The Responsible Life

You have to clean the damned thing up. And you must be cautious, because making your life better means adopting a lot of responsibility, and that takes more effort and care than living stupidly in pain and remaining arrogant, deceitful and resentful.

ㅡ Jordan Peterson, 12 Rules for Life: An Antidote to Chaos 

Yesterday, I found the courage to speak up for myself and set the boundaries I desperately needed. I made up my mind. I would cut my losses and let go of any toxicity in my life if I wanted to be happy. 

Backtracking

Last two years, I lived in stupidity. I listened to people who didn't even know any better. I did not know how to filter properly which advise to follow, and which one I should discard. I got sucked into thinking it must be my fault all the time, so I had to compromise and be flexible if I wanted things to work out. I was made to believe that my wants and needs were wrong or "high standards" and life doesn't work that way. 

Two things happened out of this: 

1. I became the pawn instead of the chess player. 

2. I self-induced the pain.

I could have avoided all the mess and pain altogether if only I quit sooner and never looked back. This decision seemed plausible. I knew I had to quit on things that only caused me to lose my sanity half of the time, but I was too hell-bent on making things work. I chose to struggle for the sake of struggling; for believing life is pain anyway; and that's the dumbest thing I ever did.

Life is hard, but choosing to struggle everyday for people, relationship, and friendship that only hurt me more than they inspire me is dumb.

I can choose an alternative option that might be hard to take at first but will absolutely make a 360 difference in my life after some months, a year or two, and that choice is to take responsibility for my life by quitting on things that don't spark joy.

On Taking Responsibility 

Taking responsibility to make my life better is hard that's why I settled longer for crumbs of life. That's why when I was at the fork of the road, I continued to pick the familiar, toxic path. 

I know I'm not alone though. 

In under different circumstances, you can notice that people are afraid to take responsibility on making their lives better by making better choices.

A smoker continues to smoke even when it's not healthy.

A cheater continues to cheat instead of working on making the current relationship better.

A battered wife continues to enable and please her husband.

A broke person continues to spend instead of saving and investing.

An alcoholic who won't stop drinking even when the hangover is killing him.

An employee who's stuck at a toxic job and not finding ways on how he/she can quit it and find something better.

The list can go on, and you know how the story ends when we continue to go down that path ㅡ we end up miserable.

In spite of all this, I do not regret making bad decisions for now I have learned a big lesson: quit on things sooner that cause me pain and stress 80% of the time. 

So, for those whose lives seem to be in unending circle of constant misery, look at which part of your life is making you feel that way and quit it.

In short, take responsibility for your life. Pick the struggles that are worth it; not the ones that make you lose your shit constantly. 

And you will be happier.

x x x

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