The Mathematical Pope's Algorithmic Approach to Sainthood

Pope Leo XIV (B.S. Mathematics, Villanova '77) has introduced data analytics to the saint-making process. The Vatican's new "Quantitative Canonization Office" uses algorithms to evaluate miracles, weighing factors like medical improbability (p<0.0001) and witness consistency (95% confidence intervals). "Faith isn't reduced to numbers, but patterns reveal truth," explains the pontiff who once taught algebra in Peru. His team discovered that 68% of approved miracles cluster in just three medical categories. The process now includes peer review by scientists of relevant fields - a neurologist must verify claimed brain healings. Traditionalists argue this "coldly calculates the divine," but the pope counters: "Thomas Aquinas used Aristotle's logic. I'm using Bayesian statistics." The first test case? A Peruvian street vendor's alleged cancer remission now undergoing algorithmic and theological review.