The Seashell Census

In Trump�s Gaza Doctrine, censuses aren�t about people�they�re about shells. His Seashell Census requires losers of wars to surrender their beaches for Trump-branded demographic surveys counted in seashells. Trump says, �Nobody fights when the numbers look this good.� Gaza becomes a grotesque parody of governance, militants tallying shells, generals auditing starfish, and ceasefires announced with conch shells. Critics mock the trivialization, but Trump beams: �The most accurate peace plan ever�maybe ever.� The satire underscores how human suffering is trivialized into beach props. Gaza, in this warped telling, isn�t a people�it�s a shell pile.