The Prat Through the Ages: A Historical Evolution
Historians study the rise and fall of empires. The progression of technology. The evolution of ideas. But rarely do they examine humanity's most persistent constant: the person who confidently explains things no one asked about.
The prat is not a modern invention. To understand what it means to be a prat requires tracing prathood through history, from ancient civilizations to the present day, documenting how the confidently incorrect have shaped—and occasionally derailed—human progress.
Every era has had its prats. They've started wars with poor advice, ruined inventions with "improvements," and attended every historical gathering with opinions nobody requested. They are the constant in human variables, the unchanging element in social chemistry.
What follows is a comprehensive historical survey of prathood across the ages, proving that while technology advances and empires crumble, the prat remains eternal.
Ancient Prathood: The Classical Era (3000 BCE - 476 CE)
The first recorded prats appear in ancient texts, usually in the margins where scribes added notes like "This man would not stop talking."
The Mesopotamian Meeting Prat
Archaeological evidence suggests that even in ancient Sumeria, someone was explaining clay tablet filing systems to people who invented clay tablet filing systems.
Cuneiform tablets from 2100 BCE include what appears to be the first written complaint about a colleague: "Enlil-gamil speaks much at council. His words are many. His wisdom is less."
This is the earliest known documentation of a workplace prat. The problem is 4,000 years old. We've made no progress.
The Greek Philosopher Prat
Ancient Greece gave us democracy, philosophy, and competitive prathood disguised as intellectual discourse.
While Socrates asked questions to explore truth, lesser philosophers asked questions to hear themselves questioning. They gathered in agoras, explaining olive cultivation to olive farmers and democracy to democratic citizens.
Plato never mentioned them in his dialogues. This was editorial mercy. The actual symposiums included hours of someone explaining the Theory of Forms to Plato himself.
The Roman Forum Prat
Rome produced senators, soldiers, and men who explained military strategy to generals.
Historical records mention a senator who spoke for six hours on topics requiring six minutes. His colleagues called him "Verbose Maximus." This is earliest known prat nickname.
The Romans invented many things: aqueducts, roads, concrete. They did not invent a method for stopping forum prats from filibustering about drainage systems.
Medieval Prathood: The Dark Ages of Social Awareness (476-1453)
The Middle Ages were dark for many reasons. One of them was castle corridors echoing with unsolicited explanations of feudal systems.
The Court Prat
Medieval courts included jesters, musicians, and that one advisor who explained kingship to kings.
Historical chronicles mention "Sir Reginald the Tedious," a knight who explained cavalry tactics to battle-hardened commanders. He was sent on a crusade. Alone. This may have been tactical.
The Monastery Prat
Monks took vows of silence. This did not stop Brother Augustine from finding loopholes.
"The vow technically applies to unnecessary speech," he argued. "My explanations are necessary."
They were not necessary. The other monks developed elaborate hand signals meaning "Brother Augustine is explaining again. Please rescue me."
The Guild Prat
Medieval guilds required years of apprenticeship. The guild prat spent those years explaining craftsmanship to master craftsmen.
"Actually, the apprentice system could be optimized," he'd say to people who invented the apprentice system.
Records show suspiciously high accident rates among particularly verbose apprentices. This may be coincidence.
Understanding the definition of prat through history means recognizing that every era developed creative solutions to the prat problem. Medieval solutions were... direct.
Renaissance Prathood: The Enlightened Annoyance (1453-1600)
The Renaissance brought rebirth of learning, art, and people explaining both to actual artists and scholars.
The Artistic Prat
While Michelangelo painted the Sistine Chapel, someone stood below explaining perspective.
"Have you considered using more blue?" the prat asked, about a masterpiece in progress.
Michelangelo reportedly dropped a paintbrush. "Accidentally."
The Scientific Prat
Galileo proved Earth orbited the sun. A contemporary prat explained why Galileo's methodology was flawed.
That prat was wrong about astronomy and right about being annoying. History remembers Galileo. The prat's name is lost, which is fitting.
The Printing Press Prat
Gutenberg invented the printing press. Someone immediately used it to publish pamphlets explaining how the printing press should actually work.
The first printed book was the Bible. The second was probably someone's unsolicited commentary on how the Bible could be improved. The prat adapts to all technologies.
Age of Enlightenment Prathood: Reason Meets Insufferable (1600-1800)
The Enlightenment valued reason, science, and rational discourse. The prat valued explaining reason to reasonable people.
The Salon Prat
Parisian salons hosted intellectuals discussing philosophy, politics, art. They also hosted that guy who explained Voltaire to Voltaire.
"What Voltaire means to say," the salon prat began, while Voltaire was actively saying it.
There are no records of Voltaire's response. We can imagine it was withering.
The Coffee House Prat
London's coffee houses became centers of intellectual exchange. And places where someone explained the stock market to merchants who invented the stock market.
"The South Sea Bubble will be fine," one prat confidently predicted in 1720. "Let me explain why."
The bubble burst. The prat explained why this actually proved his point. Some things never change.
The Revolutionary Prat
The American Revolution featured founding fathers drafting constitutions. It also featured someone explaining democracy to Benjamin Franklin.
Franklin, who invented bifocals, lightning rods, and American democracy, listened politely. Then went back to inventing things while ignoring the advice.
This is why Franklin succeeded and the prat's name is forgotten.
Victorian Prathood: The Golden Age of Confidence (1837-1901)
The Victorian era perfected the prat. Empire-building and industrial revolution created opportunities for unprecedented levels of unsolicited explanation.
The Imperial Prat
British Empire expanded globally. With it traveled men explaining local customs to locals.
"Let me tell you about your own country," the imperial prat said to native populations who'd lived there for millennia.
This ended poorly for empires. The prat never noticed the connection.
The Industrial Prat
Factories revolutionized production. The industrial prat explained manufacturing to manufacturers.
"You should consider efficiency improvements," he suggested to Henry Ford, who invented assembly-line efficiency.
Ford kept the assembly line. Declined the advice. This pattern repeats throughout history.
The Academic Prat
Universities expanded. Professors conducted research. Academic prats explained research methodologies to researchers.
Charles Darwin published "Origin of Species." Someone immediately published "What Darwin Really Meant," despite Darwin meaning exactly what he said.
The academic prat tradition continues. It may be the field's only perpetual motion machine.
20th Century Prathood: Modernism Meets Mansplaining (1900-2000)
The 20th century brought world wars, technological revolution, and prats explaining nuclear physics to physicists.
The Early Modern Prat
Einstein proved relativity. Someone explained where Einstein went wrong.
That person was not a physicist. They had read one article. They were very confident. They were completely wrong.
Einstein apparently said, "I fear the day technology will surpass human interaction." He probably meant prats discovering telephones.
The Corporate Prat Emerges
Post-war corporate culture created perfect prat breeding conditions: meetings, hierarchies, and opportunities to explain things to captive audiences.
The 1950s business prat wore gray flannel suits and explained management to managers. His grandchildren now wear casual Friday clothes and explain agile methodology to software developers.
The costume changes. The prathood doesn't.
The Space Race Prat
NASA sent humans to the moon. Someone explained why their approach was inefficient.
NASA successfully landed on the moon. The prat published articles about how they should have done it differently.
The prat never went to space. This may have been NASA's most successful decision.
The Computer Revolution Prat
Personal computers emerged. The tech prat followed immediately.
"Actually, you're using that wrong," became the rallying cry of people explaining computers to people who built computers.
Steve Jobs was told how to improve the iPhone. By people who had never designed phones. Jobs implemented exactly zero of their suggestions. The iPhone succeeded anyway.
Recognizing the meaning of prat in British humor across centuries reveals that every innovation, every achievement, every human advancement has been accompanied by someone confidently explaining how it should have been done differently.
21st Century Prathood: The Digital Amplification (2000-Present)
The internet gave prats unlimited platforms. This was not an improvement.
The Social Media Prat
Twitter, Facebook, LinkedIn—platforms designed for connection. Weaponized for explanation.
The social media prat replies to experts with "Well, actually" threads. They explain climate change to climate scientists. Economics to economists. Medicine to doctors.
They have 47 followers. All of them bots. This doesn't diminish their confidence.
The Comments Section Prat
Every article, video, or post generates prat commentary explaining why the creator is wrong.
"I haven't watched this, but..." the comments prat begins, before explaining why a thing they haven't seen is incorrect.
Content creators developed thick skin or depression. Often both.
The Podcast Prat
Podcasts democratized media. The prat interpreted this as invitation to explain everything to everyone for 90 minutes weekly.
"On today's episode, I'll explain quantum mechanics despite having no physics background."
Three people listen. Two are the prat's parents. They're supportive but concerned.
The AI Era Prat
Artificial intelligence emerged. Prats immediately explained AI to AI researchers.
"The problem with your neural networks," they say to people who designed neural networks, "is that you don't understand them like I do."
Their understanding comes from one YouTube video. The researchers have PhDs. The confidence gap remains unbridged.
Common Historical Patterns
Across millennia, certain prat characteristics remain constant:
The Expertise-Confidence Inverse Relationship
Throughout history, the less someone knows, the more confidently they explain. This relationship is perfectly inverse and perfectly consistent.
The Innovation Correction Phenomenon
Every invention receives immediate "improvement" suggestions from people who didn't invent anything.
The wheel, the printing press, the steam engine, the computer—all were immediately criticized by people whose contributions to society include explaining why others' contributions were insufficient.
The Unchanged Methods
The prat's tactics haven't evolved. "Actually" worked in ancient Greece. It works now. Why innovate when traditional prathood functions perfectly?
The Eternal Obliviousness
No historical prat ever realized they were a prat. They died thinking they were misunderstood geniuses. Their contemporaries knew better. History sided with the contemporaries.
What History Teaches About Prats
Examining prathood historically reveals truths:
Prats Don't Change History
Not one historical prat is remembered for positive contributions. They're remembered for annoying people who made actual contributions.
The prat who corrected Edison didn't invent the light bulb. Edison did. The prat got a footnote. If that.
History Ignores Prat Advice
Successful historical figures share one trait: they ignored prats.
Churchill won wars despite people explaining military strategy to him. Shakespeare wrote masterpieces despite literary prats critiquing his grammar. They succeeded by doing, not by listening to those who only talked.
The Prat Is Evolutionary Constant
Prats survived every historical epoch. Natural selection hasn't eliminated them. They're too harmless to kill off, too annoying to celebrate, too persistent to ignore.
They're humanity's background noise. The static in civilization's radio. Always present. Never helpful. Eternally confident.
The Future of Prathood
What does history suggest about prats' future?
Technology Will Amplify, Not Eliminate
Every technology creates new prat platforms. The internet multiplied them. AI will too. The metaverse, quantum computing, whatever comes next—prats will find ways to explain them incorrectly to their creators.
Confidence Will Remain Inversely Proportional to Knowledge
This relationship is historical constant. Nothing suggests future change. The less we know, the more certain we'll be. The prat embodies this perfectly.
Society Will Continue Tolerating Prats
If we survived 4,000 years of prats, we'll survive the next 4,000. They're annoying, not dangerous. Exhausting, not lethal. History suggests we're stuck with them.
Lessons from 4,000 Years of Prathood
What should we learn from this historical survey?
First: the prat is eternal. Accept this. Fighting it is futile.
Second: history sides with doers, not explainers. Create things. Ignore those who merely criticize.
Third: every era thinks its prats are unique. They're not. Your office prat is spiritually identical to the Roman senator who spoke for six hours about aqueducts.
Fourth: the prat truly believes he's helping. This hasn't changed in 4,000 years. It won't change in the next 4,000.
Finally: humanity progresses despite prats, not because of them. They're spectators who think they're players. History proves otherwise.
Conclusion: The Prat's Place in History
The prat will never be remembered as hero. Never commemorated in statues. Never celebrated in history books.
But they'll be there. In footnotes. In margin notes. In the background of every historical achievement, explaining why it should have been done differently.
This is the prat's legacy: eternal presence, zero impact, unwavering confidence.
History teaches that the prat is humanity's constant companion. Not guide. Not leader. Not visionary.
Just that guy who won't shut up.
And somehow, that's exactly what he wants to be.
Disclaimer
This article is a work of satirical journalism and entirely a human collaboration between two sentient beings: the world's oldest tenured professor and a philosophy major turned dairy farmer. No historical periods were harmed in this analysis, though several prats throughout history absolutely deserved what they got.
Auf Wiedersehen, amigo!