Some Head.
Laughing, Heather answered the note and then asked her son to take this to the poor dude upstairs. Her note read:
I’m Sure That Your Pole’s The Best In The Land. But I’m Busy Right Now, So Do It By Hand.
A man calls 911 emergency: Come immediately, my little son has swallowed a condom!
After five minutes, the same man calls back: It is ok, I found another one.
A drunk guy walks into a bar and walks up to a guy and says, “I just had sex with your mom!” The guy walks away angrily.
A few minutes later the drunk guy comes up to the guy again and says, “I just had great sex with your mom!” The guy walks away angrily.
A few minutes later the drunk guy comes up to him again and says, “I just had the best sex ever with your mom!” The guy now says, “Shut up dad! You’re drunk again!”
Q: Why is 68 the maximum speed for blondes? A: Because at 69 they blow a rod.
Johnny noticed that Jimmy was wearing a brand new, shiny watch. “Did you get that for your birthday?” – asked Johnny.
“Nope.” – replied Jimmy. “Well, did you get it for Christmas then?” Again Jimmy said “Nope.” “You didn’t steal it, did you?” – asked Johnny.
“No,” said Jimmy. “I went into Mom and Dad’s bedroom the other night when they were ‘doing the nasty’. Dad gave me his watch to get rid of me.”
Johnny was extremely impressed with this idea, and extremely jealous of Jimmy’s new watch. He vowed to get one for himself. That night, he waited outside his parents’ bedroom until he heard the unmistakable noises of lovemaking.
Just then, he swung the door wide open and boldly strode into the bedroom. His father, caught in mid stroke, turned and said angrily. “What do you want now?” “I wanna watch,” Johnny replied.
Without missing a stroke, his father said, “Fine. Stand in the corner and watch, but keep quiet.”
Johnny’s girlfriend was in labor with they first child. She was shouting out, “Get this out of me? Give me the drugs.”
She looked at him and said, “You did this to me you *******!”
He casually replied, “If you would care to remember, I wanted to stick it up your *** but you said, ‘it’ll be too painful!’.”
An out-of-breath 7 year-old girl ran up to her grandfather, who was tinkering in his workshop, and confronted him with the universally dreaded (by adults) question, “What is sex…?”
He was surprised she’d ask such a question at her age, but thought if she’s old enough to ask, she’s old enough to get a straight answer. He wouldn’t shirk his responsibility.
Steeling himself to leave nothing out, he proceeded to describe for her all the variations of human sexuality he could conjure, careful to impress upon her the joys and responsibilities of intercourse and procreation.
When finally Grandpa was done pontificating, the little girl stood frozen, as though nailed to the spot, and looked at him with her mouth open, eyes wide in amazement.
Seeing she was overwhelmed, he asked what caused her sudden curiosity. His granddaughter shook off her reverie and replied, “Grandma says dinner will be ready in a couple of secs.”
Omg they are so funny hahahahahhahahahhahhahahahaahaha
These were very funny I loved them hahahahahahahahahahah
How do you know if a redneck is married? If there are two spit stans on both sides of a truck.
Hi dudes I really like these jokes they making me laugh the whole night…
I loved it! I mean that happened to me once!
Wait that wasn’t right, I walked into my friends room one night and caught her having sex! hahahahaha
One day a vampire goes to a bar and asks for a pint of blood but doesn’t get any and walks out… A couple of minutes later he returns and asks for a cup of hot water… The bartender, confused, asks him why he needs hot water…? Vampire: I found a used tampoon and wanted to make tea…
A woman was having sex in an apartment 20 floors high with another man. She then heard her husband coming… she told her lover to stay like a robot and not to move. Husband: What is this? Wife: This is a robot, I bought to have sex with
Busty Dolly
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